Normally, I always begin my columns with a welcome to Kay's Korner. I really don't feel the need to do that with this column because Kay's Korner doesn't feel very welcoming right now. The emotions are complicated and the disbelief is overwhelming. The urge to cry, scream, and kick are very real. Chris Benoit, one of my all time favorite wrestlers of all time, is dead along with his wife, Nancy and their son, Daniel.
I honestly don't know how to feel right now. Nothing is making any sense to me and I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one who feels that way right now. There are so many things wrong with that statement that it really and truly does scare me. I've never felt anything like this in my entire life, and God help me, I honestly don't want to feel this way ever again. I feel like I'm drowning in an endless sea of emotions that are swirling around so much that they are making my head spin and my stomach lurch.
I've watched Chris Benoit performing in the ring for as long as I can remember. From his ECW days to his Horsemen days to the present, he has always had such an amazing presence in the ring that it was hard not to notice him. (I'm still numbly trying to fathom the thought that I will never, ever, see him wrestle again.) The manner in which he and his family has died is just so terribly horrific; it is really and truly beyond words. It's one of the reasons that I decided to write a column on Chris Benoit.
The whole thing unraveled like a nightmare on a stormy night in the middle of nowhere. I was on my way back home from a trip to New York with my buddy Jenn. I was taping Raw at home and couldn't reach my mom in order to let her know that I was back home. I decided to call my Dad on his cell phone. We talked for a few minutes and he told me that he would let my mom know that I called. A few minutes later, the phone rang again.
Surprisingly, my dad was on the other line. The first thing that dad asked me was if I was home yet. He then asked me if I was driving. As the thoughts pondered thru my mind, I assured my dad that I wasn't driving and asked him what was wrong. I heard the news about Chris Benoit and his family on a cell phone while sitting at a gas station getting gas from my dad who was sitting in a hotel room watching it with horror in his voice.
I remember my mind racing and after dad calmed me down as best he could, I immediately called my best friend Tammy. USA was not working in her cable area therefore, she didn't have a clue to what had happened. She tried to get online and finally made it www.wwe.com. From that moment on, the rest is a blur because my mind was racing with questions that didn't have answers and I wasn't really sure what to think or feel. I still don't know how I should feel right now.
When I finally got around to watching Raw after the long ride home, I just couldn't bear to watch it. My mind was going back in time to August 2000 in Raleigh, NC where I met Chris Benoit at a Meet & Greet Session with the WWE. He was the one that I had been most excited about meeting that day. He was so polite and curtious. I have a picture of us standing there after I had asked him two questions. The first question was if I could ask him a personal question and the second question was how is your son doing, who at that time, had just been born. His face lit up like the Fourth of July and he seemed so much younger with that particular smile on his face. His eyes sparkled as he said he was fine and thanked me for asking. Asking about his son seemed to put him at ease and we chatted for a few more minutes before moving on to meeting other superstars.
To sit here and try to sum up all the different emotions, at this point, is futile and useless. I don't think I have ever felt so many different emotions in my life. The boundary of the emotions is just so vast and wide. If it's like this for me, I can only imagine what it is like for the people who knew and loved Chris Benoit. Make no doubt about it, regardless of the tragic incident that has occurred over the past weekend, Chris Benoit was loved by many, the least of which, was his family and his friends.
It's hard to sit back and watch what the media is doing with this tragedy. Professional wrestling is under the microscope now, and it's really not in the way that the powers-that-be would like for it to be. The automatic condemnation and smarky verbal assaults are uncalled for and highly unnecessary. The critics are ranting and raving about things that they don't have a single clue about. They are screaming at professional wrestling for 'allowing' this to happen. You tell me, did you see this coming at all? Could you have imagined this ever happening? No, I'm sure you didn't, and I'm sure that the people who loved Chris Benoit the most, didn't see anything out of the ordinary either.
I don't agree with how all the media is now turning this into a witchhunt on professional wrestling. Are there steriods in professional wrestling? Yes there is, but it does not mean that every single wrestler is doing them. Is there a darkside to wrestling? You bet your ass there is. The vices are plentiful and only the strong survive a career in professional wrestling. I just honestly wish at this moment that Chris Benoit was a survivor. Unfortunately, he is not and we are all left with aching questions and broken hearts.
The whole 'Mr. McMahon' dying was done for ratings, and while I personally felt it should have been dropped when Sherri Martel died, the fact that they did drop it, was respectful and commendable. At the time, the WWE didn't have any idea what events had transpired at the Benoit household over the weekend. All they knew, all that any of them knew at that time, was that one of the most admired and respected wrestlers in the history of this sport was found dead at home with his wife and his child. The circumstances were incredibly horrific and I absolutely stand by the WWE in the fact that they chose to honor Chris Benoit's career. I also agree with the canceling of the show due to the unknown circumstances. But I absolutely do not agree with their current stand back approach and distancing themselves as much as possible. I understand it strictly from a business stand point but I don't agree with it at all. One of the sports best wrestlers of all time is dead, and regardless of the circumstances, we should feel like we can mourn him.
The one thing that bothers is me that we are supposed to automatically forget the man that we met and the wrestler that we watched, week after week, match after match, pouring his heart and soul into his work. We are supposed to be angry and turning our backs on what we love and believe in. We are supposed to shake our fists and condemn the WWE for the Chris Benoit tribute show. We are also to applaude the WWE for taking his bio and pictures down, other than what is used to release the information as it unfolds.
This is the one thing that I absolutely 100% refuse to do.
I do not pretend to know what happened this past weekend at the Benoit household. I doubt very seriously that any of us will ever really know what happened for sure. Therefore, I have decided to remember the Chris Benoit who captured my heart and my respect (as a wrestling fan) thru his amazing skill in the ring and his incredible heart that shined in every match.
I don't understand what happened. I don't pretend to. I'm not ignoring the facts but the fact of the matter is that this has shocked the entire wrestling community right down to its core. Nobody at work saw this coming other than the reported text messages that was sent. Nobody has ever imagined that Chris Benoit is capable of the things that he has been accused of. Nobody could have predicted that this was how the summer of 2007 was going to begin; so surreal, that you just can't believe what you are seeing and hearing.
Therefore, I have decided to continue to admire the ringwork that Chris Benoit poured his heart and soul into. I have decided to remember all those wonderful live performances that I was privileged enough to see. I have decided that I will remember Chris Benoit as a professional wrestler who loved professional wrestling. I have decided that no matter what comes out in the weeks ahead, I will not judge the situation because we will never really fully know the truth. I have decided that I would rather remember the Chris Benoit that I knew from watching him perform week after week on the television than the stranger that I am hearing about now.
My heart and prayers go out to the Benoit family. May God bring them the peace and comfort that they need and may we all remember that life is too short. Mistakes are made and while they can't be taken back, they can be learned from. Let's hope that this tragedy brings us all closer together in the wrestling family rather than draw the lines that could very well tear us apart. There's enough pain right now to last everybody a lifetime.
That's all for this edition of Kay's Korner. Thank you for stopping by and I hope my words have brought some sort of comfort to you. It sure did bring some to me.
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