Hello everybody, and welcome to another edition of Reading Between the Ropes. Before I delve in to this edition of RBTR, I would firstly like to highlight a little landmark I past recently. I started writing RBTR back in December 2001, so I have now hit the five year mark as a columnist, and I’m on my way in to year six. First and foremost, I would like to thank all the readers who have kept RBTR going for so long. I said it last year, and I will say it again, I write for you guys, not myself. Without your readership, there would be no RBTR, so I’d like to thank you guys. Secondly, I’d like to thank all the webmasters who have given my column a chance and given me a platform to get my work out in to the public domain. Thank you all, very much.
Now, around this time last year I put together a column which was a little bit different from the usual RBTR editions; one that was more light-heartedly, a bit of fun, and meant to be taken with a pinch of salt. The column proved quite popular amongst readers so I’ve decided to bring it back this year. In case you cannot recall, the column was entitled ‘2006: Year Of…’, and looked at prospects and predictions for the forthcoming wrestling year. Today I present to you the same column, in the same format, except, well… for 2007. Again, like last year, some predictions will be genuine… some ridiculous. See if you can spot which is which.
- The tag team scene will continue getting hotter and hotter in the WWE, with teams benefiting significantly from the more relaxed brand crossover rules (not that there were any set rules to begin with).
- The Undertaker will make it to 15-0 at Wrestlemania this year.
- Finlay’s leprechaun will begin fighting back with his master.
- Paul London and Brian Kendrick will have an acrimonious split after losing the tag titles, resulting in a heated feud with Ashley caught in the middle of it all.
- More wrestling-orientated divas will be signed by the WWE in order to fill the void left by Trish Stratus and Lita.
- Batista and John Cena will prove to be the major feud of 2007, with a strong possibility of the combination headlining Wrestlemania at Fort Field.
- One of the interns will inform Teddy Long that his Smackdown! Sprint competition somewhat resembles the Beat The Clock feature on Raw. Teddy will pay no attention and continue to pass off his idea as being groundbreaking.
- Sid Vicious will star in the sequel to the Passion of the Christ. The highlight will prove to be Sid claiming he gave baby Jesus the gift of the powerbomb, screaming “I CURSE YOU GOD! I CURSE YOOOUUU!”
- Hulk Hogan will have “one last match”… then, maybe, another. And another.
- Linda Robin will break her own record for the most columns published in one calendar year on the IWC, submitting a staggering 6,381 columns, comfortably beating last year’s 5,680 (something she confirmed to me in an email).
- With Survivor Series 2007 set to be held at - drum roll – Montreal, the WWE won’t be able to resist referring to, and doing… well… you know what.
- David Long will patent the phrase “DDP screwed DDP”, only to find that, in doing so, his ability to convince Page of another interview on his radio show has substantially diminished, thus making the more apt phrase “Long screwed Long”.
- DDP will patent the phrase “Long screwed Long”.
- Stephanie McMahon will get bigger (again).
- Lashley’s neck will disappear forever.
- Rated RKO will separate as the respective egos prove too giant to coexist.
- The WWE will continue to make up the rules regarding inter-brand matches as they go along, with all kinds of movement back and forth whenever seems convenient, yet, somehow, Wrestlemania, Survivor Series, and the Royal Rumble will still be billed as one of the few nights a year that the brands collide.
- Scientists will conduct major research in to Jeb Tennyson Lund’s claims about the powerful and awe-inspiring being that is ‘The Knee of Billy Gunn’ (that’s not Billy’s Gunn’s knee for those of you wondering - there’s a difference, folks), revealing that it can be used in finding a cure for the common cold.
- Samoa Joe will reclaim the ROH World Title, aiming to better his own record for the longest ROH World Title reign to date.
- Fort Field will prove a fantastic venue for Wrestlemania, finally bringing the big event feel back to the show due to its sheer size and setup.
- Eugene Dinsmore’s father will be revealed as none other than Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
- Vince Russo will leave TNA… then rejoin… then leave… then rejoin… then leave.
- Joey Mercury’s nose will turn up on ebay.
- Austin Starr will complete his metamorphosis in to the “Macho Man” Randy Savage.
- Much like the Smackdown! vs. Raw video game prophesised, Candice will use her magic wand to startling affect.
- The Paparazzi will continue to provide hilarious television on Impact, with Kevin Nash’s renaissance also continuing.
- Sonjay Dutt will fail a drugs test.
- 2007 won’t be Gene Snitsky’s fault.
- HHH will attempt to kill Ric Flair… only for Flair to mysteriously forgive HHH without explanation. Hunter will also defend Flair’s honour and berate anyone who also dares to try and kill Flair, labelling them ‘gutless’.
- Raw will continue to forget that they are still searching for a replacement for Eric Bischoff as General Manager.
- More celebrities will show up in the WWE for cheap ratings boosts and random matches/altercations.
- Eric Young won’t get fired.
- The Elimination Chamber will be dragged out unnecessarily and ineffectually again, further exacerbating its decline as a spectacle.
- Sting will finally hang up his boots once and for all with a send off fitting and deserving of a fine career.
- Don West will call a match without shouting and yelling “Have you ever in your life, Mike...”
- WWE will add more PPVs to their calendar. The increase will see the PPV count for 2007 around the 112 mark, up from last year’s 97 (as predicted in the corresponding column last year!).
- WWE will start advertising the dates that they DON’T show a PPV.
- WWE films will churn out more movies this year that result in bizarre angles on WWE television in order to shill the movie to death.
- Kane will stay in bed on May 19th.
- Douglas Nunnally will have a fantastic, superb, brilliant, excellent, not to mention OUTSTANDING, 2007.
- And, just like last year… wrestling will continue to thrill, shock, disappoint, sadden, and surprise each and every one of us.
Happy new year everybody!
Until next time,
Mitchell L. Gadd
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