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Mr. Brown's Class: Get the F Out
Posted by Jonathan Brown on 08/14/2004

Lemmings. When I was younger I thought that they were only some green haired characters in a video game. If you’ve ever played it you know that the game is immensely difficult. In the wild, lemmings (which are real animals) follow one another in a straight line off of a cliff to their deaths. Hundreds take the plunge at a time. Get one to do something the rest will follow. Maybe Mr. McMahon should stop hiring lemmings if he wants players to stick around. Too many wrestlers have bought into that grass is greener line and they have not caught enough heat over it.

In the WWE, many former superstars have taken the “Get the F Out” slogan a little too seriously. In the recent past Rock, Brock and Sable have essentially turned their backs on the fans. However, one that truly turned his back on the fans is rarely mentioned in this conversation. The Southern, drug addicted, weirdo with weird hair is a traitor. No Dolphins fans, this is not a column about Ricky Williams, this is about the other man that would rather smoke, inject, and or sniff dope than perform for his fans appropriately. Yes, Jeff Hardy, I am writing about you.

Prompted by the news that Jeff Hardy is to challenge Jeff Jarret for the NWA World Championship, I viewed the number one contender’s match between the Alpha Male and the aforementioned. I did not know that one wrestler could look so bad in a ring. Jeff used the same move set that he employed in the late 90’s. It looked as if he had not practiced those moves since the same time. What could have happened to the man that put on the greatest Raw match of ALL time? The ladder match versus the Undertaker produced the single greatest moment in the history of televised wrestling. Jeff told Matt , “If I’m going to go down, I’m going to go down my way. Then, with Hardy hanging from the undisputed title and JR screaming, “He’s going to do it!” everything froze. The goose bumps that just appeared on my arm cement the fact that Jeff was (WAS) on the verge of absolute greatness. But the air up there must have been too thin. Jeff thought that the green of the rock and roll world was the lushest green ever. Then he was gone.

The Rock must have fought the Hurricane too much as he too, has seen too much green. The allure of Hollywood has been too great for the great one to return to the springboard of his career. The Rock must have been in LA too long as he made a celebrity return to the squared circle of Wrestlemania. Hey, just like Mr. T, the Rock had come back to help his real wrestling buddy. The best wrestler of this generation has made the decision that a bump free life is the way to live. A stuntman takes the falls, the Rock cashes the checks. Maybe the grass is greener on the other side. But maybe it is not. The Rock’s frequent surprise returns are not for the money and it can not be for the fame. Could it be that the wrestling grass shines a lot greener than the millions…and millions of the Rock’s movie dollars?

Brock Lesnar was the man with the killer finishing move and monster image. Brock Lesnar did in 6 months what Chris Benoit waited 18 years to do. Brock Lesnar, the man and the legend. With less than one year’s experience Brock Lesnar headlined Wrestlemania with the most versatile wrestler the industry has ever seen, Kurt Angle. There are at least 1,000 kids today that dream of just breathing the air in Kurt’s presence, never mind rolling on the mat with him. However, the life of a WWE champion just is not good enough. In a little over 2 years, Brock earned millions of dollars. With the salary he is set to get in the NFL, it would take him 5 seasons just to hit the $1 million mark. Obviously, money was not the motivating factor here. It seems the old grass is greener axiom is more widely accepted than we would have previously thought.

While these three examples ran away from the WWE as fast as they could, there are many that would do anything to get back in. Just ask Hulk Hogan. Sable divorced her husband to bet back in. See, many of us have forgotten that Sable thought she was bigger than wrestling. She too left for greener pastures. But as soon as she got to the other side, the WWE grass didn’t look too shabby. Now that she had the chance to get back in, she ran again. Oh, don’t worry, she’ll be back. They all come back .

But oh poor suffering fans, I implore you. The next time you see a wrestler like Jeff Hardy who would rather get high than perform on the biggest stage in the world. The next time the WWE advertises a movie for the Rock and he makes another surprise return. The next time X-Pac or Piper or Macho Man make public overtures about wanting back in the place in which they once ran away from.rom. Let us in unison tell these quitters that want back in, “Get the F Out!”




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