(Column originally written on or about 01-08-2006,)
Hello everyone and welcome to the second edition of Pulp Wrestling! I am Jules your slick, sleek and sophisticated host bringing you yet another offering of the gushy red goods. I hope you enjoy the digs. Lets not linger ourselves with waiting any longer for it is now time to dive into the pool of Pulp Wrestling!
If you were judging by the title of this column I guess some of you may be expecting a scathing retort to Vince McMahon regarding the recent release of "Da Juice" Juventud Guerrera. Thankfully for you dear readers, this column is one hundred percent certifiable Juventud free. You can thank me later. First things first I would like to thank everyone who left feedback to my big debut last week. I tried to reply to everyone and I think the general consensus was a positive one. So with that it's time to get down to the "Juicy" portion of the big red bone meat steak that is this weeks column.
Today our topic is bleeding. I thought it was an appropriate second subject considering the title of this bad boy is "Pulp Wrestling." More specifically in this column I am going to list in what my humble opinion may be the five best bleeders in the recent history of professional wrestling sans the last ten or twenty years. I am undoubtedly going to leave out a few people that would have made other writers list.
Notable greats such as "Dusty Rhodes" and "Abdullah The Butcher" but this should not be seen as a slight to any of these classic Superstars or current Indy workers. Since yours truly wasn't around during their prime and hasn't viewed enough of their work to form an opinion on the validity of their blood letting talent. No matter how grotesquely beautiful it may have been. Moreover if you should strongly disagree with any of my selections here. Then by all means feel free to go and MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN LIST!
*uses defibrillator*
Ok, pardon that outburst. I didn't think I was going to have to break out the cheese-graters and start lacerating folks just yet.... So without any further hold ups here is...
The Top Five Best Bleeders Ever!
5. Ian & Axl Rotten 
Coming in at number five with a barbwire bullet. It is a tie between the "brothers" Ian and Axl Rotten. This on again off again tag team once billed themselves as "The Bad Breed." And I shudder to think of what possible genetic combination of human beings could have spawned these two hellions from the womb. Combined they have both probably spilled enough gushy red goo in their careers to keep the international red cross in business for the next 100 years.
I have seen the many matches these two have put on in ECW and in the IWA. Most notably their infamous "Tai Pay Death Match". And at about the half way point one really begins to have to control his or her basic urge to vomit on one's self. These two men have been bludgeoning each other for the better part of a decade now. They reportedly had their "Last Match" at a recent Hardcore Homecoming event. This is wrestling though, so I suppose we will all have to wait and see about that claim.
One thing that is not in question though is that both of these guys are truly out of their ever loving minds. I have had on separate occasions at different IWA events met both Ian & Axl. The hamburger like scars on their foreheads are indeed a ghastly sight to behold. And if you were to ask them they would undoubtedly tell you that they earned every damn one of them.
And they would not be kidding, numerous thumb tacks, cheese grater's ( why anyone would ever agree to let somebody use a cheese grater on his scalp is way beyond my wildest comprehension.) and God knows what else has been raked across the foreheads of these individuals. No doubt about it. No list of hardcore bloodshedders could be complete without these two vile perps included.
4. Steve Corino
Nobody in the Wrestling business or perhaps in the entire World bled as much Steve Corino did in ECW. During his run in the year 2000 he had several grisly encounters with the likes of Tajiri, Jerry Lynn, and The American Dream himself, Dusty Rhodes. The amount of blood loss suffered by corino is truly staggering to the human mind.
There is a certain instance that comes to mind from an ECW match he had on PPV with Jerry Lynn. In this match Corino, as was the norm was wearing the proverbial crimson mask. That was no big shock, but what Jerry Lynn did next still lingers in my mind as one of the most gruesome sights I've ever witnessed. He took his hand and swiped it across Corino's bloodsoaked face and then.. using Steve Corino's own blood he finger painted the word "DIE" onto his chest... Sick...
Every morning he wakes up Steve Corino should be down on his hands and knees thanking the good Lord above in his prayers that he is still able to function normally. There were numerous times in his matches when I thought, "This is it, he's finally done it for sure... That poor bastard just ended his own career"
But he was miraculously spared on so many occasions that I am almost certain he had to have had at least a thousand or so blood transfusions performed on him backstage. For a more recent display of Steve Corino's bloody rampage of self annihilation check out some of his 'Ring Of Honor' matches with Homicide. The barb wire match they had was among the most severe I have ever seen. A big congratulations to The King Of Old School for coming in at number four with a razor edged cowbell in the top five best bleeders of all time!
3. 'The Heartbreak Kid' Shawn Michaels
For HBK it's not so much about quantity of blood loss as it is about quality. I can't think of anyone currently active in the WWE right now who has such a god given talent for 'blading' without making it look obvious. Old HBK has shown proficiency in the ancient arts of bleeding for quite some time. But it was mostly after his storied return in 2002 that he really began to turn the water works on full blast. With his amazingly brutal bouts with Triple H including but not limited to the "Three Stages Of Hell", "Last Man Standing", and "Hell In The Cell".
He has shown not only that he can blade fast but also blade well. Rest assured when Shawn Michaels bleeds it usually always serves a purpose. He's not out their to maim himself like other wrestlers have done. But rather to tell a captivating in ring saga through the use of his own internal life sustaining fluid. It has been mentioned once or twice that HBK once bladed himself with a razor while still in mid air while he was being thrown from the ring.
I don't think I will ever forget the visual of the bloody Showstopper from Survivor Series in 2003. When he was the sole surviving member for the RAW team. He bled like a stuck pig. Surely some serious medical attention was required after that night. So it is for that and for his lasting durability that earns HBK the number three spot on this list of Pulp Wrestling's greatest palpataters.
2. Cactus Jack
Just one notch shy of being the winner of this prestigious list, Cactus Jack, Mankind, Dude Love, Mick Foley or whatever alias he is going by these days was never shy about spilling out a little juicy red goo in order to please his legion of ravenous fans. He pioneered a style of wrestling that changed the face of the industry as we all know it.
He picked up where the legendary Terry Funk & Bruiser Brody left off in the 70's and added to the gore almost ten fold! Competing often in Barb-Wire matches throughout the world, He won the coveted IWA Death Match Tournament in Japan in the mid 90's when he defeated the Funker in a "No Ropes, Barbwire Exploding Ring Death Match". Just let the title of that match sink into your subconscious for a bit...
Sick yet?
If not then consider the fact that in Germany while wrestling Vader he lost the appendage that we all normally use as vessels to aid us in our general everyday hearing. Yes, he lost his f***ing ear in a match but still had the damn kahunas to finish the bout ear or no f***ing ear! Mick Foley has spilled blood literally all over the globe. He's in his own words said to have left bloodstains in country's that most people couldn't find on a map.
In his book he talked about a move he invented called the "Nestea Plunge" where he would huff and puff to increase the blood flow on his forehead and then do a back bump onto a concrete floor after taking a chair shot to the face. For nearly 20 years now Mick Foley has been compiling injuries by doing crazy stunts like that. And in the process he has forged one the biggest reputations in wrestling history. There was never a doubt in my mind when making this list that somewhere on it would surely be the Hardcore Legend, Cactus Jack!
1. Ric Flair
The image has almost become mythic. Ric Flairs golden blond locks stained in a crimson mask. From his early battles with Harley Race all the way up to his recent wars with Triple H. Nobody but nobody has bled quite like the Nature Boy has. If I were to name of all of the legendary bladejobs of Ric Flair right now this column would be about 10 miles in length. One that comes to mind right now is the instance at Wrestlemania 8. He was in a main event match for the World Heavyweight championship against Randy Savage.
It had been decreed down from on high ( by VKM) that absolutely no blood was to be shed that night. Whether it was accidental or not I do not know, but somehow someway Ric Flair once again put on a display of his bleeding prowess in front of a live Pay Per View audience and the thousands in attendance that packed the Hoosier Dome. It was rumored later that Vince was furious at old naitch that night for losing so much blood on camera. This could have been one of the events that led to Flair eventually leaving the WWE after such a short tenure with the company ( compared to his nWa run anyway)
Well that's the list.. Make sure to leave feedback telling me which people you agreed with me on and which ones you thought I was full of shit about...
Now for some people whom I was slightly tempted to Include on this list but decided against. These runners up have all in some way left a lasting contribution to Sports Entertainment by virtue of staggering amounts of blood loss,
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
The above pic says it all really. Probably one of the most famous bladejobs ever from one the greatest matches in Wrestlemania history.
Vince McMahon
^ Talk about a hands on boss, sheesh!
Eddie Guerrero
R.I.P Latino Heat, your willingness to go on after an amazing loss of blood against JBL at "Judgement Day 04" will never be forgotten by yours truly.
Tommy Dreamer
If there is another One Night Stand this year, expect this man to be among the leading contributers in the category of blood spillage.
Terry Funk
Dear god when are those crazy Funk brothers ever gonna stop maiming each other! Thanksgiving must be a real hoot at that house!
Thanks for reading. Until next time be careful with those cheesegraters! And as always any feedback on how I could improve in this column writing endevour is greatly appreciated.
Julesy.
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