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Pulp Wrestling - You Can't Always Get What You Want
Posted by Jules McPherson on 09/01/2006

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Hello everyone and welcome to the comeback edition of Pulp Wrestling. I am your resident King of Mt Columnus, Sir Julius and it is with much joy and anticipation that I have finally decided to end my royal vacation which consisted of millions of gigs of Internet Porn and Frito Lays and get back down here to my home away from home, the good ol’ TWV Columns Section. Of course, before we can continue any further I’ve got a simple question to ask of you all.

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Nice segue eh?

I recently acquired a TON of wrestling tapes. They are mostly taped Raw and Smackdown events from about 1999 to 2002. I have now approximately about 150 tapes, and maybe as many as 300 shows on them in total, including PPVs. To say it has been a good week for the Julester here would be an understatement. After I’ve finished labeling and watching all these tapes, sometime in the future I may have to arrange some kind of contests for all you loyal readers. Not sure what it would be yet, but the winner of said contest would receive the bulk of my wrestling collection: A virtual treasure trove of the last golden age of WWE programming. I’ll keep you all posted as more details become available.

I would like to send out some big props right now to both Edge and Christian who’s heel mic work recently have both been awesome. Aside from a few mild exceptions I’ve been enjoying their work for the last few weeks here outstandingly. And now, to celebrate, I will let my fingers take a five second pose. (flips off computer screen). Ah, that’s better. Damn viruses.

I’m currently in the process of putting together another one of my famous ‘Best Month Ever’ columns for the month of August. For those of you unfamiliar with this series, it’s basically a recap of the best and worst people and events of the last month as presented by myself and four or five other panelists. All those interested in taking part in this endeavor feel free to contact me after the column.

The only other thing I have to say now is that it’s good to be back. I missed you all. Even if you didn’t miss me, I still missed you all the same. Now on with the column!


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Today’s topic is one that I’ve been wanting to write about for quite some time. I feel it is a topic of extreme importance. It has to do with censorship. No I’m not talking about television networks censoring programming; I’m talking about the censorship perpetrated by World Wrestling Entertainment, on its own fans no less. The stifling of opinions and sometimes out and out changing of them through post show editing is something that’s always bothered me. One of the concepts the country I live in was founded upon was the right to free speech. And it appalls me to no end to see any organization whether it be a political party, social reformists, or of all things a wrestling company try and suppress it.


It’s a plague that I believe in the end has done a lot to kill off some of the overall interest in wrestling. I’m not a ratings cruncher so I can’t pull out stat sheets to support that claim. I can only say that for me personally I’ve found myself far less interested in attending a WWE live event since the sudden shift to chant censorship, sign confiscation and general lack of free speech promotion began. Most people I know go to wrestling events to have a good time and cheer or boo who they want. When you take away that right, it also takes away a lot of the incentive to see live wrestling.

This is by no means a new development though. It’s not even a new trend for WWE. Long time wrestling fans reading this now can probably still vividly remember the video editing incident that occurred in the release of the 1992 Royal Rumble which featured the unheard of (at that time) booing of Hulk Hogan. So instead of leaving it the way it was, WWE production teams changed the crowd noise entirely so that no negative reactions were ever heard in relation with their golden boy. It was bullshit then, and it’s still bullshit now, but at the time I was still too young to notice and/or care.

Now before I get too far gone with the coming argument, I’m sure we’ve all heard the following famous quotation many times before, from our parents, teachers, Mick Jagger and lots of other people in our lives from time to time. It goes ‘You can’t always get what you want.’

Screw that. Why can’t I? Haven’t you ever heard the expression that states “the customer” is always right? In this case of course the customer would be us wrestling fans. We are the customers because we are the ones who supply WWE and numerous other wrestling companies with all of their money. Without us, they would not be. Without them, we would just be in need of another favorite TV show. I’d say the odds are stacked in our favor here.

Now there exists the argument that WWE should have the inalienable right to edit their product in any way they see fit. I cannot dispute this. It’s their product, their DVDs and their TV shows. They do have the right to put whatever they want on the air at anytime they want, provided they aren’t in violation of any indecency laws. Of course they have the right to, the question here is not one of ‘rights’ but of ‘morals’. While writing this column here I have the right to say pretty much whatever I want, whether you agree or disagree is entirely up to you. In my time writing I’ve read plenty of columns that I strongly disagreed with, in both logic and principle. Sometimes I might have argued my points with the author, but never would I think of telling said person he doesn’t have the right to express his viewpoint here on the free public forum provided to us by the I.W.C. To do so would be to deny him or her of their basic human right to be heard.

Of course, a WWE arena is by no means a free public forum where everyone gets their own time on the soap box to bellow out their personal thoughts on the product. But it is still a place where fans of wrestling should feel free to go and voice their opinions of what’s being presented before them. If said fans feel that the entertainment they are being presented with sucks, it is their God given right to boo it as vociferously as they see fit. Now, after the fact if someone were to go back and edit their reaction to the show to make it appear that they were less hostile than they really were, then that person would be committing at the very least an act of dishonesty, and if my time in Sunday School taught me anything it’s that dishonesty is an immoral act, no matter what form it takes to the contrary.

Alright, I can hear the snickering already as I type. Julesy boy, surely you would never think to accuse a wrestling company that has promoted violence against women, necrophilia, and to some extent substance abuse angles in the past of being immoral would you? Yes I would, but not for those reasons. I have no problem with WWE running any type of storyline they want, no matter how offensive or disturbing it may be to me or others. As I said before, it’s WWE’s right to produce whatever kind of television show they want, just as it is my right to think what I want of said programming.

The WWE is no more immoral in its content than any popular television drama such as The Sopranos, Rescue Me or The Shield. All of those shows deal with touchy real life issues with varied degrees of success. Recently ‘The Sopranos’ caught some flack for their portrayal of a gay character on the last season of their show. The majority’s consensus was that the portrayal of this character was not up to the normal standards of quality writing that show established in its previously stellar five year run. Now personally, I found the character interesting to a mild degree and even somewhat humorous. But, others didn’t and they let their voices be heard in all possible venues.

There are of course though, vast differences between shows like that and professional wrestling. Wrestling’s success besides ratings is critically determined in most cases by the reactions of the live audience in attendance. Regular television shows and major movies critical successes are determined by magazine and TV Guide writers. So to those of you in favor of this censorship, I ask you this: Would it be okay for a major Hollywood studio to falsify what the critics wrote or said in their advertising for their upcoming television show or movie? I know it probably already happens in some cases, but still, it does not make it any less wrong.

That’s not to say that WWE shouldn’t have the right to a little hyperbole every now and then. It’s still wrestling after all, and without some exaggeration or out and out falsification this business would probably be nowhere near as successful as it is today. A good example of such marketing would be the famed promoting of Andre The Giant by both Vince McMahon and other wrestling savants of his era. Andre was billed as being 7 foot 4 inches tall, when in fact he was at his peak only about 6ft 10. He was even barred from taking photographs with people of equal or greater height than him and when being interviewed often times he would be made to stand on top of a crate to make the reporter beside him appear to be a much smaller specimen than he actually was. This technique apparently worked, as I only recently discovered this information years after the fact. I was successfully ‘worked’ by both WWE and Andre, and I have absolutely no qualms about it at all.

I also don’t mind at all whenever wrestling promotions use those time tested clichés such as ‘This is the most important event in the history of events’. Even if the show in question turns out to be in fact far less than what it was previously pumped up to be. At the very least I’ve learned a valuable lesson about trusting information fed to me by a wrestling commentator or personality. It’s the job of any promoter to make money, and as I stated earlier, the money is originally of course in the possession of us, the fans. Therefore it is the same wrestling promoter’s job to use whatever means available within his marketing ability to incite us to buy tickets to his event, or DVDs of it after the fact. If the promoter makes the mistake of getting our hopes up one too many times without delivering, eventually his business will fail. Don’t believe me? Just ask Vince Russo. What I’m saying in the end is, wrestling companies and movie companies can lie to me as much as they please, just as long as they don’t make me a part of their lie. When you do that it is basically putting words in other people’s mouth, and most people in the end, do not appreciate that kind of stuff.

To slightly change course here for a little while, there is another aspect of WWE imposing their will on its fans that I’d like to address. In the last year the Internet has given birth to a whole new phenomena known as Youtube. On this site people are allowed to upload videos onto a web based player for the entire world to view. Recently WWE officials have begun cracking down on any and all WWE related material posted on the site. The reason given for this is copyright infringement. However the motivation I’d presume is purely money related. I may be in the minority here, but I still fail to see how WWE doesn’t realize the potential for massive free advertising and promotion through this site.

Apparently they think that people who view any WWE material on this site are less likely to then in turn buy the same material should they decide to release it on DVD. This is simply not the case. Youtube videos are small and choppy, plus you can only view them on a computer screen. WWE DVDs are normally of pristine quality, well worth the hefty prices they often charge for them. If anything by putting out a sample of the product onto this site they would only increase the desire of fans to then go out and buy the DVD containing said material. Often times the pride of owning something on DVD is enough to warrant the purchase of it in the first place.

Basically, my argument here seems to stand solely on the grounds of fan’s rights. That may lead some to think I’m in favor of letting people do or say whatever they want at an event, damn the consequences. This is not true. Sometimes it is a necessary evil to edit or distort crowd chants or signs. If the chants or signs in question contain vulgar or obscene content then it is the responsibility of those in charge to see that it doesn’t get exposed on live TV, lest WWE lose their television deals plus what little ad revenue they have left. Likewise, while I do enjoy the occasional creative crowd chant there are people who take it way too far. In a recent example ECW fans chanted, ‘Change the Channel’ during a main event TV match. These fans were obviously hostile to the performers in the ring and would have probably reacted negatively to it no matter how good it had turned out to be. I’m not saying they shouldn’t have the right to feel that way personally, just that they are close minded jackasses for having such an opinion in the first place.

I also do not condone in any way fans hurling blunt items at wrestlers. Last time I checked, that constitutes assault and is a prosecutable offense in most places. Wrestling fans are in the end, no different from any other segment of society. There will be good ones, bad ones, smart ones, and dumb ones. But I do not think that fact alone means that the ‘bad/dumb’ ones should be able to ruin the fun for all the rest of us. Wrestling for years now has been billed as ‘Sports Entertainment’. In sports, fans are clearly divided in many ways, whether it is by location of a local team, or an attachment to a certain personality. Does Major League Baseball in turn edit the reaction the New York Yankees get when they play in Boston? Of course they don’t. To do so would take away from the overall atmosphere of the game and the fun of watching it live.

Part of the fun of attending any live event is being able to voice your opinion. Rivalries are often built upon the reactions certain teams get in certain cities. Why should it not be the same in wrestling? I wouldn’t expect wrestling fans to be gullible enough to cheer or boo someone based solely on where they’re from geographically of course. But in wrestling, there still exists the possibility of crowds being decidedly different in tastes or reactions depending on where you’re at. These varying reactions should be used by promotions to showcase the wide range of crowds that they are willing to perform in front of rather than edited to make every crowd seem the same. Variety, as they say is the spice of life.

I recently got the chance to view some old Raw and Smackdown footage on VHS from about circa 1999 all the way up to 2002. While watching Smackdown something inexplicable occurred to me. The fans that were attending this event seemed to be genuinely excited to be there. The audience at the time appeared to be awash in energy and visually the building looked like a sea of cardboard signs and other wrestling paraphernalia. There they were: wrestling fans, enjoying themselves without the need for censorship or audible editing. The chants were not piped in and none of the signs from what I saw had to be confiscated, although looking over a number of them at the time, in today’s WWE most of them surely would’ve been. It’s a sad fact, but someone has to point it out, just in case you haven’t been paying attention, free speech is dead. Not only in our ultra sensitive politically correct ‘real’ world, but also in our nonsensical wrestling world as well.

Having had the opportunity now to watch the barrage of pre-brand split Raws and Smackdowns, I can without a doubt say that the crowd reaction and participation in the event added an undeniable element of enjoyableness to it. They can’t make up for a bad show all the time, but the ratio of shows that could be saved by a livelier crowd is probably astronomical. Sadly watching Raw, ECW, or Smackdown these days it appears that some members of the crowd just got back from a funeral procession. Even if the in ring action is of above average quality, seeing those drones there sitting on their hands is by no means a strong advertisement for a successful show. I feel with a little effort, and a little less of an emphasis on controlling what crowds do and think that all of those shows could probably be far more enjoyable than they presently are.

The issue of hypocrisy also comes to mind now, as WWE is seemingly doing the exact same thing they once openly criticized their former competition (WCW) of doing all those many moons ago. What lesson is there to be learned from all of this? It’s a fairly simple one I assure you and you’ve probably heard it before. It’s called the ‘Golden Rule’ and it states that we should treat people in the same manner as we would like to be treated ourselves. In the real world of course people aren’t always responsive to such kindness, but the least anyone can do is try. Besides, you’re bound to catch more Bees with honey than you are with vinegar indeed.

And not to toot my own horn but what could possibly be a better representative for wrestling fans now and throughout history than the Bee? We both possess the ability to sting bitterly, and are both endlessly in search of some sweet nectar, whether it be pollen or just a worthwhile wrestling show. The trick is just to lure us in and keep us happy while we’re here. I’m not asking the WWE to cater to my every whim here. Not even the majority of them. I’m just asking for them to show their fans, the people who put them where they are, a little common decency. For it is indeed true that while we can’t always get what we want, we should always be able to at least find what we need.

Of course, these are just my opinions and as always, I could be wrong.



Speaking of needs, it sure has been a long time since I got to lay any Commandments on you damned heathens. So now sit back, relax, and prepare to be condemned by a list of rules so arbitrarily impossible to live up to that even the goodliest person in all of the world would have to struggle to keep out of the fires. Anyway, here’s your Ten Commandments for this column.



I: I am The Masterpiece’s goatee. You will all fall before my awesome powah~!

II: Thou shalt not censor thy fans.

III: Thou shalt stop the damn thumbtack gimmicks already. They make Jules uncomfortable.

IV: Thou shalt not make some inane pop culture reference every 2.6 seconds Jim Ross.

V: Mike Tenay, thou art permitted to slap Don West whenever thou desires.

VI: Johnny Nitro, if thou doth not stop blocking Melina’s entrance every single Monday night, a plague unlike anything seen since biblical times shall befall your phallic member.

VII: Shannon Moore, we get it. Now wrestle.

VIII: Thou shalt not let Sabu speak anymore. Unless you’re doing it on purpose to make me laugh, in which case, keep up the good work.

IX: Mickie James, thou art hot. I just wanted to let you know that.

X: Columnists.. ahem, thou shalt post some more columns!



And finally, the eleventh and most important commandment, thou shalt be good to each other, always.




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