Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow Phantom Lord and this is the all important Rant of The Week. As always I am coming to you from my bunker in the urban hell hole that is Brooklyn, New York and I dropped the ball once again. I thought I had it in me to return to at least a semi-weekly basis for writing but for some reason I didn’t. It’s not that there wasn’t anything to write about. It’s just as usual I didn’t feel like writing about it. But here I am so I must obviously be in a writing mood and as usual I’ll do my best not to disappoint.
So here we are a couple of days after The Survivor Series and I’m old enough to remember when the show was on a Wednesday night (I miss those days and PPV prices). As I type this it’s my 27th birthday, so it’s amazing to think the first Survivor Series was twenty years ago when I just turned seven years old.
God I feel old.
Well aside from my birthday, the big story of the week was the return of Chris Jericho on Monday Night RAW. After a couple months of these mysterious computer code promo videos the time had come where the code had been broken. Someone was here to save us and it was Y2J. Now granted this whole save us thing didn’t go according to the WWE’s plan. We pretty much figured out it was Jericho as soon as it started plus there was that amusing story about Stephanie McMahon wanting to know who leaked it onto the internet.
The visual of Stephanie scouring through hundreds of pages of e-mail’s and text messages is hilarious as she looks for the source who leaked everything. But personally I think they waited to long. It would have made sense to have Jericho at least show up in video form at Cyber Sunday. I mean all the computer code stuff along with the computer theme of the ppv…it sort of goes together. In the end it all worked out as Chris Jericho came to confront Randy Orton and it led to by far the biggest ovation on RAW in years. So Jericho looks like Jon Bon Jovi now. Well it’s a look that works for him. Besides Jericho said it best in an interview when he said James Hetfield, Bruce Dickinson, and others have cut off the long hair and it didn’t effect them one bit. There still as great as they ever were.
With Jericho back it should make things interesting again. When he confronted Randy Orton he called him on being bland and boring. Now I like Randy Orton, but for what ever reason the WWE does not want him to be the real prick that we know he can be. So what we get is a safe and controlled version. It’s still pretty good with the career killing and all, but still Jericho was right when he said Orton has a monotone voice.
It’s annoying but hey the WWE thinks they know better on how to book people. I mean driving Carlito to the point of where he said f*** it I quit…brilliant move WWE. So if Randy Orton being bland and monotone is the way to go then so be it. I’m just glad he’s lasted this long as champion in his second…I forgot it’s his third run. Triple H just had to hold the title for a couple hours during that cluster f*** of a PPV after Cena got hurt. At least Orton won in the end, but you know it would have just made sense to do a mini tournament between Orton and someone and Triple H vs. Umaga. We all knew Triple H was winning that match anyway, but you could have made it seem a little more important then it was.
But back to the Jericho/Orton thing. I believe they are supposed to have a match at Armageddon for the WWE title. Me personally I would have stretched it out till the Royal Rumble or even Wrestlemania. Make Jericho earn the shot rather then just do it now and get it over with. The big question is how long Jericho will be a face in all of this. Jericho is at his best as a cocky heel. Sure he’s being cocky right now, but you know it’s only a matter of time before he gets tired of smiling like Bon Jovi and goes back to really being the Chris Jericho we all know and love.
Ultimately I’m holding back on really commenting on this thing until I see where it goes. It’s thing I have. I don’t like worrying about things in the future because one they haven’t happened yet and two there’s no guarantee they will. I mean for all we know in six months I could be writing a column called “Jesus Christ they sure f***ed up Jericho’s return”.
Well maybe not titled that exactly but you catch my drift. I mean I sure hope that doesn’t happen, but then again this is the same company that dropped the ball on the Invasion. So nothing would surprise me. But for once I’m going to be optimistic rather then my pessimistic self. I have hope for this because I’m a Jericholic and God knows this is a lot better then giving SNITSKY tv time.
Speaking of Snitsky what the hell were they thinking when they had him run out during the Umaga/Hardy match last week. It was such an awesome match and then he lumbers out and you can hear the air get sucked out of the arena. No offense to Gene. I mean we all loved Gene the Baby Punter. But Snitsky the bald pale pimple encrusted sicko not so much. I mean when he comes out he comes out to dead silence from the crowd. He’s not over yet they keep him around. I don’t know what throwing him into a feud with Triple H will accomplish, but I hope to God the WWE doesn’t seriously even considering putting the Intercontinental Title on him. I used to hate Jeff Hardy with a passion. Now I like him and appreciate his insanity in the ring. He’s by far probably the most over face on the roster at the moment. Don’t screw that up by giving Snitsky a title run. I mean didn’t you guys learn anything from Test?
Moving along we come to Smackdown and the big story over there is the angle they started with Edge and Vickie Guerrero. On Smackdown the other night the show started off with Vickie yelling at Edge for ruining the hell in the cell match and costing The Undertaker his final shot at the title. And after a minute Edge said he couldn’t have done it with out her and the next thing you know they’re like a couple of teenagers as they start making out.
Now anything with Vickie Guerrero seems to be a very touchy subject. She’s the widow of Eddie Guerrero and she’s doing her best to raise his three daughters. The only reason she’s in the WWE is because they threw her a bone (though I contend if they really gave her royalties from those Eddie memorial things, she wouldn’t have to any of this). It’s not a bad gig for her as all she has to do is show up for TV and PPV’s and she gets what I would assume is a nice pay check. But here they are thrusting her into a soap angle where she’s now the assumed lover of the sleaziest man in the WWE. I can see where people would have a problem with that. I mean from a logic standpoint it makes no sense as to why she would have been in cohoots with Edge. But the fact that she’s apparently Edge’s new sex toy was not the worst part of the night.
At the end of the show The Undertaker came out and Edge ran for the hills leaving Vickie alone in the ring and The Undertaker grabbed her by the throat teasing a chokeslam. Finally he picked her up for the Tombstone and waited for Edge to look and he tombstoned her. Vickie Guerrero got tombstoned by The Undertaker. Granted it was not as bad as the night Kane tombstoned Linda McMahon and there was at a huge gap between her head and the stage, but still the fact they had to go there was enough to anger a lot of people.
If Edge wasn’t such a bastard, The Undertaker would be the most hated man in the WWE right now. It also says a lot where you can tombstone a defenseless widow like that and the entire locker room flies out wanting to beat the crap out of you. Shit if it were Memphis in the 80’s there would have been a full blown riot if the woman was someone sympathetic. But here it gets a huge pop as the crowd cheers.
Originally this angle came about from the mind of Michael P.S. Hayes. He came up with those whole angle around Teddy Long and the overdosing of Viagra. We would find out Vickie knew about this condition and exploited it and she would basically become the latin version of Mr. McMahon. A very evil boss who will stop at nothing to make the life of certain people a living hell.
There was some idea to center it on Rey Mysterio vs. Vickie to be the Mexican version of Austin/McMahon. But obviously that’s probably all out the window now. Who the hell knows what will happen now. Vickie is technically only the acting GM as Teddy is still recovering. Will she be replaced or will she come back to declare war on The Undertaker. See if it were up to me I would bring back The American Badass Undertaker. Just have him chase after Edge leading up to a huge match at Wrestlemania. It’s rumored at the moment that Edge will win back the world championship at Armageddon. So having The Undertaker chase after him as Edge does everything he can think of to duck The deadman’s wrath would build up to an awesome match. Plus you can do the whole streak vs. streak thing as an added bonus.
I say bring back The American Badass because I miss that Undertaker. I miss The Undertaker that talked about his yard and beating respect into people. He doesn’t need the motorcycle since Palumbo has that gimmick, but after he tombstoned Vickie the other night the only thing missing was The Undertaker cutting a promo where he said “Edge, I’m gonna f*** you up”.
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