From The Other Side: The WRES-PYs - Part One
Posted by TWV Guest Columnists
on 12/20/2006
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Guest Column By Raul Smith
Well boys and girls, the time has come to roll out the red carpet, watch the celebs decked out in fancy $10,000 clothing walk on by, and get ready for the first annual WRES-PY Awards. For those that didn't get a chance to read my last column, this is not your typical awards column. In fact, I am certain I will need more than just one column so keep an eye out for further updates.
Before I get started, I have to say the number of e-mails and reaction to this idea has been staggering. I am certainly pleased with how many people put in their input, although hardly any of them gave me candidates in all the categories that I listed out before. Also, the final outcome of who won what award is not entirely determined by reader interaction, but your feedback did influence quite a few races. So with that said, here is your first column in the WRES-PY Awards column series.
We'll get started with a personal favorite of mine, especially considering all that's happened in the last few weeks:
Worst Idea Ever!
And considering my disdain for Vince McMahon, is it a surprise to anybody that four of the five finalists were all candidates from WWE? Of course, it didn't help WWE's cause that you suggested different variations of the four finalists. So keeping this in mind, what are the odds that the sole TNA candidate won this award? Well, let's just say that the first of the four losing candidates will answer that question for you...
TNA Hiring Tyson Tomko
Like I said before, hiring Christian Cage and putting him in the main event spot is one thing; hiring Tyson Tomko and pushing him severely high is quite another. I'm surprised TNA has yet to bring in Salvatore Sincere to feud with Sting, or worse yet, Kenzo Suzuki to challenge Abyss for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. Tyson Tomko?
The Constant Disrespect Of Eddie Guerrero's Legacy
Let's get one thing straight: I was not at all disturbed by Rey Mysterio winning the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania 22 or his dedicating the Royal Rumble victory to Eddie Guerrero. I was fine with that. It started getting painfully obvious that Vince McMahon would love nothing more than to piss on Eddie's grave after the low-rider incident involving Randy Orton. Of course, it didn't help that Randy was forced to go out and tell Rey in front of a million people watching on TV that Eddie's not in heaven, but rather in hell. But the final straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak, was the audacity to bring Vicki Guerrero into this as Chavo Guerrero's "business manager." Vicki has no business being involved in WWE; none. She needs to stay home, especially now that she's raising those three distraught girls all by herself now. It's just one of the worst things I've ever seen in WWE, bottom line.
WWE & Kurt Angle Part Ways
Believe whatever story you want to believe; either Kurt quit WWE or Vince fired Kurt's ass. Either way, Kurt Angle pulled a major sheet of wool over Vince McMahon's eyes and made him believe that he'd never leave WWE to go to TNA. As we all know, that's clearly not the case. And despite everybody's worst fears (and I'm guilty of that as much as anybody), Kurt's handled himself really well in TNA so far. He hasn't had any further physical issues, he's seemingly gotten professional help for his Vicodin addiction, he's re-established his relationship with his wife and family, everybody backstage (besides Jeff Jarrett) seems to like the guy, and he's one-half of one of the hottest programs in TNA history: Angle versus Joe. So, basically WWE traded a now once-again healthy Kurt Angle to TNA for Monty Brown. Good luck with that.
Vince McMahon's Indecent "Incest" Suggestion
This was my personal pick to win this category, however an overwhelming amount of votes catapulted one other particular candidate to the top. Nothing sums up the mentality, morality, and lack of human decency found in Vincent Kennedy McMahon more than this disturbing, repulsive story that Stephanie told on the DVD "McMahon."
Vince apparently suggested that Stephanie go out to the ring and proclaim Vince to be the father of her daughter, Aurora Rose. In essence, he wanted to do an incest storyline with his own daughter. To the delight of all human beings with a soul, Stephanie outright refused to go along. To make matters worse and to make himself look worse, Vince then suggested the same with Stephanie proclaiming Shane as the father of her daughter. I mean, who is this guy; Vincent Kennedy McMahon or John Daniel Kingston?
If it were somebody that was like an actress pretending to be Vince's daughter, that would be one thing. But the fact that he suggested it to his real-life daughter is just a disturbing thought. I can't even think of words to describe it. Actually, I take that back; I can think of two words to describe an equally disturbing storyline that WWE's used in the past: Katie Vick.
The winning candidate for Worst Idea Ever got an overwhelming amount of votes by the readers and it somewhat helped that recent events also helped influence this award, so here is the Worst Idea Ever for 2006:
Taking the "Extreme" Out of "Extreme Championship Wrestling"
When Vince McMahon brought back ECW in June earlier this year, I had a sneaky suspicion that it wouldn't be the same ECW that we all knew and loved: the barbed-wire, staple guns, cheese graters, vulgar chants, crazy fans, exciting in-ring action, dude-on-chick violence, et cetera. But now, it's gone way beyond just that.
I think a fellow columnist said it best when describing how Vince McMahon completely undermined the legacy of World Championship Wrestling with the Alliance/Invasion angle back in 2001. WCW looking like such a complete joke, turning to ECW and Stone Cold Steve Austin for help, clawing their way with a roster full of nobodies, and in the end, of course it still wasn't enough as Vince McMahon and the then-WWF exterminated the Alliance.
An online pen-pal of mine once compared the start of the new ECW to the arrival of the nWo to WWE in 2002. Sure, in name only, it was the nWo, but there was no comparison to the original nWo that ran amuck in WCW back in 1996, not even close. In the end, Hollywood Hogan's face turn and Scott Hall's eventual termination led to the demise of the short lived nWo, allowing Vince McMahon to piss on the legacy of not only WCW, but also the nWo.
I believe he's doing the exact same thing right now to the legacy of ECW; he's practically pissing on the legacy of ECW. Like one of those Calvin stickers you see in car windows, except in this case, you have Vince pissing on the ECW logo. Perhaps Rhino was right after all: "ECW is dead." Perhaps Team 3D said it best when they accused Vince of "bastardizing the bingo hall."
It's gotten so bad that now, Paul Heyman could be released World Wrestling Entertainment at literally any minute. That'll be a big mistake, perhaps a catastrophic one, on Vince McMahon's part because mark my words, wherever Heyman goes from here, he'll land on his feet and look for a piece of Vince. In short, Paul's going to TNA; it's only a matter of time. Rumors circulated that many other ECW originals were depressed and ready to leave. Sabu, Rob Van Dam, The Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, Balls Mahoney, and others have all expressed disinterest and disappointment in the direction this ECW appears to be headed. I also feel that it may not just be the wrestlers that want out, either; look for Joey Styles and Tazz to bail as well.
In the short term, Vince's ego will be satisfied and he will be extremely (no pun intended) happy. However, in the long run, this will only hurt WWE even more and will only benefit TNA. And believe me, Vince's popularity rating is already so low, if it were any lower, his last name would be "Bush."
I've always said that Vince McMahon had under his payroll two of the most brilliant creative minds in professional wrestling history in Paul Heyman and Eric Bischoff, but yet he never really allowed them to do what they do best because of his oversized ego. That ego is eventually going to cost McMahon and if he's not careful, it could cost him everything, including his precious World Wrestling Entertainment.
And one last note before I move on: for the old school ECW fans, I know it's hard to resist the temptations, but don't do what Vince will inevitably do and blame ECW turning into a completely and totally laughable joke on Bobby Lashley. In a way, I do feel sorry for Lashley because he'll be the ECW champion during this tough time. For better or worse, right or wrong, the champion is praised when the show does well and is berated when the show does not do well; I have a feeling Lashley is going to get anything but praise the next several months.
The JBL Award
This is an award I give out to the guy in professional wrestling that's not only a jerk on-camera, but can tend to go that route when the kayfabe has worn off. The reason I named it the "JBL Award" is because of an incident involving JBL. You all remember when JBL did the "Hail Hitler" salute during a WWE house show in Munich, Germany back in 2004, right? The very same thing that cost him his part-time job as a financial analyst for MSNBC or Fox News. Although, the winner of this award this year may force me to rename it yet again. There were only two viable candidates for this one that I can recall.
Colin Cowheard "Never Mock the Dead"
I know Cowheard is not a wrestling personality, but this ESPN Radio talk show host found it within his own rights to mock the death of Eddie Guerrero not once, but twice. Cowheard, if you recall, made very inappropriate comments towards Eddie Guerrero shortly after his passing. He reiterated similar comments and added a few new thoughts right after the media gained wind of WWE starting its "Talent Wellness Program." I know these talk show hosts have to throw their two cents in whenever they see something like that on their own news website, but there's a right way and wrong way to handle it.
Compare, for instance, Cowheard's comments to those made by popular radio talk show host Jim Rome. Rome only mentioned Eddie Guerrero's name in passing and focused more on his being baffled as to why "actors need performance-enhancing drugs;" certainly mild in comparison to Cowheard's inexcusable comments.
On any other year, any other year, Cowheard would've won this award going away. But, alas, he must settle for second place this year.
The winner of the 2006 JBL Award, and a man who may force me to rename the award, is a man that seems to be making the most amount of mistakes at the worst possible time and offending pretty much everybody along the way, including his own family.
Vincent Kennedy McMahon "Finally, Your True Colors are Shining Through"
There have always been rumors and rumblings within the wrestling community for years about what kind of a man Vince McMahon really is when he's not "The Boss" on television or in the board room. He's doing his very best to prove all of his naysayers right.
When he's not suggesting incest storylines to his own daughter, Stephanie McMahon-Levesque, he's putting all the blame on low locker room morale, a sea of fan complaints, "Where's my refund?" chants, and poor TV ratings on Paul Heyman and then supposedly firing Heyman, which in turn could cause a mutiny within the ECW ranks.
When he's not creating more and more ideas on how to desecrate the good name of Eddie Guerrero even further, he's getting Eddie's widow, Vicki, involved, most likely by threatening to cut off financial ties to Eddie's estate if she didn't agree to do so.
When he's not booking God in tag team PPV matches with Shawn Michaels, he's creating new religions ("McMahonism" ring a bell, anybody?).
And when he's not treating the only guilty party in a sordid three-way love affair (Edge) as if he's the victim, he's telling Kurt Angle to rehab on the road and that he didn't give a rat's ass if he lost his wife and children because of it. Oh, and that it'd be much better for everybody if Angle was single again, anyway.
When I handed this award out in recent years to guys like Edge and JBL, I only knew a portion of their real personalities. I only knew the bad portion that came out in a bad light. JBL with the "Hail Hitler" salute and his inappropriate comments about Mexicans (which didn't help matters from where I was sitting) as well as Edge and the three-way love affair involving Matt Hardy and Lita. However, for Vince McMahon to do so many ridiculous and repulsive things, both as the head of the creative team and as a human being, I'm surprised WWE doesn't have a mutiny on its hands already! But then again, who's to say they don't!
There are a few select people that I would ever truly say, without any reservation, without any remorse, and without any second thoughts, that I will be more than happy to one day see them burn in hell: child molesters, Marge Schott, the former now deceased owner of the Cincinnati Reds, men who beat their female companions (whether it be wives or girlfriends) to within an inch of their lives on a repeated basis, and a few women that I know personally that love to spread lies about people, myself especially. Add to that list the name Vincent Kennedy McMahon and I hope that he gets the skillet on hell's stove right next to Marge Schott's.
Best Announcer
Let's be realistic with ourselves; announcers can either make a show that much more enjoyable to watch or make it just outright unwatchable. For the record, my least favorite play-by-play men of all time will always be Tony Schiavonne of WCW Nitro and Jonathan Coachman, now the Executive Assistant on RAW. But that's not what this is about; what this is about is honoring those that add to their respective programs, not take away from them. And as I expected, I got quite a few votes on this one so here we go.
Tazz, Color Commentator, ECW; Former Color Commentator, WWE Friday Night SmackDown!
He started the year as the color commentator for Friday Night SmackDown!, but when ECW was relaunched, since they weren't going to allow Joey Styles to go solo, Tazz was the best available candidate. He's an ECW original, and needless to say, right about now, he's the best color commentator in the business.
Mike Tenay, Play-by-Play, TNA iMPACT!
I think the main reason Tenay is an up-and-coming play-by-play announcer is because of his ability to give great insight on matches and his knowledge of backgrounds of every wrestler alive today, hence his nickname "The Professor." But Joey Styles and Jim Ross he's not; however, he is better at his job than Michael Cole.
John Bradshaw Layfield, Color Commentator, WWE Friday Night SmackDown!
For the record, JBL was not on my personal top-five list, but the amount of votes for this guy were surprising and staggering so there was no way I could ignore that. When Tazz went over to ECW to assume color commentator duties there, JBL filled in Tazz's old position alongside Michael Cole on Fridays. For the most part, I can do without his mindless banter of how much he hates (insert wrestler that's beaten him in the last two years here), but I do appreciate it when he hands out praise. For instance, he does praise Matt Hardy a lot while dogging Mike Mizanin, Vito, and Sylvan. So it's a situation where the jury is still out on this guy.
Jim Ross, Play-by-Play, WWE RAW
At one time, everybody considered Jim Ross as the best play-by-play man in the business, hands-down. That was then, this is now; needless to say, the age is starting to affect his ability to do his job. Plus, if you noticed lately, his voice has been getting raspy at the end of broadcasts more often than before he was "fired" by Linda McMahon.
As I said last time, I just knew this guy would win. And I'll admit, I do agree that he is one of the best announcers in wrestling history. So here he is, the winner of the Best Announcer in 2006 Award:
Joey Styles, Play-by-Play, ECW; Former Play-by-Play, WWE RAW
You cannot believe how many emails I've gotten saying something to the effect of, "If you don't have Joey Styles winning Best Announcer, you're a complete idiot." Well, so much for the idiot theory because the best announcer and best play-by-play man in the business is helping keep ECW "watchable," though it may not stay that way for much longer if Styles' boss has any say in it. Though the thing that really impressed me was how he walked right out of his marketing job in Atlanta and right over to the RAW announce table and just started going as if he didn't even miss a beat. And he's shown adaptability, although it can be argued as reluctant adaptability, by altering his game a bit to adapt to WWE's announcing style. Major bonus points for that.
That's all that I'm going to be able to post for today. Check back again tomorrow for more. If you want to react or believe I've missed somebody, e-mails are always welcome. Tomorrow, it's Day Two of the WRES-PY awards. I'll bet the Academy Awards never took two days to hand out all of their awards, but then again, that's because they have four hours of TV time on whatever station airs them these days.
If K-Fed can rap, hell, why can't I?
Eddie Guerrero 1967-2005
May you rest in peace, but never rest in our hearts
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RaulCBK@comcast.net.
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