The Village Idiot: RAW Thoughts & Unforgiven Preview
Posted by TWV Guest Columnists
on 09/11/2006
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Guest Column By Chris James
Originally written on August 30th.
Well apparently Vince is not the only person who loves cock. I am Chris James and welcome all of you smart marks out there who think they know the wrestling business, front, back, and side to side. For the next twenty five minutes, I am going to waste your lives with my mindless banter and droning, blabbering opinions about my opinion on wrestling today. And as most of you read just yesterday, this is the semi daily, if not weekly edition of The Village Idiot, presented on TWV. And in other news, I have short hair and it was lightened up a bit as I start school next Tuesday. I'm in a fresh new mood to talk about some things I didn't touch up on last night's edition.
Right now, I am going to comment on RAW this week and predict the early card for Unforgiven. This will be the only time I write two separate articles in back to back days. Yesterday was an introduction to myself and this new column. From here after, I will be adding my thoughts on current events (with criticism) and my RAW thoughts all in one column as well as presenting my weekly Village Idiot.
RAW this week was pathetic. Shane McMahon "running" RAW (he was on television twice) was not legitimate. John Cena wasn't the main focal point. Neither was Edge. Or DX. The whole show was on a lop side. There was no hype for the main event whatsoever. Johnny Nitro and Melina coming out and addressing the Mick Foley situation was a total crock. Jeff Hardy needs to take the IC Title from him and reinvent the division. I said it yesterday so I'm not going to go into much detail here. Then there was the return of Chris Masters. Oh wow, I am surprised. JR sounded so surprised. And John Cena looked ever so intimidated. And then Masters got his ass beat. Chris Masters needs to be placed in the struggling IC division and stay there.
We got treated to Jim Duggan and Eugene taking on five male cheerleaders. When are we going to get to see The Highlanders take the titles off the Squad? It needs to happen soon. And Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin need to reunite. Matt Hardy needs to come to RAW and we can have ourselves a good tag team division again. Hell, since we all are ignorant fools, Eugene can show up next week as a calculus teacher and team up with Rob Conway and bring us The Lords of the Ring like we had in OVW (they were a great, great team for anyone who didn't get to see them).
We also got treated to William Regal, Finlay, and Ken Kennedy...Kennedy...taking on the team of DX in the main event. Stop shoving DX down our throats. It's either they win after mounting a huge comeback or they just flat out lose. So we either must have John Cena doing that or DX. After a while, it does, in fact, get boring. And at the end of the night it was announced that at Unforgiven it will be DX versus The McMahon and Big Show in a Hell In A Cell. So, either DX will have a momentous comeback resulting in them winning or they will just lose to the odds.
So the matches so far are:
- John Cena Vs. Edge (c)
...WWE Championship
...TLC match
...If John Cena loses, he goes to SmackDown!
- Jeff Hardy Vs. Johnny Nitro (c)
...Intercontinental Championship
-Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, & The Big Show Vs. Shawn Michaels & Triple H
...Handicap match
...Hell In A Cell
-Randy Orton Vs. Carlito
Other rumored matches include:
-The Highlanders Vs The Spirit Squad (c)
...Tag Team Championship
-Lita (c) Vs. Trish Stratus (Trish's hometown; she'll come out second)
...Women's Championship
-Kane Vs. Umaga
Now, I can only say how the John Cena/Edge match will be the match of the night. It has the most hype of any of the matches. It's in Edge's hometown. It will be the main event. And it will steal the show. And my prediction is that John Cena will be winning. John Cena can not lose back to back Pay Per View main events with pride; he's not Triple H. Cena isn't that established yet. If WWE puts Edge over, this will be a waste of ten months of booking. My call is that Edge hits the Spear, but somehow Lita gets involved and accidentally costs Edge the title this time around (to mirror Summerslam) in his hometown. That way, they can chant "
You Screwed Edge!" and we can get some laughs. No, actually, in all seriousness, Cena will pick up the win here as he is slated to carry the title into at least New Year's Revolution and the rumor is that we will see John Cena Vs. Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania 23.
Jeff Hardy versus Johnny Nitro won't go over fifteen minutes as the WWE wants to get kill off this division obviously. Plus Edge/Cena will go more than a half an hour and so will the HIAC. And it's rumored that Jeff Hardy made a deal for a title run in order for him to come back and since he was put right in the spotlight, I'm calling the Jeff Hardy win in a less than stellar match.
The HIAC will be no more than a total crap. It will be predictable. HIACs don't mean anything anymore. There will be a metal stair bump. A sledgehammer involved. Obviously blood and I wouldn't be surprised to see a table or ladder or two. That's it. Considering it's
rumored (this has been proven false, although a man can dream) that at Survivor Series we'll see a reincarnation of the nWo take on a revamped DX, that means DX will pick up the victory here and go to Survivor Series pissing off Vince until Vince goes off the deep end and brings back the now (again).
Randy Orton versus Carlito looks to be the reinvention of the Intercontinental division and we will be treated by a great opening match with this one. Carlito and Randy Orton have been at each others throats since the Monday after Summerslam and I can't wait to see this match. I expect Randy Orton to pick up the win and challenge John Cena over the next few months for the WWE Championship. I see Carlito going up against Edge (as house shows have been predicting), so a loss by either man will not hurt.
If we do end up seeing Kane take on Umaga, does anyone remember Kane taking on Gene Snitsky a couple years back? Yeah, me too. Kane bleeding from the throat reminded me exactly of it. Kane did the job and now Snitsky is on Heat. If that means anything for this feud, I hope Umaga doesn't suffer the same fate as Snitsky because I enjoy those weekly increments of his manager yelling his name.
Trish Stratus versus Lita probably won't be for the Women's Championship, and if it is, it will involve Mickie James somehow because Trish will not be able to lose or win the title in her hometown. And she will be winning her final match of her WWE career in her hometown. Believe you me. And with Lita slated to be written off sometime around Survivor Series, the Women's division might as well be left to Pink Paddles on a Pole matches or Wet and Wild matches. Then again, to every blue blooded male out there reading this, that's the only reason we watch RAW each and every week, right?
Those are my predictions with two RAWs left until the Summerslam fallout PPV. I will stick with these predictions no matter what happens between then and now.
And last but not least, Hulk Hogan has done it again. In a radio interview in New York last week, the interviewer asked Hogan if he'd ever get back in the ring and Hogan responded with "I have two fake knees and a fake hip; it's getting pretty embarrassing out there. But I did punk out Randy Orton at Summerslam, brother." He needs to get over the fact the whole wrestling world is upset at that very point and he just mocks himself by bragging about it. What he is saying is that Randy Orton lost to a man with two fake knees and a fake hip. The world remembers WrestleMania III at Pontiac Silverdome where 93,000 people watched as Andre The Giant passed the torch to then, world renowned Hulk Hogan.
And now that's what Hogan needs to do. He needs to just accept that his wrestling career is over and pass the damn torch. Last year, Shawn Michaels put up his best mic work in over half his career and made the fans want to watch Hulk Hogan/Shawn Michaels at Summerslam. Hogan didn't even show up to two of the RAWs. And yet, Hogan won. When confronted about a rematch later that year (presumably at Survivor Series) and that Michaels wanted to even the score, Hogan's knee "started to act up, brother." That's total crap. And now he is gloating about how he "punked out" Randy Orton. People, I was at Summerslam in Boston and after Randy Orton hit the RKO, the place went crazy. Each and every person there that night wanted to see the end of Hulkamania right then and there. But it didn't happen. And it probably never will. Hogan will not balls up, and just lose. F**k you, Hulk Hogan. F**k. You.
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