Hello everyone and welcome to a special October edition of Pulp Wrestling. With you as always for this voyage into the vast benevolent world of pro-wrestling related banter is the one and only Julius. Did I tell you it’s only two days until my 21st birthday? I didn’t. Well, now you know. No presents will be necessary of course; it’s a gift in and of itself that you are willing to take the time out of your lives to read these humble words that I hammer out into column form every so often. I truly do appreciate that minor sacrifice you all make for me. Now before we start sucking each other’s cocks too much 'here, let’s get this show on the road shall we?






A few short hours ago I returned home from my Cleveland trip to see Ring of Honor, for the very first time no less. Needless to say, I had an awesome time at the event, and the entire weekend surrounding it. I would say more, but I’ve got another column hot on the heels of this one that will be posted very soon about that whole odyssey. So, if you’re a fan of road reports, stay tuned for that in the coming days. It should be a very fun read.

I’ve got to say, last week I turned off Raw about halfway through in utter disgust. I can’t remember the segment, but something happened involving cheesy western music, a male stripper and Jonathon Coachman on that show that just made me question why it is I watch any wrestling in the first place. I went to bed in deep despair despondent over the sham I had just witnessed, and then woke up to read that I’d missed a great match between John Cena and Edge. That’s what I get for not giving Raw a chance. It’s a lesson I should’ve learned long ago, but sometimes, like everyone, Jules makes mistakes.

Still not caring that much, the next day I tuned into ECW. It was a decent show and it got me somewhat back into the swing of things. Thanks ECW. However, for the past two nights I’ve watched alongside a great little ROH show, a ton of old Nitro’s and WCW PPV’s as well as those WWE tapes I mentioned a column or two ago. I know I’ve said it before, but if you’re seriously burnt out on wrestling, sometimes a break from it can be helpful; however, even more helpful at times can be just getting back to your roots. Go and watch the stuff that got you into wrestling in the first place, or just cut back on the amount of it you watch and tune into the shows that you find consistently entertaining, or shows like ECW that only last an hour and therefore don’t drain you as much as Raw or Smackdown. It can make a difference. From now on I’ll do my best to ignore the stuff that entertaineth me not, and stay tuned for the stuff that will bringeth forth pleasure to my eyes,

It’s like a weird, dysfunctional, and mostly one sided relationship with an extremely deranged and possessive spouse that wants all of your money, time and thoughts, and then still only puts out when he/she feels like it. The difference being with wrestling, at the very least you CAN re-live all your old romps with the magic of DVD’s and old VHS tapes and also, I’ve never heard of anyone getting knocked up and then stuck with an unwanted love child because they watched some crappy wrestling. Consider that your helpful advice from me today. Remember to wrap your whacker before you attack her, kiddies.

Well there's not much else to cover in this section today, so without any further wrestling related topics to idly comment on, let’s keep the show moving, lest we get stuck in traffic, again. So now, on with the column at hand….











For some men, power is something they’re born with. To others it is a goal that takes a lifetime to achieve. Some never have the visceral qualities it takes to attain it in the first place. James ‘E’ Cornette is not one of those people. Jim Cornette was born to a modest home. He grew up like many young boys of his era watching professional wrestling. However, something in his brain was always just a tad askew. He was not content to simply watch idly while his favorite performers entertained him, he needed something more. He yearned for control. Let’s all just take a brief moment now to thank the good Lord for making Mr. Cornette a wrestling fan instead of a politician, lest we all might have one day been carrying tennis rackets and reciting the pledge of allegiance in a dry high pitched southern drawl.

While growing up young James became enamored with the spectacle of wrestling. So enamored did he become with it in fact that he once climbed upon the roof of his house to set up an especially elongated antenna just so he could pick up more channels with wrestling on them. Though it has never been verified (or denied) it is speculated that he was struck by a bolt of lightning whilst performing this endeavor. So powerful was the jolt from the electricity that it mixed thousands and thousands of hours of wrestling programming from the antenna into his head all at once, giving him the especially evil managerial powers that would benefit him later in life. He didn’t notice them right away of course. As with all evil powers this one took a while to set in. And for the time being the only new power he realized was the ability to pick up his favorite wrestling programs on his television with a clarity and reception unlike anything that would be seen for another quarter century with the advent of high definition TV.

And so life went on as normal for the abnormally gifted young man. Finally though, his obsession with wrestling grew beyond the confines of his own living room. From this point on he began attending live shows and worked his way into the network of kayfabe wrestling writers. He would moonlight for some modestly well known publications of the day. In this sense he was a part of a very early form of the I.W.C. The young man impressed many with his passion and vigor for the sport of kings, and low and behold he one day found himself under the tutelage of legendary wrestling promoter Jerry Jarrett. Jarrett, who would later spawn a power hungry mongrel of his own saw something incredibly unique in the young Cornette. So with that, young Jimmy got to become a part time ring announcer for Jarrett’s promotion. It is around this time that the otherwise likable young chap finally started feeling the first effects of his evil infestation. His personality began to mold and his wit and penchant for the darker side of pro-wrestling grew more and more with each passing day.

Finally tiring of his run as a mediocre ring announcer and ringside correspondent, he for the first time decided to make his mark in the world of professional wrestling. The only thing impeding his quest for pro-wrestling dominance though was the simple fact that he simply wasn’t all that blessed, athletically speaking. He was a midget in a world of colossal giants, and if he were to attempt to take over this world of wrestling on his own, his quest would probably have lasted all of about thirty seconds. No sir, it was certain. If this plan was to have any chance of success then young Jimmy would have to enlist the help of others. It was with this in mind that he began his dark journey to become the world’s foremost wrestling manager. At first it must have seemed like a mistake.

Seeing as the first few clients who employed the young Cornette all fired him often times after only one match. Such was his ineptitude early on that wrestlers must have went out of their way to avoid his services. He was cursed with the proverbial ‘touch of death’. One of the dark perks of this early period though, was the fact that he got to pick the brain (and presumably various other body parts) of fellow evil entrepreneur, Sherri Martel. Still, it seemed as though Jim Cornette was not quite yet ready to be worthy of his now infamous middle initial. The original ‘Big Evil’ would simply have to dog it out a few more years. But rest assured, around every corner lays the promise of opportunity, and Mr. Cornette was not about to let his slip through the racket’s net.

So dog it out he did, over the course of several years perfecting his managerial craft through trial and error under the watchful eye of that era’s big territorial bosses like Fritz Von Erich, and Bill Watts. During this time slowly but surely one could visibly the see the beginnings of an evil genius at work. It was around this time in the early 1980’s that Mr. Cornette came up with what many consider to be his greatest creation.

From the dark nefarious pits of his tortured subconscious, he concocted a tag team twosome, that would go on to become one of the undeniable greats of all time, and thus cementing his own legacy and making his quest for pro wrestling domination seem for a time at least, within reach. The team I speak of, of course, is the Midnight Express. While the group had existed in previous incarnations, and would undergo many changes in the coming years in regards to membership, no one could deny the true yin to their yang was always the diabolical mastermind, James E. Cornette. Try as they might though, the Midnight Express never were quite able to fully finalize Jim Cornette’s vision of complete and utter pro-wrestling supremacy.

This was in no way to be seen as a blemish against them though, as at this time there were many powerful forces at play competing against them for this goal. Such teams as the Road Warriors, the Rock and Roll Express, the Free Birds, and the Fantastics, all at one time or another challenged them for this goal, and all for a short time, succeeded. It was a good effort though, and for an evil genius making his first play for a pro-wrestling power seize, it worked pretty admirably. Sadly, even the best of ideas all someday run their course over time, and no matter how much they tried to shine them up in later years, there’s no way the WWE’s turd-tastic tandem of Bob Holly and Bart Gunn, could ever or would ever hold a candle up to their legendary predecessors such as Bobby Eaton, Dennis Condrey, and Stan Lane.


After this initial time period of success came to an end, Jim Cornette went through a transitional period. It was also during this time that the wrestling business itself underwent drastic changes, in the process ending the long dominant system of territorial doctrines and establishing both of the promotions that would go on to shape the face of professional wrestling in the coming decade. The first organization in question was World Championship Wrestling, which grew from the embryo of the National Wrestling Alliance. It was here Cornette would demonstrate his ability to fight off other even eviler (Microsoft says that’s a word and considering who runs that company, I'm not going to debate it with them.) entity’s such as Eric Bishoff, and numerous other top officials in this promotion. After he had his fill of that brand of corporate bullshit though, he concluded that it was time to pack up and get the hell out of Dodge. So, after pissing off most of the company’s top executives, and turning down a wad of cash, he simply went home, clutched a hamburger in his hands and chewed his sorrows away. The dye was cast, the wrestling business he once dreamed of dominating, had now changed irrevocably.


Never being one to accept any change without a fight Mr. Cornette decided that his time had finally come to enter into a different aspect of the business. In the wake of the crumbling territorial system, he decided he would start up his own, bah gawd, territory: Smokey Mountain Wrestling. Based out of Tennessee, it would be built around solid technical wrestlers, many of whom would go on to become some of the top superstars of the coming boom period in Sports Entertainment. As with many other geniuses though, Mr. Cornette found himself with an idea a few years ahead of it’s time, and despite doing decent business for a couple of years, Smokey Mountain Wrestling was just not meant to be. And so with tennis rackets set at half mass, it ceased operations, leaving James E. Cornette, tired, despondent, confused, and for the first time in his life... at a loss for words.

It would appear that drastic times, would indeed call for drastic measures.It was with this in mind that Jim Cornette struck a deal with a man who already achieved Cornette's vision, and was arguably at leas ten million times more evil than he or anyone else could ever dream of becoming: Vincent Kennedy McMahon. So, he signed with the World Wrestling Federation exclusively and began managing talent there. During this time period he made several more grabs for power including the short lived aforementioned Midnight Express reunion. But really, the less said about that the better. One of the first things he did though was to align himself with Mr. Fuji, as the ‘American Spokesperson’ for the monstrous Yokozuna. To the uneducated eye it would appear that he had finally achieved his ultimate goal, however, during this time he was at best, playing second fiddle to Fuji; a man that no one in their right mind ever thought of crossing.

His greatest protégé’ after this time was undoubtedly Vader. Vader like him had come to the WWF from down south, and perhaps because of this they made natural allies. Together with this behemoth mastodon, Cornette made several vies for the pinnacle of WWF power, that being the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Title. Try as he did though; even with the mammoth monster in his corner he was unable to achieve this goal. However at this time he did manage to have great success with two other talents, that being the British Bulldog and Owen Hart.

With Cornette at the helm this team went on to cement themselves as one of the most dominant teams in WWF history. Once again Cornette enjoyed great success as the man behind a great tag team. However, deep within his soul, he longed for something much grander. It was during this phase of his career that Cornette would first clash with a man so evil, that evil is almost a compliment when directed towards him. His name was also Vince, but to protect him from those who might wish to harm him after reading this, for this column we'll just refer to him as 'V. Russo'. Cornette like General George S. Patton decades before him was always a very straight laced and opinionated person you see. He voiced his opinions several times very loudly, and even once was given a public forum to do so. However, once word got out of the controversial things being spewed from Cornette’s mouth, a stop was quickly put to this by 'V. Russo' and his cronies. After this Cornette would go on to manage a farcical parody of the promotion he once proudly worked for. He, along with Jeff Jarrett, and a cast of other buffoons went on to make a mockery of the once powerful North American wrestling promotion known as the National Wrestling Alliance.

This abortion of an idea was allegedly concocted by none other than one Mr. V. Russo himself. It would not be the only horrifically awful, and shocking idea he or his cronies would come up with in the coming years though. And after a few years of putting up with his crass and disrespectful bullshit, Cornette, and the entire World Wrestling Federation, breathed a collective sigh of relief, when this awful tyrant packed up his wares and headed for the greener pastures of WCW. Not that they would be green for long however. Soon they would be blood red, as the company began hemorrhaging money out of every conceivable orifice until they were finally bled dead and dry. And now, once again, it was time for Cornette to make a change. His multiple attempts to seize power in various stages of his career, had been derailed, detained, de-fanged and left him feeling broke, busted and disgusted. Perhaps there was truly, just too much evil in the world for one man to possibly control it all, or perhaps his era had simply passed him by. So he turned once again, to the only thing that ever truly understood him completely, the hamburger.

On a dark stormy night in Louisville, a half drunk man sat hunkered down in a small café eating some all American beef burgers. Then, for the first time in ages, a maniacal laugh emanated from his lungs. For years he had tried to take over the wrestling world by brute force, with competitors of various skill level, and he’d also attempted to work within the system, behind the scenes, and once he’d even tried to start his own promotion, but none of his attempts had ever given him full satisfaction. But this idea was different. No longer would Mr. Cornette attempt to take over the wrestling business by building himself up, instead, now he would attempt to undermine it at its very core.

It’s a simple theory, that’s been in existence since the dawn of man. Destruct and then rebuild in your own image the thing which you aspire to control. So with a little hard work, and some monetary assistance, Ohio Valley Wrestling was created. They would soon go on to become the talent pool for the biggest wrestling entity in the world, the WWE. Cornette could groom talent to his own specifications, he didn’t even need to purposely under train his men, as the desperate promotion he was supplying was more than willing to accept trainees whose skill level was far far, less than what would normally be required to work in a top tier promotion. And so it began, for the next few years his OVW creations would slowly overtake the WWE. Men and women all who learned their craft at Camp Cornette, and would swear loyalty to him to the death. It was, a perfect plan. And a plan that he was more than happy, to abandon.

Abandon? Yes, abandon. If this still doesn’t make sense yet, then you obviously are not looking at the full picture yet. Cornette had already succeeded light years beyond what his wildest dreams could ever have been. He now had the WWE by the balls, with a grip so gentle, they’d have no idea he had them until the time came to apply the final squeeze. He would not simply walk away quietly though, as you have probably imagined by now, such actions were nowhere near his style. Instead, he waited, and found an opportunity to leave in a puff of glory. It was the OVW debut of WWE hopeful Marty Wright, A.K.A The Boogeyman.

During his match in which he was supposed to be the scary heel, one of his opponents instead of fleeing in horror, decided to mock him publicly. After the show, in true George Patton like fervor Cornette found this foolish young pupil and slapped him, forwards, backwards, backwards, forwards, and sideways, until his face was black and red all over not that unlike one of the hamburgers that Cornette regulrarly consumes. Once word of this incident got out, it was decided that a man so volatile was not needed on the WWE payroll, so the two entities parted formally, with Mr. Cornette graciously allowing (or so they were lead to believe) WWE to use his OVW facilities to groom talent for the future of the business.


Now that part one of his ultimate plan of world domination was completed, it was time to move on to part duex. At that time he got in touch with the operator of the third biggest wrestling promotion in the United States, Ring of Honor. (Second biggest in terms of companies actually making money) After some politicking and a little late night carousing he was given the position of on air commissioner. As his first order of business there though, before he would move onto the third and final part of his sinister plan, he had one small little thing to clean up.

For years he had seen the epidemic of hardcore gutter wrestling as a blemish on the good name of the sport he loved so dearly. So, armed with the vast array of talent supplied to him by his newfound promotion, he decided to wage war against these scoundrels in the form of Combat Zone Wrestling. The war went on for many months, and there were plenty of casualties and back and forth debates, of which Cornette absolutely owned the competition in. In the end, when the dust settled on this war of American indy feds, the winner was not clear.. Yet Cornette had achieved his goal, at least partially in weakening the enemy. As today ROH remains a beacon of great wrestling action, while CZW has been sent into the dark abyss of shitty show, after shitty show after shitty show.

Now with one war settled, it was finally time to move on to the final and most important phase in Cornette’s plot of total wrestling domination. For weeks speculation was rampant on message boards and in the TNA lockeroom as to who the next director of authority might be. Finally though, it was revealed to the masses, much to the chagrin of one Jeff Jarrett that the new DOA was none other than James E. Cornette himself.

So now, over thirty years after he sat out upon his journey, he has finally reached the crescendo point. He has managed to weasel into a position of authority, in all three of the major wrestling promotions currently operating in the United States, and in the process driven a fourth to the brink of oblivion. At any moment now he could play his proverbial trump card and have the entire wrestling universe at his knees. Why hasn’t he you ask? Well, who can say? Perhaps he’s just too busy enjoying the ability to be able to rest, and reap the benefits of a lifetime’s worth of toiling in a business that breaks so many, but was unable to even bend him slightly. With recent reports of one 'V. Russo' returning to the fold not too long from now, the time may be imminent indeed…

Look not to the east, or west, or to the north, but soon, very soon, the southern skyline just may be parted, and all forms of hell will be unleashed upon the wrestling landscape. And the only ones that shall be raptured out of this racket toting madman’s path of destruction, will be those who heed the call, and wise up while there’s still time. Hopefully you will take these words as the dire warning I have intended them to be, and will use them to make a change in your life. For if you do not, damnation of a most torturous kind shall surely befall you. I'm talking a proverbial salad bar of destruction here people. An all you can eat buffett of death and booze, and then, probably some more, booze, and another small trinkle of deah. What was I talking about again?

Anyway, to conclude this little journey into the world of Jim Cornette I now present you this classic video that shows why it is, never, ever, a good idea to f*** with the man with the racket. It’s an FLV file so you will need this software to play it. Fear not, it’s a fast download.

Enter Your E-Mail Address Above

Subscribe | Unsubscribe

Web TheWrestlingVoice.com

Copyright © 2005; TheWrestlingVoice.com & Douglas Nunnally.
All Rights Reserved.
Disclaimer & Privacy Statement