(Originally written as a two part column in early January of 2006. It has now been shortened and made into the piece you see before you today.. Hope you dig it.) 
Hello there website dwellers, and Welcome to the THIRD edition of Pulp Wrestling. I will be your host for this evenings festivities as I am the one and only Julius and it is now time to dive into the bloody palpitating pool of Pulp Wrestling! Hope you brought your goggles...
First off thanks for all the positive feedback on my last column effort. I am truly proud of that piece and hope to do more of that kind of work in the future. I am fearful of being pegged in as list man though. But I guess if this column isn't taken in so warmly I will put on my whore hat and churn out as many lists as I can possibly think up.
The topic I have chosen for us all today is managers. Some say it is a lost art, and to some extent I believe they are right. However, I believe that there are a few out there who posses the skill to keep this sacred tradition alive. Now in this column I am going to separate and explain to those who may not be fully aware the different roles that managers fulfill in the wrestling business. And also the different types of managers that exist in pro wrestling and what duties they perform.
Finally I will attempt to describe why I believe that the WWE right now is in dire need of some high quality management. (both literally and figuratively) And how increasing the managerial aspect of the programming could be very beneficial for the product and for the company.
First though, let's define what a manager is and what he or she does. A manager is traditionally the person who escorts a wrestler to the ring. I guess you could consider a manager as the equivalent to a trainer or a corner-man in boxing. Now there have been many different types of people who have done this type of thing over the years.
While some may argue with me over the technicalities of what I'm about to say here, I believe that a manager is basically anyone who escorts a wrestler to the ring on any given occasion. No matter what he or she is referred to as. I'm thinking mostly here about people who are sometimes categorized as "Handlers" or "Associates". I do diffienterrate however, on the subject of Valets.
If your role is just to provide eye candy to a largely male audience then that's pretty much all that is usually expected. Although not all female escorts are to be considered as soley your garden variety "tits and ass" valets. It has been shown in the past that women can be effective in the role of manager. My examples for this would be the classic "Sensational" Sherry Martel and The Lovely Miss Elizabeth. Now while they were referred to as valets on camera they still served the same functions at ringside that a manager would normally. So I will lump them into this piece as well.
Types Of Managers
First off, there is the classic conniving and manipulative heel manager. Examples of this can be found in the likes of Bobby Heenan, JJ Dillon, Jim Cornette, Cyrus, Paul E Dangerously, & the classic evil personified persona of Vince McMahon. ( who was kind of the manager/leader for the Corporation back in the day.)
Supporting the case for my inclusion of Vince here I will say that the managerial character when done in this mode is most often considered to be "The Boss" of whatever protege he aligns himself with and who was better qualified to step into that kind of role than the Boss of the whole Wrestling World himself, Mr. McMahon?
A good conniving heel manager should have as a must Good Mic Skills, an overall smarmy kind of presence about them and finally they should be absolutely detestable in almost every way. The men who portray the characters of smarmy manipulative managers are more often than not, actually very likable people in person I.E Bobby Heenan. But, it is in their role as the conniving out for himself and nobody else type of manager that they mostly accell at. A classic example of this kind of manager being used effectively would be Cyrus in ECW.
He was the cocky self centered hand of the Network and he was unlikable in almost everything he did. When he was at ringside you would always be craving for the face wrestler to dish out a little punishment to him for his evil and obnoxious ways. Cyrus certainly was not above interfering in a match. But that was not what made him so loath-able, it was the aforementioned Mic Skills he possessed. The way he would refer to the people as "Troglodytes" and the open disdain he had for the wrestling fans.
The disdain that he may have tried to cover up in his promos and announcing via means of sucking up to the audience. But it would come out whenever he would be talking to or about whatever face wrestler one of his men were scheduled to face. The conniving heel is without a doubt one of my most missed and favorite types of managers.
When portrayed correctly and with the right booking they added immensely to the matches and to the wrestlers they represented. And when it came time for them to get their final comeuppance (which shouldn't happen every frigging week mind you). Major marking out would occur.
The next kind of manager I that I feel is missing in wrestling today is the classic "Annoying Heel." I think that the foremost important role for a manager of this type is to serve as an "enhancement" to his wrestler and also as comedy relief. A good example of what I'm talking about here can be seen in last weeks RAW in the match between HBK/Kurt Angle vs. Carlito & Chris Masters.
At ringside for that match was the ever irritating little foreigner Davairi. When he got super kicked by Shawn Michaels it evoked a strong positive reaction from yours truly. I was baited and hooked in by his performance and it was most definitely a good thing. For a classic reference of this kind of manager, you need look no farther than "The Mouth Of The South" Jimmy Hart.
Here was by all accounts possibly one of the most irritating men in the history of wrestling. He came out to the ring in ridiculously tailored suits carrying of all things a Megaphone. When he would get on that damn thing you could just feel heads were about to explode at ringside. Another example of an irritable managerial character would be the "Manager of Champions" Mr. Bill Alfonso. Whereas Jimmy Hart came armed to his matches with a Megaphone Fonzy had at his side...
"The Whistle"
I take back what I said about Jimmy Hart being the most annoying person ever. Bill Alfonso and his whistle were so goddamn irritating back in ECW that you wished somebody would just take it from him and shove it up his ass sideways! The instances in which he would get accidentally KO'd by a wrestler were always among my favorite events of the show.
Annoying or not though Fonzy got the job done. RVD was never much on the mic, even though he could "get by" in ECW with the relaxed rules there. But the addition of Fonzy helped to drive his character home with the fans. When in heel mode it helped him get the advantage over his foes and when in face mode it allowed his character to appear more sympathetic. It seemed like Van Dam and Fonzy were almost backstage drug buddies sometimes, Although Van Dam's drug of choice was pot, it appears The Fonz's drug of choice was most definitely CRACK Cocaine.
*blows whistle*
Another good example of an annoying heel manager character would be Sherry Martel. Her constant shrieking at ringside still echos in my mind as one of the most damned ear splitting sounds of all time and eternity. God did that woman ever run out of lung power? Being an annoying heel isn't the easiest thing to pull off. You don't want to go over that line into cheesiness and lose touch with the audience. The most principle and foremost ability that must be possessed by a manager of this type is PERSONALITY, and also he must have one trait about him that is really god damned annoying. I.E The Whistle, Megaphone, or speaking In A foreign language (davairi). That is the most obvious and essential skills anyway.
I know I listed Jim Cornette in the "Conniving Heel" category here earlier but I think he would be considered as a strong candidate for this kind of manager also. Especially when he had his Tennis Racket with him. Also not to be Forgotten is the ever snide and smarmy Paul E Dangerously and his trusty Cell Phone Of Doom.
Third on the list there is the Face Manager.
This Kind of person is admittedly rare in wrestling but they can prove to be memorable in certain instances. A good example here would be Paul Ellering w/ the L.O.D or Ted Dibiasi with the Steiners. Normally this kind of manager is used to simply combat the other heel managers at ringside and also to provide moral support for the face wrestlers they represent. They can also be invaluable at picking up crowd support for their protege. They can do this by encouraging the fans to cheer louder. In this aspect they kind of service a dual role of wrestling manager/cheerleader.
An often used trick with the face manager is to have him get layed out backstage or at ringside to heaten up a feud between two warring wrestlers. This happens normally when two wrestlers are in a heated feud, and the heel takes it upon himself to garner heat by attacking of all people the most helpless of individuals. The opposing side's manager/valet. A good example of this would be when Sid Justice attacked Jose Lothario. This attack allowed for Jose's protege Shawn Michaels to whom he was almost a father figure to come back and beat Sid at the Royal Rumble in 1997.
One of my favorite memories of watching a face manager would have to be Elizabeth. She was the epitome of goodness and of beauty and it was her good graces that allowed for The Macho Man to both get over as a heel and also more successfully as a baby-face. When Elizabeth was used in an angle things were always sure to liven up. She was never the focus of attention during matches but she definitely fueled the Macho Man's rage and his passion. She was by no means a typical diva by todays standards. She was not shameless T&A, she was a Lady. And that's how I will always remember her. R.I.P Miss Elizabeth. You are truly missed and there will never be another woman like you in wrestling again.
These are all the different types of Managers and to be sure not all of them fall directly into these rigid categories/stereotypes. At least not the good ones anyway. The best managers possess a little bit of everything that it takes to be a successful at all of the above aspects of managing and they also must have that indefinable "it" factor at work for them.
That "It" factor is employed in all of the following people whom I about to list here as "The Top Five Greatest Managers Of All Time"
The criteria I am Judging the people I select on are;
A. The overall impact they had on the business.
B. The level to which they entertained me.
And finally and maybe most importantly.
C. The level of success achieved by the wrestlers they represented.
Do also note that I can only list the managers whom I have personally seen during my time here on this earth. That is why sadly, The likes of "JJ Dillon" and "Classie Freddie Blassie" will not be appearing here in any shape or form. Since I have not watched enough of their work except for various clips and therefore am not fit to have an opinion on the quality of their contributions to the business. I'm sorry and I know I will always be a "pencil neck geek" at heart too. (R.I.P Freddie, Mae Young sends her regards)
On a personal note I have been looking forward to writing this column for quite some time now. As it is a subject that as a Wrestling fan, interests me greatly. Since I have been a little bitty brat of about five, the two things I have always loved (besides getting my pickle peeled) were Pro Wrestling & Movies about the Army. The pleasure of the latter has dissipated some with age.
However the former still remains one my foremost passions. And one of the things that always fascinated me the most were those strange people at ringside who were always causing so much damn trouble during the matches. So with that being said it is now time to begin the list!
*dims the lights*
Hello Ladies and Germs and children of apprpriate ages, I Julius the master compiler of wrestling lists and statitistics now proudly present to you:
The Top Five Greatest Mangers/Valets In The History Of Professional Wrestling.
5. Sunny
Included because of her stellar run in the WWE in the mid 90's Sunny A.K.A Tamara Lynn Sytch was without a doubt one of the "hottest" women in the pre-diva history of wrestling. Did her looks come into play while I was considering who to include on this list? Well let me just put it this way. If I had to choose between an evening alone with Sunny (ten years ago) or one out sucking up Pasta fizzoli with Percy Pringle (Paul Bearer to WWE fans) which one do you think I would choose?
If you guessed the latter option, I cordially invite you to go f*** yourself. Other reasons besides her smoking good looks, for Sunny's inclusion on this list are her success as a manager during her time involved in the WWE. In her time period as a valet/manager she helped several teams ascend to tag team prominence and success.
It was under her tutelage that the likes of "The Bodydonnas" , "The Smoking Guns" and The "L.O.D 2000" all managed to capture tag team acclaim and revitalized interest among fans. I mean seriously now, who would have ever given a damn about Skip and Dip ( Or Chip or Whip or whatever the f*** his name was) if not for their lovely valet Sunny?
No disrespect intended to Chris Candido here as he was a great and very underrated performer,( R.I.P.) But she was the center of attention everywhere she went. And she was also the most desirable female the WWE had latched a hold of since the golden heyday of the lovely "Miss Elizabeth".
It is in her footsteps that every single WWE diva/valet should aspire to follow. I am reminded of Sunny sometimes when I watch the also sultry and equally seductive Stacy Kiebler on my TV. In fact if the WWE were smart they would utilize Stacy in the same manner they did with Sunny ( which they have done successfully in the past when pairing her with such teams as "The Dudleys" and "The Super Heros".)
Perhaps then people would begin to think of her as something else than just a nice pair of legs. Sunny too though probably does catch a bad rap nowadays as just another pair of surgically enhanced Ta Ta's but she was more than that, much more. Sunny was never afraid to get down and dirty ( not in that way you perverts) for the sake of fulfilling her duties as a manager.
I remember vividly the time that she got "slopped" by Henry O' Godwin. At the time Henry's slightly special "brother" Phineas (later Mideon and Naked Mideon) had strong feelings for the sultry Sunny . This angle was probably the basis for the later and much more violent and sexually charged storyline between Bubba Dudley and Trish Stratus. Just replace Sunny's innocent taunts with Trish's sexy lingerie table vignettes (salivates) and then replace the slopping incident with Bubba Dudley power bombing poor little Trish through the table and there you have it.
Sunny played the part of the conniving Gold Digging Diva' Manager perfectly and there wasn't a man in the audience who didn't have to hold his breath at least a little whenever "I know you want me" would blare over the PA system. So make room divas. Because the bar has now officially been set and room number five on this list of wrestling's greatest managerial minds has been occupied. Inside the room you ask? It's me and the old school Sunny "celebrating" Oh-Yeah!
4. Paul Heyman
It can be argued that as the manager of ECW, Paul Heyman was a bust. But the same could not be said about him as a manager of wrestlers. Now forgetting his time with the Dangerous Alliance for a minute. Consider this, Paul Heyman successfully developed several "cult" stars in ECW. People like Taz, The Sandman and Raven all owe a portion of their fame and wealth to the evil mastermind and the provider of the cool aid. Paul E' Heymanously (crummy joke I know, get off my case.. conscious) took many an untalented wretch and gave them characters and story-lines that were entertaining and endearing to the ECW fanbase.
Now focusing on his earlier accomplishments, if you will direct your attention upwards for a moment you can see in the picture above that Paul E once managed a group of wrestlers known as "The Dangerous Alliance" this was in my humble opinion one of the most underrated and coolest stables, ever.
The people who made up "The Dangerous Alliance" were, "Stunning" Steve Austin, "Ravishing Rick Rude", "The Enforcer Arn Anderson", "The Living Legend Larry Zibysko" and "Beautiful, Bobby Eaton." I just seriously creamed in my shorts thinking about what an awesome assembly of talent I just listed there. That alone is reason enough for Heyman to be on this list. But there's more.
One of Paul E's biggest selling points has always been his ability to express himself on the mic. Never at a loss for words, Paul Heyman's mouth has brought him both praise and controversy throughout his illustrious career. His ability on the mic is cemented in my mind due largely to his awesome job as a color commentator with Jim Ross in 2001. He became aside from Bobby Heenan maybe the greatest manager to ever transition into the role of wrestling announcer. I can still hear the calls of "GORE GORE GORE" echo in my mind whenever I see Rhino wrestle.
Here indeed is a man who never lacked the brass or the balls to accept any challenge placed in front of him. It is for that, and for the introduction of the "Cell Phone" into the pantheon of wrestling weaponry that Mr. Dangerously is here-by inducted into the EXTREME wing of my pro wrestling managers hall of fame. Paul Heyman, You may now officially hang up your trench coat and baseball cap with pride in knowing that you are the fourth greatest wrestling manager of all time. Kudos to you sir on a job well done.
3. Miss Elizabeth
The second female to be included on the list, but with good cause. As the valet of The "Macho Man" Randy Savage she was known as "The First Lady Of Wrestling." And it was a position she filled with beauty, dignity and also with grace. As a manager she can boast that she helped lead the never too level headed Randy Savage to two world title victories over the likes of Ted Dibiasi and Ric Flair.
She was responsible for some of the Macho Man's most memorable angles including his Wrestle-mania Two program with George "The Animal" Steele. Truly who else but Miss Liz could have been so breath-takingly gorgeous as to have caused the split up of the "Mega Powers?" She like Tammy Sytch though loses a few points due to where she ended up. ( not meaning how she died as that would be a very cruel way to judge her career)
But as a heel in WCW while she was more than up to the task provided for her, she never had that major massive appeal that she was blessed with so early on in her career. She as many others before and after her had lost "it"
She does earns extra points because she made millions of fans fall in love with her back in the day. Considering the fact the she was a part of the rare breed of female face managers ( rare in her day anyway) and the fact that she was the role model for every single diva who came after her. Especially in the area's of how to correctly portray a sympathetic and vulnerable character. And how to conduct yourself like a lady. The death of Elizabeth is among wrestling's greatest and most senseless tragedies. It is such a low down dirty shame that the woman who was the walking epitome of elegance inside the ring could have been so out of control at the end of her life.
2. Jimmy Hart
Behold the "Mouth Of The South" arriving boldy into the number two spot on this list all the while proclaiming it as loudly as he can to the masses on his damn Bull Horn. Jimmy Hart was probably the first manager whom I ever had the opportunity to view as a youngster. And if anyone was ever capable of capturing people's attention, it was Jimmy. Sometimes I think he looked more like the kind of person you'd expect to find working at used car dealership instead of a licensed manager of wrestlers ( where do you get those licenses by the way? In crackerjack boxes?)
In the early stages of his career Jimmy Hart gained national exposure through his involvement in the feud between Andy Kaufman and Jerry "The King" Lawler. He and Kauffman respectively had those Memphis fans ready to lynch the both of them. As lovably irritable and innocent as he may seem to todays fan, Jimmy Hart was one of the true pioneers for the WWE style of heel managing. The man has probably managed more men than any other manager I can think of at one time or another. He had so many at one point that he was willing to sell off King Kong Bundy to Bobby Heenan (presumably for the price of a new megaphone and a lifetime guarantee of free dry-cleaning for his ever exuberant collection of Halloween costume like suits)
Later in his career he became both the manager of top heels such as The Million Dollar Man and IRS and also the super babyface machine known as Hulk Hogan. It was with the Hulkster of all people that Jimmy Hart was finally given the greatest honor a manager in this business can aspire to achieve; A world title run for one of his wrestlers. Later on in his wrestling life he would once again turn on Hogan and help manage the stable known as "The Dungeon Of Doom." in their wars with WCW's top faces ( that is until the NWO crushed them and took away the Giant.) It is with the Dungeon that he went on to capture his second World Title run for one of his clientele when "The Giant" defeated "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair live on WCW Nitro.
Did he enjoy a successful run in this business? You betcha.. Oh yeah, and he has a Rock band with a hit song too, look it up. Jimmy Hart took the concept of the annoying heel manager to all new levels. Whether he bothered you or not because of who he affiliated himself with, he had to enrage people with his constant shouting of encouragements to his protege's through that most damnable of all contraptions, his megaphone.
1. Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.
Was there ever really any question about who would wind up here? Bobby Heenan is without a doubt one of the funniest, most conniving, annoying and endearable characters in the annals of professional wrestling's storied history. The list of people he has managed at one time or another reads like a who's who of wrestling's top heels.
He was involved heavily in many of the WWE's most important storylines throughout the 1980's. Bobby Heenan was always among the foremost of thorns in the then WWE champion Hulk Hogan's side all throughout his tenure in the WWE. It was the evil and manipulative Heenan after all who convinced "Andre The Giant" to turn on his then best buddy Hulk Hogan. That resulted in what has to be considered the most important and memorable match and moment in pro wrestling histoy.
The chants of "weasel, weasel" that would echo out from an arena when Heenan would make an appearance were always deafening in their fervor and their persistence. And more entertaining than the chants was Heenan's reaction to them. In my humble opinion Bobby Heenan is professional wrestlings answer to the original "Great One" Jackie Gleason.
After his run as a manager ended he went on to become one half of the greatest announcing team in the history of the WWE. Him and Gorilla Monsoon were always seemingly at odds with each other over some comical issue, and the wrestling audience at the time ate that stuff up with a golden spoon of approval. Aside from his duties at the broadcast table though he still managed to bring "The Real Worlds Champion" into the WWE at the time.
When Ric Flair won the Royal Rumble to become the WWE champion in 92' I thought Heenan was going friggin hyper-ventilate himself and expire right there at the booth. He was that excited. After parting ways with the WWE Bobby Heenan became an announcer for World Championship Wrestling. With them while he maybe wasn't the classic Heenan persona we all knew and loved he still was probably among the top two funniest announcers in wrestling at the time. Today Heenan has transitioned into the role of mentor and also Author.
His contributions to the Sport Of Kings will truly never be forgotten by anyone who had the great pleasure of working with him. So now Bobby "Weasel" Heenan I present to you the first place ribbon for having made me a lifetime fan of your work and for being the inspiration of every heel manager and color commentator to come after you.
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Honerable Mentions
Mr. Fuji for all of the great tag team success he achieved, and especially for DEMOLITION!
To the quintessential muffstuffer - opps, I mean studdmuffin, Joel Gertner for the funniest ring introductions of all time.
Jim Cornette for his great mic skills and... Sunny's Boobs for helping me through puberty.
So now this monumental two-part column has finally been completed. I have to say that was the most fun I have probably ever had writing, and whether or not you agreed with my choices or thought that I knew jack shit about this subject, feel free to leave some feedback. Since these lists are put here mainly to inspire both conversations and start up heated arguments among us fans of this great sport.
Peace out my broters.
Jules
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