Welcome one and all to the 12th edition of Pulp Wrestling. The only column brought to you regularly by yours truly. I am as always, Julius and I will be serving as your slick, sleek and sophisticated host for this evenings affairs. So sit back in that comfy little computer chair your seated in and prepare for another highly addictive swallow of... Pulp Wrestling
The last horizons I can see are filled with bars and factories
And in them all we fight to stay awake...
I'll drink enough of anything to make this world look new again
I'm drunk drunk drunk in the gardens and the graves
Lost Horizons - Gin Blossoms
The stunningly grim mortality rate in this modern era of professional wrestling is not exactly the most popular subject amongst most wrestling fans. However among wrestling's foremost critics, it is a topic that is seemingly always at the top of the agenda (And for good reason). Whether it be due to recreational drugs used to ease the pain of life on the road without one's family, or prescription drugs used to ease the pain from in ring competition, it seems somehow almost inevitable in the last few years that we are bound to see at least two to three wrestling related deaths occur either from past or current drug abuse. Now, if that last statistic doesn't just jump out at you like a giant floating turd in an otherwise perfectly good punch bowl then there's obviously something very, very wrong with you.
I don't know, nor would I ever claim to know what it's like to be a professional wrestler. I can imagine what it's like though, and the pressure to perform on certain instances must be absolutely enormous. Especially, if you are put in high pressure situations such as tryouts for the NWA-TNA or WWE where your entire financial future is hanging in the balance. And everything you have worked for your entire life hinges on you being able to deliver to the best of your ability at that exact moment. Furthermore, if you're already a WWE or TNA superstar and are thus expected to maintain a steady level of in ring excellence night in and night out while under the bright spotlights and the added criticism of both your peers and your current employers, then I can kind of begin to see how this whole situation could turn itself into a virtual powder keg, just sitting there waiting for some excuse to explode.
In my last column I talked a little about being 'hardcore', and also the hardcore lifestyle as a whole. In this column, though, I think I might just be doing the antithesis of that. Now that's not to reverse my opinion on the latter subject as I still feel it is very important for someone in the wrestling business to have as a requirement a deep love and respect for this sport and it's traditions. However, when one puts the pleasures of the road and the pressures of the business above his (or her) family, his children and most importantly his life, then you have a major conflict of priorities at work. What I mean by that is, it's ok to love what you do, even to an extreme amount, just as long as there is some kind of balancing factor in your life that is able to pull you back from the brink. For a good example of someone who just might have been that balancing factor in the lives of many people, one need look no farther than the late great, Eddie Guerrero.
While in the end his former substance abuse issues may have caught up with him, before his tragic passing he managed to rehabilitate himself completely and from most accounts, he became a person that almost everyone who ever knew him considered a good friend and mentor. God only knows the impact Eddie had on the hundreds of other wrestlers he was able to communicate with while he was alive. On top of that, now that he has passed on, one can only feel a strong sense of assurance that his life story will go on to serve as a reminder to every one out there battling demons in their life, that there is hope and a light at the end of the long dark tunnel of substance abuse. Far too many never see that light though. Through whatever sad twist of fate it seems that so many promising careers have been cut short, due to the excessively addictive 'Rock N' Roll' lifestyle that pro wrestling seemingly encourages with it.
Ain't it fun, when you're always on the run
Ain't it fun, when your friends despise what you've become
Ain't it fun, when you get so high that you, well you just can't come
Ain't it fun, when you know that you're gonna die young
The Dead Boys - Aint It Fun (Later covered by Guns N' Roses)
I suppose some could argue that it sometimes adds to the mystique and the 'legendary status' of a performer when he passes away at a young age due to drug abuse. Almost forgoing the aging process you could say. To that I say, f*** mystique. Because, if that's the price I have to pay for having to go through the rest of my life without getting to see any more Brian Pillman or Eddie Guerrero matches then that's just simply to high of a price tag, sorry.
I know there are many young people out in the world today who go by the motto of 'Live fast, die young, and leave behind a good looking corpse.' But to them I would like to ask; How different would the world of music be today if half of the iconic performers of bygone eras had been more focused on making spectacular music, instead of just getting spectacularly f***ed up?
The list of dead musical giants is a mile long, and I do not wish to impose such a long item on you dear readers, but here are a few guys right off the top of my head who I wish would have been a little more careful in their personal lives and therefore they would not have robbed us all of their great gifts (note these are not all musicians and they did not all die from drugs or alcohol).. Randy Rhoads, Jimi Hendrix, John Belushi, Chris Farley, Lester Bangs, Layne Stayely, James Dean, and finally Kurt Kobain.
If even half of those aforementioned guys were still around today, this world would be a much more interesting place to live in because of it. Getting back to wrestling though, how different would WCW have been in the mid 90's if the 'Fab Four' had been the 'Fab Five'? Meaning instead of just Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho and Dean Malenko it could have been Eddie, Dean, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho and.... Art Barr.
How awesome would it have been to have seen Steve Austin battle Brian Pillman one more time over the WWE World Championship in 1998? So, I think now I've well established my point as to what tole that drugs and alchohal abuse have on this industry. But what exactly am I saying here? I'm saying it's time to reassess things. It's time to make some changes that have been needed for quite some time now. I commend the WWE for having the guts to implement their new drug testing policy. Now whether or not they will follow up with it is another matter entirely, but as a fan, I can only say that personally, I feel this is a huge step in the right direction.
In the end though, who's responsibility is it to oversee this testing? No matter what the outside world may think of professional wrestlers and professional wrestling as a whole, these men are not children. And thus they cannot be treated as such. Every man for better or worse is responsible for his own destiny. The choices we make in this life will indeed 'Echo throughout eternity'. The question is, will they echo out positive vibrations, or negative ones?
That as they say, remains to be seen. The only thing for sure that I'm positive anyone who's successfully put their life back together after battling drug abuse will tell you is this; It's not an easy road to go down. So as much as you may feel the right to, do not judge these men until you have walked a mile in their shoes, and seen life through their eyes. To do otherwise, is quite simply, foolish.
However, for the sake of wrestling's future I would now like to make a desperate plea to anyone who may be reading this. Having a five star match, while a great feat, is not worth your life. If you find you require the aid of performance enhancing chemicals to help you in this area, then might I now suggest to you another line of work. Since if you are the type who already requires medication now, just think what you will look like in the years to come after this beast known as professional wrestling chews you up, and then subsequently, spits you back out.
To sum this little rant up here, seeing an old man who's had his life virtually taken away from him by his past mistakes is never a pretty sight. Furthermore, seeing a young man who has had his life taken away from him (literally) because of drugs is probably one of the most tragic things that can happen in this or any lifetime. The affect it leaves on the familys, friends and even the fans that they leave behind can be truly staggering to one's mind. And even if it doesn't affect you in such a personal and emotional manner, you still have to at least every once in a while sit back and think to yourself.... "What if?" Sorry to hit you all with such an emotional topic like that. But it was something I have felt strongly about writing ever since I started doing these columns. I hope you were able to understand some of my sentiments and furthermore, thank you, for reading.
Now my brethren it is time for a very special part of the column. You see, your creator, as it were has 'created' in his infinite wisdom, a special list. And on this list you may ask? It is a list of ten very special things that he ( and I) do not want you to do. Furthermore, if you should do any of the things on this list, we have designated a special place full of fire, snakes, (Barry Mannilow albums) and other assorted tortures collected from all over this sick depraved world we live in that we will send you to live in forever and ever, until the very end of time!
But we love you. Here is the Commandments.
I: I am the 'Whole F'n Show', thou shalt not bet against me to win 'Money In The Bank'.... dude
II: Thou shalt always pay homage to all of the great wrestling stars who have passed on into that 'Big Wrestling Arena In The Sky'
III: Thou shalt lower ticket prices for this years One Night Stand. ( Since most of us old ECW fans could barely afford our lunches back in the day, let alone 500 dollar ringside seats)
IV: TNA, if thou shouldest hire the services of Rikishi, The Good Lord asks but one humble favor from you. Make him wear sweat pants.
V: WWE, if you bring back 'Test' but then refuse to rehire 'Stacy Keibler', I will smite thee.
VI: Thou shalt end the damn Tim White suicide segments already.
VII: Thou shalt not throw piss.
VIII: Thou shalt not promise someone a prime time slot on your network and then renig on the deal.
IX: Thou shalt stop re-hiring so many people, I have a hard enough time remembering everyone's names as it is.
X: Thou shalt be good to each other, always.
Later brothers (and sisters)
Jules.
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