Enter The Dream Realm: I Have A Dream
Posted by Morpheus
on 01/26/2005
You sit down at your computer to check your email after a very long day, and your eyes are burning from the lateness of the hour. You download your new messages and click on the first one to open it to see what it says. You no sooner do so than the pain in your eyes becomes unbearable, and you are forced to rub them to alleviate the burning. As your vision clears, you notice that you are no longer sitting in front of your computer, and are now seated at the edge of a vast ravine. A rain of gold sand falls around you and you hear a voice whisper “Welcome” as a hand pushes you from behind and you fall headlong into the blackness below. You try to scream, but your voice is muffled, and you continue falling away from consciousness as you once again begin to…
Volume Twenty-One – I Have A Dream
01/19/2005Welcome, Dreamers, to the Twenty-First Edition of
Enter The Dream Realm. I am
Morpheus, Master of the Dreaming, and I will be your guide through this land of Nightmares and Dreamscapes. Thanks go out to everyone who read and left feedback to the Main Page Edition of ETDR this past week, both here and over email. I have gotten some of the best feedback I have ever received from that one, both in terms of amount and quality. I also thank pt2 and Phantom for listening to my ideas and giving me some much appreciated advice. I know I took a huge risk writing the column the way I did, especially for the Main Pager, but I really wanted to do something new and fresh that hasn’t been done before. Without taking the risks, you can’t reap the rewards! From all accounts it was a pretty decent success, with only 1 out of 32 responses being negative, which is not a bad ratio by any means. So again, I thank everyone who voted to put me back up there again, and everyone who responded to it, good or bad. Hopefully I have done the CF proud, and with any luck gotten a few more people to stop by here, and I look forward to the next time I get the chance to do so, if it is in the cards.
Well, without going into too much detail, let’s just let it suffice to say that it has been an extremely shitty week for the Dream Master. Time weighs heavy on this old soul, and it becomes a struggle to keep myself above water most days recently, hence the lateness of this column. Thankfully, a few of my peeps here online, not to mention the greatest wife who ever did live, have been very helpful with the positive words of encouragement and listening ears, and I thank you for that. Maybe if I am struck in the coming weeks, I’ll explain a little more fully what is going down, but for now I think I would prefer to just not think about it. This week, in celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I have written this column as an homage of sorts to quite possibly America’s most influential proponent for Civil Rights in its history. Also, this week I take a look at the sequel to the awesome flick Vampire Hunter D, which I reviewed in the LOP Main Pager last week. Enough banter. Hopefully you will find this sojourn through the Dream Realm both enlightening and entertaining. So, without any further ado, let the Dreams begin!
-
Line Of The Week: Tazz (To Cole) – “Calm down, Girl Pants!”
- When my boy Simon Dean was on RAW last week talking about the 300 pound freak who has been known to wear a mask, I was sitting on the edge of my chair chanting “Kane. Kane. Kane! Kane!!” When that fire went off, I marked out like a little bitch. Then when Snitsky came out I actually started cheering like a fat man at a Giants game. The moral of the story: Never watch wrestling around your wife’s friends.
- Daniel Puder is headed to Ohio Valley Wrestling. I guess this means we won’t be graced by his pre-written, badly delivered promos anymore, which is a shame, since he was the only thing making Heidenreich look good.
- The Fatal Four Way for the Tag Team Titles was an awesome match from start to finish, with a lot of good humor throughout. Just a few quick observations:
* Rey has pinned a former WWE Champion 3 times in 3 weeks. Is this an omen?
* Bookererro is funny, but they’re no BookDust.
* The Bashams use that damn switch trick entirely too much. Teddy Long should make one of them grow a mullet so the refs can tell them apart.
* Do you think Luther ever looks at Jindrak and thinks to himself, “Man, he is so gay!”?
- Chris Candido has made his way back into the realm of the “National” promotions, as he has taken the position as TNA’s newest weekly Jobber. So now, to his credit, Candido can boast that he has lost to the greatest wrestlers in WWF, WCW, ECW, and now TNA!
I Have A DreamFor those of you who have never had the pleasure of either hearing or reading the momentous “I Have A Dream” speech given by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., the following link leads to a website where you can do both: American Rhetoric. What follows is a semi-serious rewrite of his famous speech applied to the wrestling world, in honor of this great man’s contributions to American society.I am happy to join here with you all today in what may well go down in history as one of the greatest calls for freedom in the entire storied history of our beloved Internet Wrestling Community, and perhaps in wrestling fandom itself.
One score of years ago, in the tradition his forefathers before him, a great and proud American brought forth into the world his greatest brainchild; a gala occasion known as WrestleMania. This historic event served as a ray of sunshine and a beacon in the darkness that offered hope to millions of adherents to the Sport of Kings, who for too long had been stifled by the suffocating hand of stagnancy. Finally, with the advent of the Granddaddy of them All, the sun began to peek its first morning rays over the horizon of mediocrity and repetition that had oppressed it for so long. With this metaphorical sunrise came the promise of a new future for the wrestling world, free from the blasé product of years past, and free to explore new possibilities.
Now here we are, over twenty years later and we find ourselves questioning whether or not this promise has been fulfilled. Twenty years later, and wrestling still is not free of many of the stereotypes that dominated it two decades ago. Twenty years later, and still the old prejudices of times gone by are as prevalent in wrestling today as they ever were. Twenty years later, and still the wrestling fan is haunted by the brand of the Pariah from the social unacceptability of the product they love. Twenty years later, and we have found ourselves right back in the same place we were twenty years ago. So today, I have come here with you all to lead the cry for the WWE to bring to an end this “shameful condition” and make good on that promise made so many years ago.
In some sense, we have gathered here in this corner of the internet to cash a paycheck of sorts. When Vincent Kennedy McMahon laid the glorious groundwork for what would become the Biggest Stage of Them All, WrestleMania, and even for the phenomenon that came to be known as Hulkamania, he issued a bond to each and every wrestling fan the world over that they might one day cash in as a reward for their years of avid fandom and loyal support. However, it has become increasingly obvious as time has gone on that Vince and the WWE have not yet upheld their end of the bargain. Twenty years have passed, and the bonds have matured, but turning them in has only left us empty handed.
I for one refuse to believe that it is impossible for these promises to be made good on, and for these long-standing injustices to be set right. I refuse to believe that we will be denied these rewards because the future we were promised has gone bankrupt. So now we stand here as one, demanding that our debt be paid, if not by the rewards promised so long ago, then by the precious boon of freedom and justice in the wrestling world.
Discouraged though many of us may currently be, it is important that we not lose sight of the hope for a brighter tomorrow. Some of you have lived through dark times indeed; bearing witness Mae Young giving birth to Mark Henry’s lovechild, which turned out to be a plastic human hand. Some of you may recall a time when even the basest of moral codes was laid in ruins; seeing the first ever reenactment of necrophilia in wrestling’s sordid history with the horror that was the Katie Vick angle. Some of you may recall the Al Wilson storyline, the Bossman stealing Big Show’s father’s casket, Booker T turning to voodoo, and perhaps even worse, Mr. America. Still others may remember such infamous names as The Gobbledygooker, Mantaur, Salvatore Sincere, Bastion Booger, or even Xanta Klaus. Despite all of these things, we mustn’t wallow in the depths of despair and negativity, as is so often the reaction of the IWC. Though we may look back upon the difficulties and sometimes downright awful events of times past, they do not negate the hopes we still have for the future. I still have a Dream, and it is a Dream for a better tomorrow in the entire wrestling world.
I have a Dream that one day wrestling will join in with the rest of the United States of America and finally subscribe to the doctrine that all men are in fact created equal.
I have a Dream that one day all men will be given the same opportunities in the WWE, regardless of Race or Creed. It is 2005, and it is absurd for a company the size and scope of the WWE to have a mere four black wrestlers spread across two rosters, and it is perhaps even more absurd that no black man has ever held the highest championship of either brand throughout the entire history of the promotion. These things are not due to a lack of talent, they are due to a lack of recognition and opportunity.
I have a Dream that one day the WWE will begin to level the playing field for all wrestlers, regardless of their Size. While I am not saying that they should make Rey Mysterio the WWE Champion, I do firmly believe that some of the most enjoyable Title reigns and main event feuds involve men of smaller stature, such as Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho. Yet despite this fact, and yes I do believe this is fact, we all too often see deserving performers passed over for men with half their talent, but twice their size.
I have a Dream that one day the WWE will once again recognize that Women are more than just objects of sex and affection and restore the Women’s Division to its former status and glory. In the past, talented female wrestlers have plied their trade in front of the same crowds as the male wrestlers, and have managed to hold their own, and even draw in their own fans. The WWE needs to stop judging a woman not by her physical appearance, but by her talent and skill in the ring. It is time to go back to the well and rebuild the Women’s Division into a highlight of their weekly routine. I have a
Dream today!
I have a Dream that one day both Brands will be seen and treated as equals in the eyes of not only the fans, but of the officials within the WWE as well. Ever since the first days of the Brand Extension, we have seen one brand dominate the other in quality of wrestling, storylines, and overall quality. It is as though the higher-ups see one show doing better, so they let it ride while focusing all of their efforts on the other show, which then causes this balance to reverse. One brand should not be treated as above the other, and equal amounts of effort should go into both of their success. I have a
Dream today!
I have a Dream that one day Society will not look upon the wrestling fan with disdain, but with the respect and courtesy given to fans of other types of sports. No longer will we be forced to hide our love for this great pastime out of fear of ridicule from our peers. No longer should we be embarrassed to publicly admit our wrestling fandom to others, be it by verbal expression, or material expression in the form of clothing, jewelry, videos or even posters. The day will soon come when wrestling fans will be treated as the equals of any other human being. I have Dreamed it, and it shall come to pass.
These are my Dreams. They are my hopes. They form the foundation of the faith that I keep with me at all times as a wrestling fan, and the faith that we should all have in the product that we love. The faith that makes us believe that better and brighter things are in store for the future of wrestling. The faith that keeps us watching during times when things just can’t seem to get any worse, because we know there is light at the end of that tunnel. Perhaps most importantly, the faith that one day wrestling and its fans will be free. Free to profess and discuss our love of this sport without fear or shame. Free to explore new horizons and reach new heights. Free to break with tradition and embrace the future of the industry. But most importantly, Free from the stereotypes and prejudices of the last several decades. Great will the day be when we can look upon the wrestling world and see that our faith was well founded, and we will be able to hear the glorious sounds as we let this newfound freedom ring!
So, Let Freedom Ring, from the bingo halls of MLW to the hallowed halls of the NWA. Let Freedom Ring, from the storied past of OVW to the broken glass of CZW. Let Freedom Ring, from the amazing action of ROH to the budding attraction of TNA. Let Freedom Ring, from the flagship banner of RAW to the newer standard of SmackDown!. When this happens, when this freedom rings, and wrestling, with the WWE at its helm, finally lives up to the potential it has promised for so long, that we as wrestling fans all truly believe it has within it, then we will all be able to join hands and proclaim, in the immortal words of Dr. King, “Thank God Almighty, We Are Free At Last!”
My words can never do justice to the amount of respect I have for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., or accurately reflect the impact he had on this country, and continues to have to this day. Though we may not share heritage, we do share ideals, and this is my small, perhaps insignificant way to pay tribute to one of the greatest men who ever lived.
- I was watching RAW last week, and I saw the announcement for the Lingerie Pillow Fight scheduled for later in the evening, and I immediately knew that we were in for a treat (I hope we are all familiar with sarcasm). The ending with all of the women jumping around like hookers in a ball pit was superb booking, and proves just how much the WWE cares about the Women’s Division. Ok, seriously, I am so surprised that Lillian Garcia didn’t take each and every one of those bitches out with a mic shot to the skull.
- Three wrestlers have been put on the injured list this week with some major knee injuries; Eugene with a dislocated patella, Lita with a torn ACL, and RVD with a partially torn ACL and a torn MCL. While these three talented wrestlers have been sidelined, Kenzo Suzuki and Heidenreich have been given a clean bill of health, proving yet again that justice is not only blind, but deaf and dumb as well. The good news? These are the first injuries in months that have not been the direct result of wrestling Bob Holly.
- I finally realized this past week exactly what Mark Jindrak is supposed to be. His current gimmick is the bastard lovechild of Porn Star Val Venis and The Narcissist Lex Luger. I think they may have accidentally mixed a little Goldust in there too, but that is another matter entirely.
- Now I am all for storylines behind feuds, but I do have a bit of a problem with the fact that the entire feud between Angle, Show and JBL has not been over the WWE Title, as it should be, but has instead focused on Amy and Joy. Now, I would probably fight over them too, especially Joy, but the WWE Title belt should never be secondary. In conclusion, Joy needs to get very naked, very soon.
- The last couple of weeks on Impact, we have seen quick poetic promos involving Traci, Trinity, and that Brillo-headed douchebag Johnny Fairplay hanging out in the back of Dusty’s truck. So, rather than Shane and Kazarian, and the NYC, we instead get these two chicks chillin’ with a reality TV has-been. And what the hell happened to Jacqueline? I’m glad to see that the WWE isn’t the only promotion that has no f***ing clue how to handle women.
Vampire Hunter D: BloodlustIt is several years after the first D film, and the numbers of the ruthless Vampires of the ruling class have dwindled thanks to the efforts of hunters such as himself. A young woman named Charlotte Elbourne has been abducted by an infamous Vampire nobleman named Meier Link, and her family hires D, a half-Vampire, half-human Vampire Hunter, to track this creature down and destroy him, bringing Charlotte back to her family unharmed. The catch is, the family has also hired a notorious family of skilled Vampire Hunters, the Markus Brothers, for the same bounty. Now, D must fight against monsters and demons at every turn, as well as the Markus Brothers who will do anything to get their hands on the bounty for this job. D finds himself once again in a race against time to save a young woman from the clutches of her evil Vampiric captor, but as time goes on, it begins to look less and less like an abduction and more like a voluntary exit. Hated by humans for his cursed blood and hated by Vampires for his chosen profession, D faces danger at every turn in his efforts to exterminate this vile race and bring home the bounty.
This was an absolutely fantastic film, and a great follow-up to the original animated classic. This sequel was finally released fifteen years after the original, and though it would be extremely difficult to top the first film, this one does come close to being on par with it. In this film, we learn more about the character of D, and get to see a bit more of what he is capable of against a broader array of foes. While some of the plot is similar to the first, in that he is attempting to save a young woman from an evil Vampire lord, the similarities end there, as this story is actually a bit more in depth than that of the original. Anyone who is a fan of animated films or horror films in general will enjoy this, and I would go so far as to say that even people who routinely dislike those genres will find at least something in this film, as well as its predecessor, that they will thoroughly enjoy. If at all possible, you should see the first film (which I reviewed in my last column) before this one, but watching them out of order will not be too much of a problem. If you have not yet seen this film, you are definitely missing out and should rectify that situation at your earliest possible convenience. Both thumbs up from the Dream Master!
- Chris Candido should be honored at the next edition of the Memmy Awards by being the first ever recipient of the Barry Horowitz Lifetime Jobber-chievement Award.
- I Have A Dream that one day wrestling will live up to the potential it has promised us for so many years.
- The WWE needs to resurrect the Hardcore Championship and put the strap on Lillian Garcia. Guaranteed she’d hold that bitch for at least a year.
- Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust comes very close to living up to the glory of the original, and is definitely worth a watch, so get to it!
As you slowly return to consciousness, the last whisperings uttered from the lips of the Dream Master encourage you to check out three particularly outstanding columns in the LOP forums:Al Laiman – In Laiman’s Terms…Zuma420 – A Stoner Moment…<7">Julian Phoenix – Flight Of The Phoenix Vol. 21This brings to a close the Twenty-First Edition of
Enter The Dream Realm. Any feedback you have, as always, would certainly be greatly appreciated and can either be posted here, or sent to me via email at
morpheusreturns@optonline.net. Until next time, sleep well, and I’ll see you in your Dreams.
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