Even though the idea of negative motivation has been bastardised somewhat, notably that they carry a moralistic, religious overtone, the seven deadly sins are still a fairly accurate breakdown of what is corrupt in an over-ambitious personality. More than being just the epitome of modern excesses (overeating, sexual perversion, laziness) the seven sins are variations of desire that exist where a realistic approach has been abandoned. For anyone that I lost at the words “Even though...”, here’s a long list of pricks and what’s wrong with them. K?
ENVY (the desire for that which others have attained)
As close to a ‘no-brainer’ as you’ll get in this column, step forward the World champion of planet Jarrett, Mr Jeff Jarrett. In a sit-down interview with Jim Ross on WWF programming back in 1997 or 1998 (I forget which), Jarrett prophesised that he would make Vince McMahon eat his words by becoming the most successful world champion in WWF history. It wasn’t so much what he said that was a concern, it was that you could see he really meant it. Blessed with neither the size, speed nor charisma to be a genuine main eventer (and possessing a strong southern accent, a real killer in McMahon land) Jarrett presumably thought that belief alone was enough to propel oneself to the gold. Several years and numerous Steve Blackman matches later, it must have dawned on him that management was blind to his marquee abilities. In TNA however, through a mixture of nepotism, ownership and booking, Jarrett ensured that here was a sandpit in which he carried the big spade and decided who got to play. He has used both the underling and semi-retired talent that has come through TNA’s doors to present himself as a legitimate top-line player and even when Christian took the journey south he retained his spot as ‘the man’ on Impact and left the new champ looking unable to star in the shows he championed. If the gold proves anything in pro-wrestling it should prove that the holder is someone who can move the company forward and all Jarrett has done is make himself the big fish in an increasingly smaller pond.
GREED (totality; desire that cannot be satiated)
Anybody not writing down the name Vince McMahon now should go stand at the back. Take your pick from the destruction of the territorial system, the purchase of his closest opposition, exclusivity or preferential rights to most major US arenas, strict copyright enforcement or a work ethic that would put most ants to shame as the reason why the WWE is the number one promotion in the occidental region at this time and for the foreseeable future. It can’t be the money or the fame that pushes him to constantly outdo himself because he’s got more of both than he knows what to with so presumably, if there is no motivational reason for it, it must be an addiction to the routine that is to blame. McMahon has said himself on numerous occasions that he has an ‘unbelievable zest for life’ but if that were true then surely the quotidian of travelling, coming up with booking ideas that are similar, if not the same, and facing repeated bland business dealings on a daily basis are hardly the actions of someone who wants to experience every colourful facet of existence on this vast and diverse planet. Like any heavy smoker or drinker, McMahon has convinced himself that the hole left if his vice were removed is one that cannot be filled and it is more than likely that the episode of Raw that commemorates his passing will be a week after one in which he had performed. And in which he’d probably groped a diva. And fired someone.
GLUTTONY (the need for more than would sustain)
In trying to take the road less travelled I will resist the obvious temptation and not blurt out Big Show’s name, despite his love for plate-clearing continuing even after getting bumped all the way down to OVW several years ago, and instead offer the accolade to Hulk Hogan. More than being about food, this sin is aimed at those who can’t relinquish their need for the ego-boosting kudos associated with their chosen field and Hogan seems pretty guilty of that. The only instances where Hogan appears not to be intent on taking home the ‘w’ is if his match is at or near the main event slot but this just demonstrates that he is as addicted to the importance of his matches as he is to the outcome. If Hogan’s desire was satisfied by all that he has achieved over his illustrious career then maybe he would see that both he and the wrestling world could benefit from a performer of his standing engaging in meaningful feuds to pass on the legacy that he worked so hard to earn over the years. The gimmicked belief he has in his lame tv show and his daughter’s laughable pop career would suggest otherwise and Hogan’s occasional ‘lap of honour’ roadshow will appear in your town someday soon.
SLOTH (the expectation that success can be achieved without effort)
Big Show this time, surely? Nope. The sheer volume of stuff that Show has done during his career shows that in all categories except dieting, the man is willing to try anything once. What we need is someone who does one thing and one thing only, someone who knows what he is and is waiting for wrestling to want to see it again rather than adapt to new ideas. I give you the thinking man’s Mr Magoo, Bill Goldberg. I can’t say it any better than Bill did himself ... “What the fans want to see is me do the spear, the jackhammer and then the three-count”. Apart from being a massive insult to our intelligence, it is amazing that Goldberg has identified his limitations and concluded that we should be grateful to pay money to see it time and time again. I know not every wrestling company in the US subscribes to the ‘sports entertainment’ ethic used so blatantly by the WWE but Goldberg’s self-stylised demolition jobs are hardly in-keeping with the tumbling and move variations used in almost all independent promotions and the subdued remnants of TNA’s lesser-named ranks. Goldberg’s winning streak in WCW worked because it was fresh, incomplete and very much of its time. All it does now is prove that Goldberg is a one-dimensional performer who was in the right place at the right time and refuses to move on.
LUST (bestial desire; devoid of rationality or pragmatism)
Although I’m not completely buying the whole ‘lost the plot’ theory, I’m still going to give this one to Kurt Angle. It should be said that in the civilised world we do not live in a nanny state and people are entitled to push their personal limits to the fullest or learn from their mistakes when they exceed them. Angle doesn’t need to be protected from himself. Having said that, I do wonder about someone’s ability to work a mutually beneficial program with a fellow wrestler when they have recently claimed that “I am a vicious person” and that he “Enjoyed working stiff with an opponent”. It isn’t unusual for an ex-WWE employee to put themselves over the company when they move on but Kurt’s opining that “They weren’t using me as a champion” and that he “Never got a run like Rock or Austin” shows that he had stopped thinking of himself as part of the process and merely looked for what he believed was his by right. Whilst none of us can really predict the future, Kurt’s claims that TNA’s ratings will double with his presence and that TNA will be a viable like-for-like competitor to the WWE in three years demonstrates a severe lack of understanding about the business he is in and shows that Angle is saying anything and everything just to make a few waves (regardless of what type of sex his wife likes). I appreciate that when giving lengthy interviews the likelihood of letting something slip that fuels the fire of concern over his sanity is increased but Kurt should have the common sense to see that what he should be portraying right now is realism and restraint. Olympic gold medallist or not, contradiction and erratic behaviour in someone that motivated is potentially very dangerous.
PRIDE (vanity; the desire to be worshipped for one’s own abilities)
Anyone care to state the difficulties in assigning elevated narcissism in a field of egomaniacs? I think it’s fairly safe to suggest that it’s rife across the board so I’m looking for someone who has taken their opinion of themselves and raised it to something that is more than the self ... pray silence for everyone’s favourite fruit-loop, (Ultimate) Warrior. I’m not sure how relevant it is to apply rationality to someone who rapes Santa Claus in comic book form but he does seem so entrenched in his own conspiracy theories that he’ll eventually turn on anyone with whom he comes into contact. I’ll ignore the “queering” references and the stuff about Darren Drozdov being a “cripple” and I’ll even let slide that any fan that has watched his matches has wasted numerous minutes of their lives that could have been spent doing ANYTHING else but ... actually, that’s enough. Next.
ANGER (frustration; the expectation of success without accepting the possibility of failure)
I appreciate that I have twisted the meaning here more than the others but I’ll stand by it. As a product of frustration, anger is caused by a reliance on fairness and that can only be achieved where blame is dumped at the feet of anyone else except the protagonist. And to me that sounds like Eric Bischoff. In any forum he can find, Bischoff will expound the successes of the monster that he ‘created’ yet any mention of the reasons behind WCW’s collapse and Eric will reel off a list including McMahon, the big egos in WCW at the time and WB Executive Jamie Kellner who withdrew the tv time that sank his Fusient Media Ventures deal and allowed Vince to purchase the company for next to nothing. Even ignoring ephemeral bad booking ideas like Kiss, Master P or David Arquette, Bischoff has to be held accountable for letting the lunatics run the asylum and, rather than being held up as a beacon of originality, he should realise that his only achievement was to out-WWE the WWE. No mean feat, but hardly the actions of a visionary. Also, if we are to believe that Bischoff’s protestations are anything other than a neon arrow pointing as his new book then you’d be underestimating how much pride he had to swallow to become ‘just another’ WWE superstar. If the key to business is recognising when the ass needs kicking and when it needs kissing, Bischoff will find a way to get it done.
If I am trying to make a point, rather than just slag off some of the usual suspects, you need to look at the bigger picture. Of this one thing you can be damn sure, without these character traits you wouldn’t have heard of any of the above performers. Hogan’s stamina, Jarrett’s perseverance, Goldberg’s surety, Vince’s passion, Kurt’s drive, Warrior’s obstinacy and Bischoff’s adaptability are the foundations on which a successful career must be built. To take it a step further, if TNA wants to become a genuine rival to the WWE then it needs to stop pretending that this can be done with a new piece of talent here and there or a six-sided ring and take the only measure necessary ... poison its own lockerroom with arrogance, politics and back-stabbing. Only then will it have the environment in which stars can be created, at the expense of others. Vince McMahon hasn’t found the secret formula to presenting a perfect wrestling product, I’m not even sure there is such a thing, but he has realised that the only way to succeed is to get people talking and that requires cramming the product down our throats until can’t help but puke out our opinions to avoid choking on them.
Okay, that’s me. Continuing this series of ‘sevens’, next week I will present a list of the seven DWARVES of wrestling. Although so far I’ve only got RVD as Dopey. Obviously I would have included William Regal but I don’t remember there being a dwarf called Nobby. I’ll think of something.
Lee
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