Who the hell doesn't love to be surprised? In the era of internet spoilers, genuine surprises are hard to come by. John Cena's recent return at the Royal Rumble was undoubtedly one of the biggest surprises to elude the watchful eye of online wrestling reporters and smart marks alike. Originally reported to be absent from the ring for almost a year, Cena made his return to the ring in under four months, much to the chagrin of fans who, while not exactly celebrating that a performer was felled by a career-threatening injury, relished the time that RAW became RAW once more, and not "The John Cena Show."
All commentary on John Cena aside, the recent mega-surprise that shocked viewers brought to mind some moments when, as a fan, I had no idea of what was about to happen. Speaking for myself, the charm of sports entertainment doesn't lie within the realm of bodyslams and complex submission maneuvers. With the number of MMA-style shows cramming cable television schedules, those can all be found in abundance. What sets wrestling apart from the myriad of brutal grappling on television is its more campy and soap opera aspect. Like any good soap opera, wrestling strains the drama factor to its very seams. Granted, you're not going to sit through an episode of RAW clutching a box of Kleenex, but every once in a while, wrestling fans are moved to a rare state of empathy for wrestlers in part of an angle…. Or a botched angle.
In the rough and tumble world of sports entertainment, there have been moments when the characters being portrayed take an unexpected turn, making them seem more human. Often, humility plays a huge role in wringing sympathy from the fans for a wrestler that may have otherwise elicited jeers. And it's the art of the surprise -- when a wrestler does something completely unexpected -- that brings about these memorable moments of sympathy.
An instance that sticks out in my mind that made me see a hulking behemoth of a heel in a completely different light involved Vader. Once known as Big Van Vader, this mastodon of a man prominently figured into several WCW feuds with top stars like Hogan and Flair before moving to WWE. Things went well for some time for Vader, feuding with the Undertaker, Ken Shamrock, and other top talents during the Attitude Era.
However, there comes a time when all things must come to an end. Things really started to wind to a close for Vader as his status as a big man shifted to that of a jobber. Having lost not just the match, but his trademark mask in a PPV bout against then-newcomer Kane, this angle yielded a rare surprising moment. No, it wasn't seeing Vader's face without a mask. Let's face it, Vader didn't have much of a mask to begin with and I had already seen what ol' Leon White looked like when he played the part of the father of the school bully on Boy Meets World.. (So, sue me! I was in high school! Who didn't watch Boy Meets World!?)
Nope. The real shocker was what dropped out of Vader's mouth shortly thereafter, captured for all time thanks to the stellar sound and video crew at work that night when Vader uttered: "I'm a fat piece of shit."
Whoa.
I'll admit it. I had never been a big Vader fan. I kind of chuckled at the out-of-breath way he'd bellow that "It's… time. It's… time. It's… Vader! Time!" at the beginning of his ring intro. I even occasionally inducted a similar version of his intro into my everyday vernacular to announce mundane aspects of my day like "It's…Hormel Chili time!" or (usually an hour later) "It's… Bathroom! Time!" That was as close to being a Vader fan as I had gotten to that point. I had never actively rooted for Vader, as he usually battled some of my favorite wrestlers.
Yet, at that moment, I don't know what came over me, I just felt so bad for the guy. Here he was, tripping over himself, landing on the mat without a hint of grace, and being forced to relinquish one of his more defining characteristics. Lots of guys end up as jobbers, but to see such a jaw-dropping display of low self-esteem from a wrestler -- a superhuman heel, at that -- was kind of sad. I'd expect this level of emo self-loathing from a character on Degrassi, but not a wrestler of Vader's stature.
To this day, I still feel bad bearing witness to the beginning of the end of Vader's tenure in the big leagues.
Moving from Vader to more recent snafus, I always feel really bad for those wrestlers who trip on their way into the ring and don't have the benefit of laughing off or playing off their botched entrance. On a recent PPV, Melina botched a high jump into a split on her ring entrance, knocking herself off the apron in what looked to be a painful snag. To her credit, Melina laughed it off and re-did her entrance the way it's meant to be seen.
While Melina was fortunate enough to have the good humor to laugh it off and smile for the crowd, Ultimo Dragon wasn't quite as lucky. On the grandest stage of them all -- Wrestlemania XX -- the highly decorated legend of Japanese wrestling and lucha libre tripped on his way to the ring prior to a cruiserweight invitational. As an added touch of irony, ring announcer Michael Cole had just made mention seconds before Ultimo Dragon's near-spill that the cruiserweights have "perfect balance," praising the agility of the division. Already rather embarrassing, Ultimo Dragon lost his footing on the ring ropes while grandstanding to the crowd moments later. It's one thing to trip on television or any other PPV, but to do it at Wrestlemania… you can't help but feel bad for the guy.
Perhaps the most famous instance of a snafu leading to the rapid downward spiral of a performer's sports entertainment career can be summed up in just one word: Shockmaster.
No one name in the wrestling lexicon will live in more shame and infamy than that of The Shockmaster. Originally built up as an immensely powerful mystery opponent who would team with Sting and the "British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith against Sid and Harlem Heat at WCW's 1993 Fall Brawl, Sting and the Bulldog were to name their partner in a segment with all six men involved in the match on A Flair For the Gold.
The Shockmaster was to be the new gimmick given to the recently migrated Fred Ottman. Up until this point, Ottman had been formerly known as Tugboat, and later Typhoon in WWE. The Shockmaster was to be unveiled on the Ric Flair-hosted WCW segment.
First of all, the gimmick of The Shockmaster, as fleshed out by the WCW Powers-That-Be at the time, wasn't so hot. Wearing a pair of jeans tucked into boots (before it became fashionable), no shirt, and a furry vest that either came from a Warlord or Sonny Bono garage sale, things were dismal enough in the wardrobe department for "The Shockmaster." Things just got worse when whatever genius in charge of costuming decided to plunk a Star Wars Storm Trooper helmet on top of Ottman's head. Think it can't get any worse? Think again! The helmet that was supposed to cover his entire head and conceal the former Tugboat's identity was then spray painted with more silver glitter than a sixth grade girl's art project.
Ottman didn't even have the dignity of being able to use his own voice to give life to The Shockmaster. Instead, Ole Anderson pre-recorded the Shockmaster's threats to Sid and Harlem Heat. Ole's vocals were distorted through a processor to sound like a cut-rate Darth Vader in a poor attempt at striking fear into the hearts of his opponents.
As if this wasn't already on track to become the worst gimmick in all of wrestling history, the fateful segment filmed and televised live would certainly seal the deal.
As Sting announced his mystery partner who would "shock the world," a loud crash of a smokebomb was heard and The Shockmaster was supposed to crash through a fake brick wall on the set, emerging as a terrifying force to be reckoned with.
Well, they got it half right. The Shockmaster did shock the world alright. He just did it with laughter and not fear.
The lower part of the wall that was supposed to break away did not and although Ottman kept walking, the wall did not cooperate, tripping him, sending him flying to the ground and his awful, glittery abomination of a mask landing in an entirely different direction. As the Shockmaster scrambled to get to his feet, trying to grab his helmet fast enough to conceal his identity to no avail, the rest of the wrestlers on the set had a hard time keeping a straight face. Harlem Heat and Sid were noticeably snickering and in the moments that the camera was on a frantic Ottman/Shockmaster, you could hear Ric Flair give one of his patented "Oh, God"s and the British Bulldog howling with laughter.
I hadn't had the privilege (or misfortune) of seeing this in first-run, but thanks to the magic of YouTube, this beauty is preserved for posterity.
Nevertheless, while this segment is legendary for its unintentionally hilarious content gone wrong, I can't help but feel bad for Fred Ottman, the man behind the disco ball-like mask. Even without the stumbling, the Shockmaster probably never would have caught on, no matter how much Sting pimped him to the crowd. This accidental botch led to The Powers That Be retooling the Shockmaster into a clumsy, klutzy oaf character before finally exiting WCW.
Yeah, we all know "it's fake," but at times like those mentioned, you can't help but feel really bad for some of these men and women when they miss a spot, trip on their way into the ring, or have the camera capture an unflattering, unscripted moment. But hey, if we can laugh at them, hopefully they can too.
Copyright © 2005; TheWrestlingVoice.com & Douglas Nunnally.
All Rights Reserved.
Disclaimer & Privacy Statement
| What Did You Think About WWE Backlash 2008? |
|
|