Column originally posted January 28th, 2006.
Hello readers, bleeders and assorted mole-eaters. (yuck) It is I Julius, the master compiler of wrestling lists and the keeper of Kane's flame. I am at your side once more to guide and bide you through the Sixth eye opening edition of Pulp Wrestling. So let us not waste anymore time because the time is fast approaching for the new 'King Of The Mountain' to take his rightful spot on the throne atop Mount Columonius and begin divvying out the dirt to you. My loyal subjects...
This column was a hard one to churn out. It was written on a week that was very busy for me writing wise. But with that being said I have recieved lots of positive feedback about it. So now I have decided to share it with all of my newfound friends here at The Wrestling Voice.
Dig my brethren...
In the beginning there were jobbers, these men struggled long and arduous battles against both their opponents and against upper management. But in the end, most of them sadly still remained jobbers. There is no mass exodus for most of the men and women who choose to make the journey into professional wrestling. For most of them, the most they can hope for is to maybe one day main event in one of their small local indy feds. And even then, that is not as easy a journey as some would like to think. Some wrestlers spend their entire careers on the independent scene, contracting out their work on special occasions for measly wages that don't even amount to half of the cost of what it takes to fill up their car's gas tanks. They do this year in and year out. Alot of these traveling gladiators often have to work one or more jobs besides wrestling just to be able to pay for the privilege of ruining their bodies, all for the sake of our entertainment.
There are literally thousands of wrestlers who have retired with wrecked bodies and tortured minds due to years of drug abuse having never accomplished even half of what they originally set out to accomplish in the business. With that in mind it is somewhat understandable as to why these veteran journeyman sometimes become so bitter towards younger talent. Especially when said talent is given everything right at the start of their careers. And especially when said talent doesn't appreciate what he or she has been given.
I guess we've all seen it happen far too many times to number over the last few years. The WWE "creative" team see's a rising young star who might just be on the cusp of breaking out onto the main event scene on a semi-permanent basis. Then they do the unfathomable. They take the unprepared young minnow and throw him into the middle of an ocean filled with blood-thirsty, ravenous sharks. Of course I'm speaking figuratively here as I doubt even the knuckleheads in the WWE uncreative team would be moronic enough to book an angle where one of their wrestlers gets eaten alive by dangerous sea predators. ( Although, I hear through the wire that TNA is considering trying out the angle for their favorite "Aqua-Jobber" Shark-boy)
Just replace the word "Shark" in the above paragraph with the more commonly known IWC insider term "Smark". And then you will begin to understand what it is I am driving at. We the fans are of course the ultimate decider's of what flies and what doesn't in the wrestling business. If enough of us don't like a certain wrestler for whatever reason, chances are said wrestler will not be as successful as he would have been otherwise. (Cite recent example: John Cena.) And we the fans can be a vicious group of mothers indeed. When we are given a wrestler whom we all feel is too green to fully deserve the honor and prestige of The World Championship we often revolt against this wrestler and drive whatever plans the WWE might have had for him straight off a cliff in the process. But then again, why shouldn't we?
For what great offense are we being punished for, that the almighty VKM would want to saddle us with some green as grass cow-poke that barely knows a Headlock from Hepatitis C? I mean if we really had that great a desire to watch people learning how to wrestle we would all just go and get our jollies off at an OVW event. But alas we don't, and so most of us will not be gracing those young aspiring grappler's with our presence or our paychecks anytime soon. Some could argue the recent shift to more soap opera-esq entertainment type story-lines is partly to the blame for this rush of rookie overkill. The rationalization is quite easy, since wrestling is now secondary, knowing how to wrestle is pretty much an afterthought in the eyes of WWE upper management it seems.
But even still it takes experience to be a good "Sports Entertainer" too. Most young actors don't get thrown into mega-stardom just days after hitch-hiking it to Hollywood. For something like that to go down would be an insult to the millions of veteran actors who've been showing up for rehearsals and busting their humps for years upon years. I'm not saying it never happens, but it is a rare event nonetheless. But my question is for this column, is all this anger and bitterness directed at these young superstars really justified? Of all the people and wrestlers who often decry that the WWE and formerly the WCW are wrong for giving these young stars these mega-pushes, how many of them do you think would do the noble thing and turn one down themselves if given the opportunity?
How many young wrestlers do you know of that would be willing to turn down a shot at the World Heavyweight Title? Which as I have described before in the introduction is an exceedingly rare gift in this business. And if you dismiss it once chances are you're probably not going to see another chance at it pop up for a very long time. Now before I am flogged for saying this I am in no way defending the rush-job as a whole as it often times creates a very bad precedent and also gives the wrestler on the receiving end a very big ego. Case in point "The Big Show" who upon his initial WCW debut was given a main event match with Hulk Hogan. And in his own words what that did was "Create a f'n Ego Maniac"
However, there are instances in which an early title reign and push can actually be a good thing. (for a company anyway) Take Goldberg in WCW for example, I know he's hated by most "insider" fans (mostly I think for just his general lack of passion towards the business) But his undefeated streak was one of the crowning achievements of World Championship Wrestling and it was arguably the last great angle that company ever produced. The way the title switch was handled was questionable as it pretty much gave away the company's biggest drawing match up on free television. It may have garnered a strong rating but in the end it may also have cost the already millions of dollars in debt WCW some serious PPV revenue too. But on the whole if a promotion were interested in learning how to book a successful undefeated streak, the rise and subsequent fall of Goldberg is always a good story to keep in mind.
One thing WCW did do right when they were building Goldberg is that they did not rush him straight to the top like the WWE did with Brock Lesnar. It took Goldberg at least the better part of a year of to build up his "streak" which was helped monumentally by the fact that Mike Tenay and Bobby Heenan were actually counting the number of victories he had gotten since his debut. The WWE and TNA right now are both once again trying to re-capture this kind of magic with two of their most dominant performers. That being Lashely in the WWE and Samoa Joe in TNA. With the latter wrestler in my opinion being by far the more talented one at this point. TNA is doing the smart thing in my opinion by keeping Joe in the X-division for long enough for him to build up the credibility in the eyes of TNA's casual audience so that he may one day slay thee evil King Jarrett and save the NWA title from being turned into a white leather Christmas ornament with flashing red neon lights that have the initials of the champ on the front. Don't think it would happen, well then I guess you don't remember this.
(shudders)
OK, I'm getting waaay off topic here. Sorry bout that,
I believe I was talking about people getting rushed into the spotlight before their time. I guess the most famous example of this right now would be Randy Orton. In 2004 he was given a world title victory at the WWE's second biggest event of the year. Now if that wasn't enough to make the fans resent this 23 year old rookie phenomena. Then the next thing the WWE did to him must have been ordered just specifically so they could finish the job of sabotaging young Orton's career forever. They turned him face. Just one night after defeating a very popular world champion in Chris Benoit and after months of being the 2nd most prolific heel in the company those ignorant bastards in the WWE creative department turned "The Legend Killer" into a full fledged baby-face.
This is the case that is most often touted by net fans as the worst example of someone being given the ball way before they are even old enough properly grasp it in their hands. And it is a strong one indeed. But again, If you want to blame someone, blame Triple H for trying to get his "friend" over before his time. Or better yet blame creative for booking it. Don't blame Randy Orton, he was only doing what he was told. Now if you want to boo his character that is fine. However bitching about it on the Internet is pretty much just a respute of those who's own lives are very, very empty.
I mentioned Brock Lesnar earlier as an example of someone who was rushed into the title scene with a negative effect. Now I know at the time he won the belt from The Rock he was actually heavily cheered since The Rock was receiving an all out backlash against his character at the time (For the Godbergian like reasoning that he had lost his passion for wrestling.) But the negative implications of Brock's early title run are still being felt to this very day. In the first place it was the cause (or part of it) for the early departure of RAW's top name 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin. And also it disrupted well, not disrupted, it ended the program's top storyline at the time. The fued between Steve Austin and Ric Flair. Then in the infamous match between Lesnar and Goldberg (there's that name again) Lesnar's ego decried that he was too good for the WWE machine anymore. And he took his ball and ran to the NFL. (Where it was promptly thrown back in his face)
All of this because from the very beginning of his career Lesnar was told that he was special. More special than any other wrestler in existance. And he was treated as such. Now whether or not Lesnar was deserving of this treatment or not is not the issue. The fact remains that nothing good ever comes from spoiling your children. Unless you always want them to act like children that is. And few people I know would ever want a thing like that.
Another person pushed rapidly into the World Title was David Bautista. However in this case it seemed to work out favorably for everyone. Maybe because of Batista's advanced age (He's nearly 40 I believe) or maybe because of the excellent way his face turn was booked. Whatever it was, Dave Batista went from main eventing Sunday Night Heat to Wrestle-mania in the course of less than a year. And very few people saw fit to bitch about it. Which is a very rare thing in this day and age. In fact many were saddened (including yours truly) to learn of Batista's recent injury that caused him to lose the title. PS Get Well Soon Dave! SD Needs You!!!
As I said before if you only get one thing out of this column I would like it to be this. Don't despise the John Cena's, and Randy Orton's of the world just because they were booked into situations that they may or may not have been ready for. They were only doing their jobs the best that they could. On the other hand I guess it is justifiable to feel somewhat slighted by the likes of Lesnar and Goldberg (especelially after that ungodly turd of a match) But to summarize here. In the immortal words of Booker T. Washington, don't hate the playa, hate the game. Or something like that...
That is all for this edition of Pulp Wrestling. Hope you got something positive out of it and as always feedback is greatly appreciated,
Jules.
Whoa, hold up a minute there boss.. You didn't think I'd really leave ya that way did ya? Oh hell no, not before the final piece of the Pulp Wrestling puzzle has been put into place. Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and squirrels, jobbers of all ages I Julius now proudly present to you. This week's TEN COMMANDMENTS
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I. Thou shalt not make unto thy Title Belts any graven images, or spinny do-dads as this is displeasing to the eyes of The Lord.
II. Thou shalt not rip-off lame story-lines from the mid 90's
III. Thou shalt not start flame-wars
IV. Thou shalt set aside one day a week to honor The Sport Of Kings.
(This day was originally Saturday. The day God had originally finished laying the Smacketh Down on all the rudy pooh creatures of Earth, but after the crucifixion of his beloved daughter Stephanie by The Undertaker this day was hence changed to Monday in remembrance of that event. )
V. Thou shalt not imitate The "Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers Strut (Unless you yourself are also known as "The Nature Boy" as well.)
VI. Thou shalt not steal people's awards, Shannon Moore.
VII. Thou shalt not covet thy rival promotions superstars or their television time-slot.
VIII. Thou shalt not "Throw In The Towel"
IV. Thou shalt not drinketh Haterade.
X. And finally I give unto you all one final commandment. Thou shalt not piss me off Slap-nuts!
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Hey, not again. Dammit! Jarrett if you butt into this column one more time! I swear I'm gonna take that sawdust guitar away from you and shove it up your honky-tonk man ass sideways and use your nutsack as a damn pick!
Son-of-a-bitch......
Until next time, It has been my pleasure,
Send all feedback to:mcphersonbilly@hotmail.com
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