Originally Posted January 20th, 2006.
Hello everyone and welcome to the rocket busting Fifth edition of Pulp Wrestling. I am as always your host for this evening's parade through the crowded streets of wrestling history as well as it's present and future. Yes it's old Julius here again by your side, bringing you the goods from my worn out old personal PC. So now before this old thing up and explodes in a cloud of dust leaving both you and I short one columnist here at LOP. I believe it is fine time that we entered into the pluming smokestacks of the always extremely hot fires here at Pulp Wrestling!
The Subject that I chose to write about in this edition stems from the Poll I did in "The Juice." I didn't think I would get as much out of writing about this person as I did. But as soon as I realized who it was I was going to be describing in this column I began to get a little more excited about the endeavor. In this column I tried to convey why it was Rey Mysterio was a better pick than any of the other choices as well as re-live a few of his classic moments and finally to suggest a method of getting him to full time Main Event status and ultimately to a WWE championship. Now without any further delay, here is the column.
Well from small things, baby
Big things one day come - Bruce Springsteen
A few of you might remember a few columns ago I did a poll question for the readers which begged to ask "What current WWE Superstar whom has never previously held "The Big Gold" most deserves a title run in the year Two Thousand and Six?" The overwhelming winner of that poll was the legendary luchador Rey Mysterio (Jr). The other candidates in the poll were Shelton Benjamin, Chris Masters and Carlito Caribbean Cool. I tend to agree with my readers votes in this poll question. Seeing as Rey Mysterio would be in my humble opinion the most deserving of all the possible candidates for world title contention.
Shelton Benjamin right now is desperate need of a heel turn to freshen up his career so that he may eventually reform back into a credible contender. Carlito & Masters still have a few more years to go before they will be deserving of anything except IC & US title pushes. It is Mysterio who has been wrestling the longest and also the one who has the most loyal and devoted 'Latino' fan-base. But It is not just Latinos who love the wresting stylings of Mr. Mysterio for sure, but the entire Internet Wrestling Community as well as the general everyday WWE fan. I can not speak for the masses though, only for myself.
My first memories of Rey Mysterio came from World Championship Wrestling. There he was the stand-out in a pool of talented stand-outs who were flooding the WCW Cruiser-weight Division at the time. Wrestlers like Psychosis, Juventud Guerrera, Ultimo Dragon, Chris Jericho, Super Calo, Eddy Guerrero, & Dean Malenko were among just a few of the stellar athletes & great grapplers who made that company so much fun to watch back then. But even then you could always tell that Rey was special. He moved faster than anybody else before or since.
He not only moved with speed, but also with grace. He was dubbed early on in his career by Bobby Heenan as "The Human Highlight Reel." Both Matt & Jeff Hardy have a move they use called "Poetry In Motion." There is no better phrase I can think of that more perfectly describes Rey Mysterio in the ring. In fact, They would be well suited to switch phrases and names. As I never thought that The Hardy's, (especially Jeff) were ever really that "poetic" in their in-ring style. But, you could certainly say that they provided numerous moments that were fit to be included in many various high-spot "Highlight Reels" though.
However, when Rey Mysterio wrestles I think you could very well categorize what he is doing as a fine art. He rarely, if ever has an in ring slip up nor does he mess up many of his of offensive maneuvers. I'm not saying he never botches anything. But just that in comparison with a lot of other grapplers little 'Rey Rey' is to be strongly commended for his skills of execution especially when considering the difficulty of many of the athletically challenging and high-risk endeavors that he attempts.
Seriously, go drag your fat fan-boy ass outside sometime and see how easy it is to execute a perfect "Hurricanrana " or better yet if your dumb enough to try that crazy backyard wrestling shit just go up to your roof and do a perfectly spherical Three-Sixty Splash straight down into your concrete porch (Do it on the concrete so afterwords you will be dead and thus will never pollute the earth with anymore offspring of your type). Even if you succeeded I bet you'd still look like a floundering fish compared to how Mysterio does those moves in the ring every single Friday night on Smackdown!
One of the things that I have always truly admired about Mysterio as a professional wrestler is how he always made even the most breath taking moves seem so effortlessly easy. In preparing for this column I have acquired and watched as many of Mysterio's matches as I could locate. I tried to cover the broad range of his career in America from his classic ECW matches with Juvi and Psychosis (And one really rare World Title match against the then ECW champion Mikey Whipwreck) To his WCW battles against Eddy, Dean, and Chris (Jericho) as well as his most prominent WWE work. In viewing the later work I have seen that the WWE does at least seem to have some interest in pushing Mysterio into the main event scene. Which has to be viewed as a positive for us fans.
Rey has been used consistently and effectively as Smackdown's number two face for about the last 2 years. He has been featured in several main event tag-team matches where he has been partnered with the likes of Brock Lesnar, Eddy Guerrero and John Cena. Tag teams though are not the only method in which Mysterio has been displayed by the WWE. He also been in several singles encounters that have graced the main events of Smackdown for the better part his three plus year WWE stint as well. The only thing that remains now for Mysterio is to headline a major Smackdown brand Pay Per view in a singles encounter. The question is though, does the WWE creative team have faith in him as a long term draw to put him in such matches?
Getting back to his WCW career, his match with Eddy Guerrero at Halloween Havoc 97 is often cited as one of the single greatest matches in WCW History and also perhaps in just plain old Wrestling history as well. And I can't say that I disagree with that assertion at all. This was as thrilling a contest as your ever likely to see in this business. Those two men performed moves that night that left the viewer in pure amazement wondering 'how in the hell do these two guys keep going?' Though that that match was great, ( again maybe the best ever) Rey also had many other great matches in the WCW cruiser-weight division.
One that comes to mind right now is the match he had with Dean Malenko right after the NWO's debut at Bash Of The Beach 96. The match was held outside and near a large Olympic sized pool. ( I always thought the episodes of nitro that were held in that arena were especially cool because of that factor.) This match was to be for the cruiser-weight championship and I remember marking out excessively when little 'Rey Rey' won that title from "The Shooter." That was a moment and a night of wrestling yours truly will never forget. I also think this was the same night that Rey got darted into the side of a trailer by Kevin Nash.
I would like now to bring to your attention a match that is talked about very little nowadays. It is from the the last episode of Smackdown before the 2004 draft lottery. That night in the Main Event it was Rey Mysterio challenging the then WWE champion Eddy Guerrero for the title. Those two really tore the roof off that night. It's a testament to the talent and the popularity of both individuals that they were able to pull off such an exciting encounter with so many near falls. Now everyone knew that the WWE wasn't about to take the title off of Geurrero then ( or at least they pretended to know anyway.)
But what a moment it would have been if they had decided to go that route. I contend that it would have been just as big a moment as when Guerrero himself won the Strap from Brock at N.W.O-2004. Again I can't speak for everyone in terms of how big of a success he would have been as a champion. But for my personal enjoyment it would have been the Mark-Out Moment Of The Year without a doubt. Maybe only second to Benoit's wrestlemania 20 victory over Triple H.
And as big of a moment it would have been back then, I believe it would be an even bigger one right NOW. Especially considering the fact that Rey Mysterio is now ready to hold the title. He is at the same stage in his career now that Eddy & Benoit were at in 2004. He is a successful singles star who many think is just on the cusp of something really big. That something should be a World Title Run. It doesn't even have to be a particularly long one in terms of months. Just even a quick cup of coffee reign would suffice in my book.
Since it would probably be the perception of many that Mysterio is way to small of a grappler to convincingly defeat the top WWE superstars on a constant basis. And since even when Rey was matched up against other cruiser-weights he has always been portrayed as the underdog in nearly every single one of his bouts. That being said, he can defeat the bigger guys once in a while on a semi-consistent basis without causing too much alert by using his creative offense. And also he can do this by being ever so evasive and elusive and by utilizing the old Muhammad Ali tactic of "Float like a Butterfly & Sting like a Bee" in other words "Stick & Move".
But alas, unless he were to turn heel and just plain cheat to win there is little chance people would buy a long term title reign for Mr. Mysterio without snubbing their aristocratic noses in the air once or twice. And for Rey Mysterio, playing a heel is something I don't believe I've ever seen him do. He is besides maybe Ricky Steamboat the only person I can think of who is likable enough to have never been turned heel even once in his entire career. You could say that's a mark against his Mic work or you could say it's because he's just too damn nice of a guy to be a convincing heel.
Perhaps he is among the rare breed of wrestler who could cook a live baby and it's fat momma' right inside the ring and still manage to come out of the affair a strong baby-face contender. Now onto how to get the title onto Rey. First off though, I know it's been discussed alot but I don't think the main reason for Mysterio getting a world title run should stem from the death of Eddy Guerrero. Yes, I loved Eddy too, we all did. But personal pitty is a very poor reason to be handing out World Championships to people.
He should get the title because he has earned the right to wear it. Because he has paid his dues. Moreover he should wear the gold because of the reputation he has developed as a true pioneer in this beloved quasi-sport of ours. Nobody in recent memory has done so much to help knock down the walls for smaller wrestlers to come in and wrestle on a competitive level with the heavyweights and superheavy weights as Rey has. It is because of wrestlers like Mysterio that TNA has an X-division in the first place.
He deserves to be recognized for his accomplishments and for all his hard work. Now as for the business of getting him to the title. I think the current champion is a more than suitable choice to pass the torch on to Mysterio. Kurt Angle and Rey have had some real classics in the past. They have even brought the house down in Battle Royals that they were the last two men remaining in. So the quality of match would not be in question. You could have Rey Mysterio come out the winner at the Royal Rumble or at least have him be the last Smackdown guy left in the ring.
Then at wrestlemania it should be some combination of Rey vs Kurt or a three way involving Benoit vs Angle vs Mysterio. WIth either Benoit or Rey (prefarably Rey from my standpoint) coming out with the title win in the end. Here is a little fantasy set-up of how I would like this event booked. It is done in traditional wrestling recap fashion as you would find in the main page results section of any big pro-wrestling news site. I hope you dig it.
(Taken via time machine from a future Wrestling News Site's results posting)
Royal Rumble 2006
(Submitted by Jules)
( Joined in progress)
What a spectacular event this years Royal Rumble has been! Rey Mysterio came in at the not so enviable number seven position and then had to endure the many various onslaughts from his fellow combatants. At one point in the match he was almost eliminated by a double chokeslam effort from Kane & The Big Show but he somehow managed to wriggle free of their grip and thus saved his spot in the battle royal. He also successfully fought off the advances of several of his own Smackdown superstars. In a rather creative elimination Rey manged to take out Raw's Carlito by connecting with the '619' on him ( while he had an Apple stuffed in his mouth) after he connected with that he sprang up off the top rope and hit the west coast pop carrying Carlito over the top rope while Rey skinned the cat back over the top rope! But the monster duo of Kane & Show would not be so easily defeated. They paired up and damn near eliminated half of the participants in this thirty man over the top rope battle royal on their own. The fury of their attack was severely destructive and indeed a true demonstration of their might. This duo teamed up and successfully eliminated the likes of Rob Van Dam, Chris Benoit, Mark Henry, Viscera & in a stunning moment they both hoisted up The Undertaker and double press slammed him over the top rope to the floor! The final four men left in the ring were JBL, Kane, The Big Show, and Rey Mysterio!
JBL tried unsuccessfully to cut a deal with the gigantic duo. They briefly pretended to accept his offer by shaking his hand and then turning towards mysterio. But when JBL stepped out to attack Rey they both grabbed him by the throat and Chokeslammed him out onto the hard concrete mat covered floor! At this point the odds for Mysterio winning this thing were looking slim to none! The two monsters stalked Rey around the ring but were unable to catch the quicker more and more agile Mysterio. Both Kane & Show went for a clotheline but Mysterio hit a double dropkick to their testicles sending both men crashing down onto the middle rope setting them up for the biggest 619 ever! After connecting with 619 Rey bounces off the top in an attempt to hit the Hurricanrana on Kane! When Rey lands on Kane though he has little to no effect on the big man and The Big Red Machine effortlessly powerbombs Mysterio in the middle of the ring. Now this evil duo drags Rey to the outside (through the ropes). The Big Show grabs Mysterio by the legs and is about to swing him head first into the Metal Post! But wait! It's BATISTA!! The former World Heavyweight Champion comes rushing from the back and knocks down both Kane and Show with a furious double clothesline! Batista then Irish whips The Big Show noggin' first into the steel ring post just as Show was preparing to do to Rey.
Now The Animal throws Kane back into the ring and lays him out with a massive Batista-Bomb! The Big Show now staggers back into the ring and sends Batista into the ropes and goes for a diving clothesline to send him out of the ring. In doing this though, Show loses his balance and comes crashing down over the top rope eliminating himself! Kane who's now clutching his injured ribs staggers up and is infuriated by all of this. He walks over to the edge of the ring where Show is and they both trade looks of bewilderment and rage! In doing this Kane commits the cardinal sin of taking his eye off of his opponent as Rey Mysterio who's now perched on the top rope connects with a top rope dropkick that sends Kane sailing off over the top to the floor! Ladies and Gentlemen your winner of the 2006 Royal Rumble, Rey Mysterio!!! What a moment.
Jules.
(A few months later)
Smackdown Recap
( Submitted By Jules)
It was announced by General Manager Theodore Long that after the sensational 30 Minute Iron Man Match between Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit ended in a draw that it was only fitting that Benoit be added to the Wrestlemania Main Event. Thus making this the first ever Triple Threat encounter for the Smackdown Brand's Heavyweight Title to be held on a Main Event stage at Wrestlemania!
Wrestlemania 22 Main Event Recap
Rey Mysterio vs Chris Benoit vs Kurt Angle (C)
(Joined in progress)
The Finish.
All three of these men have been going at each other with every move in the book for the last 26 minutes! They have pretty much exhausted everything in their arsenals and have in the process put on what will go down in history as one of the most exciting Main Event matches in Wrestlemania history! Chris Benoit hit the Triple Rolling German suplexes on Kurt Angle and then locked on the 'Crippler Crossface!' Kurt would surely have tapped out if he had not been "saved" at the last moment by Rey Mysterio who dropkicked him in the face and in the process broke up the move. Now Benoit gets up and hits a hard short-arm clothesline on Mysterio that sends him crashing down to the mat with a sickening thud. He now picks up Angle and performs the "Three Amigos" suplex combo. Next Benoit climbs to the top for his patented diving headbutt finisher! As he is about to take flight he is sent crashing down off the top by a charging Mysterio who hits the ropes thus crotching the Crippler. As Benoit is writhing in pain on the outside Mysterio ascends to the top and nails a picture perfect frog splash onto Kurt Angle. He covers him for the one, two, and THREE!! Yes! Holy f***ing' Jesus Christ on a crutch! Rey Mysterio has done it!!! He is now the new World Heavyweight Champion!
*The End*
Wow, can you think of a more touching tribute to the Eddy Guerrero than to have two of his closest friends share the spotlight in the main event of the Granddaddy of Them All? I personally cannot, and again it's not out of pitty I do this but because both Rey and Benoit have earned the privilege of having their nights. Through years of blood, sweat and tears. For the sake of honoring their accomplishments and also for the matter of producing the best pure wrestling match to headline Wrestlemania this year.
I think this is the way it should be. It is now Mysterio's time. But whether or not this pipe-dream comes true at the very least I still have tons of footage of the great Rey Mysterio (who's not called Junior anymore thanks to the consent of his Uncle (Credit to Blackwell for correcting me on this)Rey Sr, which is a HUGE deal in Mexico) to keep me entertained for a long long time to come. So in closing on this topic I have only one thing left to say, Viva La' Raza!!
Now onto The Commandments! This is the part of the column where I the Good Reverend Julius proclaim to you good readers. The Ten newest Commandments ( wrestling related) divvied out by the almighty himself. Why does his Holiness allow me this extreme honor you ask? Because he digs my column of course. Now on with the commandments already.
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I: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors goods nor his valet's ass or his custom low rider. (This commandment was handed down especially from god compliments of Eddy G.)
II: Thou shalt honor The Sabbath Day (Wrestlemania) and keep it wholly free of useless gimmick matches.
III: Thou shalt not hit thy opponent with any form of a metallic championship belt.
IV: Thou shalt not no-show.
V: Thou shalt keep a consistency with the speed of thy three count, referees.
VI: Thou shalt not waste thy cruiserweight division.
VII: Thou shalt not retire any more than six times in a single career.
VIII: Thou shalt not kill. (Especially thyself, Mr. White)
IX: Thou should surely explore all of the columns here at TVW as this is indeed a treasure chest in the eyes of The Lord.
X: I am King Of The Mountain and I will not tolerate any other pretenders to my throne! ( Hey, what the f***!?! This isn't The Almighty speaking! Jarrett what have you done! Put that damn guitar away for Christs sake! )
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Son of A.... That f***ing Jarret, I sure hope he gets his one day, until then it has been my pleasure presenting this column to you fine folks here at The Wrestling Voice. I hope you have enjoyed it in some way. Until next time, take care of yourselves and be sure to leave me some feedback so I will know what needs to be improved upon in future editions.
Send all feedback to mcphersonbilly@hotmail.com
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