Wrestling legend Lou Thesz once said, “If it is to be, it is up to me”. And though these words are a mantra for determination and self-reliance, it is also true that outside help is sometimes required to carve a path in the wrestling industry. Managers and Valets have been around the sport since Ric Flair was just middle-aged and, even though the significance of the practice has been in decline for a while, some stars still benefit from that all-important alternative voice. The most commonly held belief is that an accompaniment is given to someone who lacks a certain talent, usually promo delivery, but if that were solely the case then why were people like Ultimate Warrior or Lex Luger allowed to bore the snot out of us for so long without being pushed to the back and told to shut up and look mean (a feat also beyond their capabilities unfortunately). I’ll spare you the history lesson that you don’t need to hear and I’m not nearly qualified enough to give and I’ll concentrate on several current WWE performers who have an extra set of legs at ringside and assess if they are necessary.
I guess the best place to start is the one that has the least to do with an on-screen issue. Booker T’s WWE career has been a mercurial affair to date with some title runs of note but never really feeling like the company was putting their faith behind him 100%. His image is fine, he’s a good wrestler, but sometimes with a lazy execution to his matches, and they’ve finally discovered that the best way to gloss over his promo shortcomings is to let him ramble on like a lunatic until he runs out of breath and nears unconsciousness. To a few it might seem odd that he has been lumbered with someone whose only job seems to be to share half his spotlight and talk over half his lines and, even though we all know he and Sharmell are married in real life, it still appears to do little from a character perspective to enhance his gimmick. But then enhancement doesn’t seem that important when someone’s presence is a necessity. The word ‘retirement’ has been quietly synonymous with Booker for the last few years and at the time he was recovering from injury it looked unlikely that he would return to a full schedule. After a previously unsuccessful attempt to bring Sharmell to Smackdown as a backstage reporter it was then decided to pair them up as fully fledged husband/wife and wrestler/valet. Her acting leaves a little to be desired and her microphone voice sounds like a cat being neutered with a claw hammer but the mid-card is no place for pretensions of purity and a few well placed screams and ridiculous facial expressions can do as much for a feud as a thirty-minute mat classic. Whether you think Sharmell is hurting his image or not, the bottom line is that right now she is the reason he is happy to continue travelling and the reason he is content to exist in the mid-card without pushing for a spot at the top.
Speaking of repeating an idea, JBL is guilty of doing a straight ‘cabinet for cabinet’ swap. Think about it. Jillian Hall may only be one woman but she has the face of Amy Weber, breasts like Doug and Danny Basham’s heads and, even though I can’t say for sure that her ‘hair’ sticks up like Orlando’s, I do hear a nasty rumour that her eggs are about to come with a side of sausage. Putting the slurs aside for a moment (well, I’ll try) Jillian has done more for JBL than The Cabinet did and in half the time. She’s a relaxed and competent vocal performer and, when given the opportunity, is one of the few women left with a solid wrestling foundation. The main benefit to JBL is that, despite that mole (which luckily became nothing more than a change to The Boogeyman’s usual diet), Hall has stayed very much out of his spotlight and has only filled in the gaps created by a slightly limiting ‘rich Texan’ gimmick. The problem that the WWE will discover with Jillian’s character (if they decide to keep her with JBL) is that his one-dimensionality affects her gimmick too and she’ll be locked into a cycle of standing behind him during promos and running away from other wrestlers which only stretches her emotional range to smugness and panic. If you were to compare that to Lita, who isn’t in this column because she’s transcended fluff duty, that isn’t nearly enough work to convince management that she should be moved to Raw and pushed as a proper diva/wrestler. So it is debatable whether or not JBL needs Jillian, but she could sure do without him. Of course, as long as the only alternative isn’t getting released.
If we’re talking about the most necessary then I guess that would be Melina. Ignoring the fact that sometimes she looks like a cross between J’lo and Bullwinkle, it is undeniable that Mercury and Nitro without Melina would be a talented but bland squash tag to the bigger but far more crap teams we’ve encountered of late (Animal/Heidenreich, Gymini). The glitterati image they have is down to Melina’s pseudo-socialite gimmick and they are presented as though she is definitely the one in charge and pulls all the strings behind the scenes. Everything about her work is being isolated and trademarked, from her ring entrance to her ear-piercing screams, and the camera seems to spend as much time watching her during their matches as it does on the action. It was then that creative forgot about what was working up to that time and involved her in the sexual assault accusations against then champ Batista. I can’t think of anyone who would have emerged from that bad idea without losing some of their momentum but it hit Melina harder than Batista because she was doing almost all of the uncomfortable snivelling and staring at the floor. Luckily the idea was quietened just before Dave canned it completely with his injury and she’s returned to her old schtick as if she’d never been away. It was at this point I was expecting to adduce that Melina is hogging her charge’s spotlight but I don’t think that’s the way it comes across. Accepting they’d be a lot worse off without her is one thing but realising that her presence is boosting Mercury and Nitro’s chances of staying as the dominant (cough) tag team in the WWE, and subsequently according them the sort of career foundation that could lead to longevity, is another thing entirely. For now, both the M’s and the N are winning so long may it continue.
I said earlier that most managers are brought in to cover a lack of talent in the promo delivery department and, on the surface at least, Mark Henry and Daivari would appear to be the best example of this. But there is slightly more to it than that. The perfect wrestler, a ‘template’ if you like, is someone who has an adaptable ring style and can convincingly portray a plethora of emotions so that the writers can feel confident going anywhere with the storyline and the performer wouldn’t be out of their depth doing something other than grunting. I think we can all agree that Henry’s sweaty, strong-arm style is hardly the definition of the word ‘adaptable’ but Daivari can only cover that so much with a few well-placed bumps to enliven a sleepy crowd. It is that limited range of portrayal where Daivari’s assistance is worth the money. Standing at the back and looking mean (which, unlike Warrior and Luger, he can do REALLY well), Henry can contemplate which restaurant he’ll empty after the show while Daivari rants and raves at the microphone, the interviewer, the audience and more likely the voices in his head too. Being the fury to Henry’s sloth, Daivari can add layers of sight and sound to Henry’s screen time without him having to engage his rage every twenty seconds, which would ultimately leave him seeming weaker over time. Best to keep Mark’s anger bubbling under the surface only to be unleashed during matches, attacks and at closed branches of McDonald’s. As for who benefits the most? Does it matter? Mark Henry has once again served his contractual usefulness getting the WWE from the Rumble to Wrestlemania without blowing the big payoff and now Undertaker can pick up another easy win to add to the streak without burying any of the true up and coming talent. And Daivari? Any male performer of his size should unfortunately be grateful on a daily basis that they haven’t been released from the WWE yet and that’s a shame because he’s a damn good all-rounder and he deserves a lot better than what he’s currently getting. But he’s still there.
Lastly, I might as well end with the most important and that’s Shelton’s Momma. Out of interest, do we know her first name yet? I couldn’t remember. In the most optimistic of circles, the best reaction you could find to the Momma gimmick when the rumours started many months ago was “it might not be as bad as it sounds”. I’ll give any character idea a go, for a while, but even I was struggling to find something good in the concept. Not because of the stereotypical racist overtone (which you can go with if you wish) but because it seemed clichéd, tired and appeared to exist only to drag an exciting athletic performer into the ranks of the pre-mid-card funny matches. I think the biggest pre-debut fear about gimmicks like hers is that the WWE has a history of offering superficial characterisations, which they lose interest in very quickly once that initial pop has worn off, and Shelton’s stock would only have diminished by the time Momma was wheeled back to the home and his wrestling career would resume. Luckily, the person to whom we were introduced was a well-rounded (no pun intended) character with depth and energy, and much of that credit should go to the actress herself. So far, the WWE have not attached the race card to the Benjamins, which is a relief, and they have been given diverse things to do, culminating in Shelton regaining the IC title and his inclusion in the Money in the bank ladder match at Wrestlemania. Thing is, Shelton is still the amazing wrestler he was before but now he can get laughs, win by cheating, cry or jump around like an idiot without having to wear a silly costume or get married to a McMahon. Hell, he’s even got his own chant now. The average WWE career is a long time to be doing the same thing and it is as important to take a wrestler into unfamiliar territory as it is to take them from it and back to what they do best. Shelton may seem at times as though he’s playing second fiddle to Momma but it’s all mileage on his journey, one that I hope has a long road ahead.
When assessing if accompaniment is necessary, I think the situation is more applicable than some dearth in the wrestler. HHH, HBK and Undertaker all benefited from a little company at the height of their careers so it is not a given that managers and valets are fill-ins for a lack of ability. Equally, there are more than a few wrestlers on the current WWE roster who could use a little help in getting themselves over yet none seems forthcoming. Maybe it’s as simple as the theory about factions in pro-wrestling, inasmuch as “you throw enough crap against the wall that some of it’s bound to stick”. But if the example of Momma Benjamin has shown the writers anything, it is that managers and valets should be more than just the personification of aggressive promotion and that they should justify their appearance singularly, not just babysitters for unruly children.
Lee
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