There’s no question that in the mind’s of all informed (and many non-informed) wrestling fans that the supreme chancellor, the grand overlord, the imperial emperor of this truly odd industry is Vincent Kennedy McMahon. This man has taken on and beaten many a foe. Ted Turner, the US government, Bret Hart, homosexuals and even the almighty himself (not Hulk Hogan, God). Now Vince has laid claim to victory over God he is now surely ready for the push that will see him face his grandest opponent yet, the force of Time itself.
To give you a better idea of his plans to get this angle ‘off the table’ and into the ring I’ll let you in on the potential details. After Vince has some time off from his long running DX rumble he will return in his now infamous bad mood. After proclaiming his inherent greatness and humiliating Eric Bischoff and/or Paul Heyman in the first ever ‘who can crack an egg with their ass cheeks’ match (which will be the penultimate contest on a late summer Raw PPV - that’s £14.95 I’ll never see again) he’ll then continue to buff his already cosmos sized ego with a clean pin fall victory over the current WWE Champion, probably someone who’s just managing to get over as a main event star, Carlito for instance. Then, at the age of sixty something he will face his biggest nemesis to date, the omnipotent Time!
While Vince has enjoyed his ego buff , Time has been involved in a career making feud with his former tag team partner Space. Known as The Continuums they had captured the tag team titles from the newly formed Suicide Squad ( these ’terrorists’ targeted the capturing of the WWE Tag Team Titles as the perfect way to harm US foreign policy ). The Suicide Squad had worked their way up the ladder with a dirty victory over Eugene and Hacksaw Jim Duggan’s corpse on the biggest Heat main event since Charlie Haas and Viscera beat Jobber Phil and Mighty Monty in one on one tag team war back in 05!
It was at NBC’s lightly advertised ’Wednesday Afternoon’s Mid Card Occasion’ that The Continuums would capture the tag titles from those villainous wrestling terrorists. This match included exciting spots such as a running heel kick, two mildly athletic Japanese arm drags and a finish that blew away the Matinee audience, roll up. As the Suicide Squad (who where really Bull Buchanan and Perry Saturn in Ninja masks) where booed out of the building by the luc warm middle aged crowd at the half full All Saints Hall in Berk, Delaware, The Continuums stood loud and proud, titles raised and smiles a plenty, they were the newly, not very decorated Tag Team Champion’s of the World (on Raw).
It was quite clear from the early days that Time had far more natural charisma and crowd pleasing abilities than the somewhat bland and even boring Space. Time had depth, history, a great future and most important of all he enjoyed the odd friendly game of pool with HHH. Space, although technically sound, his mic skills where all over the place.
It wasn’t long before this mismatch would be split and of course it was to be Space who would suffer the wrath of the inevitable tag team break up. After a brief feud in which Space would commit diabolical acts such as holding Time’s family at ransom, the highlight of which was a slap fest involving Space and Time’s Dad, Father Time.
The feud was put to bed in a match at an early Autumn Raw PPV. Space and Time faced off in a Cosmic battle that would determine the very existence of the Universe itself. Time won via pin fall at an official time of 3.12.
So while Space was jobbing to Gene Snitsky in dark matches Time went from strength to strength. He captured the Intercontinental Title from the rebadged Naked Nitro (a gimmick first introduced by Mideon back in 2001). During the mid card match on an otherwise uneventful Raw Nitro’s genitalia was subject to an unfortunate collision with a sledgehammer, a little trick Time had learned from his new best buddy, the crowd loved it!
This meteoric rise was no coincidence. Vince McMahon had given the star an ultra-push in order to give Vince his dream main event. So during a feud in which Time’s old tag team partner Space would join the most exclusive club in wrestling (not the ‘who hasn’t been injured by Scott Steiner’ club, the other one) and a short series of matches against Vince’s official bodyguard, his now steroid pumping wife Linda, the heat was built up nicely. So the date was set and the match was booked. Time v Vince McMahon for the WWE Title at Survivor Series (There where plans to make it the Wrestlemania Main Event but Austin and Hogan refused to play second fiddle to Time).
So it is my humble prediction that at this year’s Survivor Series’ Vince will try and overcome time itself with this highly fantastical match-up. Of course I could be wrong. Vince could try and defeat time with some far more subtle booking, maybe DX vs nWo. Either way Vince is determined to defeat the one thing that no one in the history of existence itself could even imagine to overcome. Its obvious to me and anyone with a brain that its ego that fuels these attempts to become invincible. It may however be less obvious that in spite of my spoofish rant I am in support of these egos, I am in support of these dream matches and I am definitely in support of the ridiculous fun of the squared circle. Professional Wrestling, the true parody of life.
Tony Hudson
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