From The Other Side: Happy 2007, K-Fed, Feedback, & More
Posted by TWV Guest Columnists
on 01/17/2007
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Guest Column By Raul Smith
May the extreme revolution begin!
Did I or did I not say during my huge WRES-PY awards columns that this was going to happen? Mark it officially on your calendars: in three months' time, Tazz, the color commentator of ECW, is gone! However, fear not, for there is good news: replacing him alongside Joey Styles will be the son of "Bullet" Bob Armstrong and brother of one-half of VKM BG James, Brad Armstrong. So at least Brother Love will be entertained. ECW is slowly transforming into a not very amusing joke. But couldn't you see a Paul Heyman/Tazz/Rhino/RVD reunion in TNA? That would almost be as satisfying to watch as Jim Cornette and Vince Russo having a civil conversation for once, something else nobody, not even myself, thought would ever happen.
Oh, by the way, happy New Year to you all and I hope your 2007 is going just as great as mine is already, because today, I got a lot to discuss. Included are my thoughts on last the first show of the year which was the certified disaster known as RAW, as deemed by FEMA. And believe me, I just got off the phone with them and they're on the case already. I'll write again in two weeks to explain why I'm not surprised that they have yet to tend to that disaster, just as they have yet to lift a finger to help those people in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina...more than a year later.
Also found later on in this column are three reader feedbacks: one is from a family member about Vince McMahon, one is from somebody giving me an accurate description of a move that won Best Wrestling Move in WWE for 2006 honors in the WRES-PY columns, and one I have yet to find undeniable evidence to prove that it is feedback to something I wrote, but I'm just going to assume that it is. Also, my thoughts on the latest events involving LAX member Konnan and my parting shot to the "Hardest Working Man In Show Business."
Before all of that, for all of you that will inevitably ask what my New Year's resolution is going to be since I get asked that question by family members like, I don't know, a hundred times, I will say that I plan on bettering myself in general in 2007. I'm not one of those people that say "this year I will get in shape" or something like that and then quit by April. This has been my game plan for three years now, just to better myself overall. Whether it be by getting more money (by the way, I do get a pay raise this year), getting in better shape (yeah, I'll admit it, I need to hit the gym to get rid of a few spare tires), being a better friend, writing better columns (let's hope I can pull that one off), giving more to my fellow man, or just going to church more often, I plan on bettering myself in some form or another in 2007. So there's my New Year's resolution or, as I have personally called it, my "life's resolution," and trust me, not one that I will quit on anytime soon.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, and maybe I am, but I thought all this time that it was WCW that died in March 2001 and not the World Wrestling Federation. Is it just me or did the whole Kevin Federline pinning John Cena thing last night, regardless of the fact that it put the match at New Year's Revolution over that much more, kinda bring back bad memories of David Arquette winning the WCW World Championship? I mean, Kevin Federline pinning the WWE Champion? Great, Vince McMahon, you have done it once again! You have proven without a shadow of a doubt that you've forgotten more about how to produce a great and entertaining wrestling program than any of us will ever learn in our lifetimes. I hope you are proud of yourself and you can sleep at night, you sick, disgusting...never mind, I'll save that one for later.
If you need to put Umaga over, fine. If you need to put over the match at NYR, fine. But not like this, is all I'm saying. Have Cena lose to Nitro, Edge, or at least somebody that's actually been wrestling for a living, but not a wannabe A-Lister like Kevin Federline. And I don't care how many people out there do not like Cena for whatever reason, this is just wrong. Why not just give Kevin Federline the WWE Championship and let him headline New Year's Revolution this Sunday with Umaga? You don't think that could draw fans to order the show? Makes as much sense as having Federline pin Cena. Then you will have had (allegedly) three people that couldn't wrestle their way out of a paper sack having held that belt so far this year come next Monday and we wouldn't even be at the Martin Luther King holiday yet.
Yeah, Vince, you're right; that's a much better idea. Either that or it's the worst idea I've ever heard. Maybe I was asleep and didn't see this on iMPACT!, or maybe it happened on Xplosion, since I don't get Xplosion, but I don't see Abyss losing to Justin Timberlake. I mean, for your next publicity stunt, why not have Paris Hilton or Britney Spears pin Mickie James to become the new Women's Champion, although neither one of them could wrestle or act and supposedly the two of them are now hitting party scenes as the resident celebrity lesbians. Maybe next, you can have Bobby Lashley lose the ECW Championship to Lance Bass, the supposed "gay member" of N'Sync, although I'll argue there's more than one. Good work, as always, Vince. And by "good work" I mean way to show everybody that you have now officially lost any and all idea of what the fans want to see.
And if you think I'm done yet with Vince in this column, you have no idea what's coming up later.
I should preface this next take by saying that this is just wild speculation on my part and I do not have any proof other than pure coincidence to backup my claims.
Aside from having to watch that debacle last night formerly known as WWE Monday Night RAW, I'm having a great day today because I get to interact with you all once again and at the very top of the list is a very special reader, somebody that I never in a million years would ever suspect of reading any of my columns.
Now, I know that shortly after I started writing columns, I made a promise to myself that I would not put myself in an uncomfortable situation by posting any names or email addresses to attach to any reader feedback because I've made that mistake once before. But, in this case, I feel it's more than appropriate. This particular feedback goes back to something I said in the Eddie Guerrero tribute column I wrote in November and you're probably going to think at first that I'm on crack just for alleging this, until you start connecting the dots just like I did. The person responsible for this first reader feedback is none other than everybody's favorite color commentator in WWE, the one and only John Bradshaw Layfield!
During a very passionate and heated rant on Friday Night SmackDown! on December 22, 2006, in which he was trying to put blame for MVP being in a burn unit on SmackDown! General Manager Theodore Long but instead blamed the fans, JBL stated the following:
"Rome did not fall because of the gladiators in the ring; it fell because of the sick people in the stands."
How this connects to the Eddie Guerrero column was when I stated the following:
"Funny how over a year ago, WWE was on top of the wrestling world...but now, fast-forward one year later, and Rome is starting to crumble. The Roman Empire known to wrestling fans as WWE is falling apart and while he may not dead, Julius Caesar...err, I mean Vince McMahon may as well be. The Romans are starting to revolt against Caesar, and the only one that can't see it is McMahon himself. President George W. Bush thinks McMahon's popularity rating has hit rock bottom."
Now, I ask you all: is it just me or is there a coincidental connection between my statement in the Eddie Guerrero column and what JBL said? Since I'm going to assume that he was reacting to what I said, I will now react to what he said:
First and foremost, Mr. Layfield, thank you very much for reading my columns. Your support is noted and appreciated. I especially appreciate the fact that you alone just provided further evidence that your employer, Vince McMahon, and others in your own company do read other wrestling websites, especially those within the "IWC," or the "Internet Wrestling Community."
With that said, I have some issue with your, as insiders and wrestlers would call it, "worked shoot" rant that you did on the 12/22/2006 edition of Friday Night SmackDown! To single one thing out in particular, I have issue with the part where you accused the fans of being the ones that will cause the fall of Rome and not anybody in the ring. I don't think anybody is ever going to press charges on the wrestlers for tearing down the single-greatest wrestling promotion in history. I think the blame of that crime falls on the man that I compared to Julius Caesar. Perhaps you didn't understand my comparing your employer, Vince McMahon, to a historic figure like Julius Caesar, who eventually was stabbed in the back by one of his own. Perhaps you can open your eyes a little bit, Mr. Layfield, and see a pattern that's starting to develop in your own company.
The departures of many top-level employees in WWE is alarming to say the least and brings me back to a day when WCW was kicking your employer's ass in the TV ratings week after week. You remember those days, don't you, Mr. Layfield? Ah, the good ol' days, back when you were known as Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw. Back when Triple H was a rich, big-nosed snob from Greenwich, Connecticut, by the name of Hunter Hearst Helmsley. And back when Randy Savage, Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Sean Waltman, Ted DiBiase, and many others left WWE for the lucrative opportunity in WCW.
Only this time, the circumstances are a little bit different. The employees that are leaving now, Mr. Layfield, are not leaving because they're not getting paid; far from it. Why on earth, then, would Kurt Angle turn down a guaranteed $1 Million contract to wrestle elsewhere for less, you ask? I'll sum up my answer in two words and then explain: Vince McMahon. Face reality, Mr. Layfield; your boss is an ass. I'd love to say honestly what I think of him, but half the websites that post these columns would tell me never to write again and the other half would censor it anyway. But, see, the problem here, Mr. Layfield, is that I don't even need to say anything; the actions of Kurt Angle, Christian Cage, Trish Stratus, Amy "Lita" Dumas, Chris Jericho, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Paul Heyman, Tazz, Sabu, Rob Van Dam, Rhino, Team 3D, the Voodoo Kin Mafia, and others say all I need to say and much more.
In closing, Mr. Layfield, I would suggest picking your spots just a little bit more carefully next time before you blindly defend a man who would much rather blame Paul Heyman for the fans chanting "Where's my refund?" than just look in the mirror and correct the issues that plague your company to this day. If not, you'll look even more ridiculous in people's eyes. But then again, what did I expect from someone who has publicly defended George W. Bush for all he's done to this country even to this day? Or perhaps you could just do what so many others have done in the past year alone which is quit and perhaps attain a job with some online stock advisement company, handing out advice on how to make as much money through the stock market as you did. Believe me when I tell you: that's advice I'm willing to shell out $30 a month for.
Don't get me wrong, Mr. Layfield; I will always watch your company's product faithfully because much like other fans, it's going to take a lot more than your employer suggesting incest storylines to his own daughter, blaming Paul Heyman for so many things that are not of Heyman's doing and then subsequently firing him, alienating his own employees, allowing wannabe A-List celebrities to pin main event champions in the ring on worldwide television, or consistently desecrating the name of a very good friend of yours, Eddie Guerrero, to get me to change the channel. All I'm saying is that if I, just a simple, lowly wrestling fan from simple, lowly Ogden, Utah, can see the obvious, maybe you should, too. I mean, compared to you, I'm not a wrestler, I'm not a former WWE Champion, and (at least I'm sure you'd like to think so) I'm not wrestling deity.
Thank you once again for reading my columns, Mr. Layfield.
Now somebody brought up something interesting and at the same time something very disturbing. Okay, it was a family member of mine. Not that I'd ever want to bring family problems into my columns, but my brother is in the middle of one of the nastiest custody battles I've ever seen. Pretty much our entire family has reason to believe that the "stepfather" of my two-year-old niece is sexually molesting her. Trust me, this is relevant information and you'll see why in a minute.
A family member of mine that wishes to remain anonymous that watches wrestling quite a bit suggested that perhaps the reason Vince McMahon suggested an incest storyline with his daughter, Stephanie McMahon-Levesque, is because Vince has done something to her in the past. The family member stated that they felt it was the only reason why Vince would even suggest something like that to a member of his own family, let alone his own daughter. I posed the question, "Well, why would Steph go on the McMahon DVD and say that then? Why would she make this public?" The answer: "To hurt Vince, since she was hurt by Vince. She wants to give him a taste of his own medicine."
All joking aside, if that's true, that makes Vince McMahon even more twisted, sinister, and warped than I originally feared. That puts Vincent Kennedy McMahon on a whole new plateau than ever before and by that, I mean on a much lower level than anything I've ever seen before. Oh, and for the record, I would still pay a month's worth of salary from my other job just to see that piece of trash rot in hell alongside Marge Schott and now, from what I understand, Saddam Hussein, who was hung in public for all of Iraq to see last week. Rest but do so not in peace, Saddam.
A reader emailed me an accurate description to Paul Burchill's C-4 finisher, which won honors for Best Wrestling Move in WWE in 2006 during the WRES-PY awards. I'm going to paraphrase it a little bit, but he described it somewhat as a move where he gets into position to pull off a Rock Bottom (or for you King Bookah fans, the Book-End), but instead of going old school and slamming them down, he does a backflip or a moonsault and slams them that way! Now you see why the move won the award! It's almost unthinkable to think that this is even humanly possible, but it is!
Switching gears here, I want to express to everybody how much Konnan has been in my thoughts and prayers the last few days as he's going through a very trying time. Now, come to find out, he not only needs a hip replacement, but had to postpone the hip replacement surgery after doctors discovered that his kidneys had failed. So now he needs a new hip and kidneys. And this is not just Latino to Latino, this is human being to human being. I am keeping Konnan in my thoughts and prayers as he struggles through this. Sure, the LAX gimmick was offensive to a lot of people, but putting all gimmicks aside, putting aside the fact that he's currently playing the heel role in TNA, and a very offensive one at that, this is a human being who's in dire need of a kidney transplant.
Also, the saddest part of this entire story is the fact that not only did Konnan admit to the doctors that he used performance-enhancing steroids, but the doctors discovered that the kidney failure was due to excessive painkiller abuse, not steroid abuse. After reading all of this, I found myself thinking back to the circumstances that caused the death of yet another popular Latino wrestler, Eddie Guerrero. The reason the WWE "Talent Wellness Program" is in place is to prevent stuff like this from happening to the younger superstars. As I stated in my WRES-PY columns, Konnan has been wrestling for the better part of two decades now so you could only imagine how easy it was earlier in his career for him to obtain and use steroids as well as painkillers. I sincerely hope the younger wrestlers are taking a long look at this, as well as the Eddie Guerrero tragedy and they can learn something from this.
Well, it's 2007 and the year may have changed, but the end of my columns remains the same; you know, the part where I insert my usual but sincere parting shot where I tell you all that I welcome your questions, your comments, your concerns, your complaints, your compliments, and your emails, no matter how sour or sweet, at my comment box, or email address as they call it these days. Oh and that until the next time I am ready to grace you all with my presence, you are encouraged to read, to learn, and to decide for yourselves whether or not to watch New Year's Revolution from two weeks ago. Personally, I think I saved that $50 for something a little more entertaining and useful...like the Royal Rumble in a few weeks or perhaps Jazz tickets. They're doing a lot better than people thought they'd be doing so far.
God bless you, James Brown! May the Godfather feel good eternally from this day forth. No Ernest "The Cat" Miller jokes, please.
Since K-Fed is now dead, I am forced to re-structure my question and ask once more: if Kevin Federline can rap and pin the WWE Champion John Cena, hell, why can't I?
Eddie Guerrero 1967-2005
May you rest in peace, but never rest in our hearts
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RaulCBK@comcast.net.
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