Welcome back, guys! I know last column I told you all I would have another out that week, but I just couldn't get it done before I went on vacation, so I'm sorry! Well, anyway, I got a very nice column for you today that will be viewed at approximately 32 sites, which is the most I have ever been at. Enough of my bragging, let's get straight to the "Nonsense Thoughts."

What is it with WWE? I always thought the World Title was the most prestigious thing in WWE...well obviously a HIAC match with a guy who won't take a big bump and a guy who will never retire is more prestigious. Maybe I'm an old schooler (which is an insult to them) or maybe I'm just not getting it, but the World Title match should be the main event. It is the pinnacle, the most important thing, and if the guy challenging for it or defending it can't even make the Main Event, what does that say about the title? Even more, we now have serious doubts as Benoit as a serious champ. His only main events as a title defender have been with HBK and/or Triple H, and the only other two can't even make it to the main event even though both of his opponents were "monsters." What does that say about him as a champ? That he can only main event if he faces HBK or Triple H, or is lost in the mix in a simple tag match? Wow WWE, you have made your best World Champ in a long time second to an over the hill wrestler and someone who can't let go of the main event slot. Kudos...kudos...

Will Triple H ever leave? At first I heard he would after Backlash, but then I heard his movie got postponed till after Bad Blood so he could help WWE's struggling product. Then I heard that he will not leave after Bad Blood, but rather, stay and help the brand. Ok, let me tell you something, Hunter. Yes, you may be all that. Yes, you may be one of the greatest, but you are helping no one, and I mean no one by staying on. All you do is insert yourself back in the title picture and/or hog up the main event and take away from the champ and his title. It is crap, and you are only hindering Raw. What happened while you were gone in 2001, Hunter? One of the best angles I feel ever to take place in WWE, that's what. Even more, if you want to help out so much, go back to Smackdown, they are struggling, not Raw. What's the matter? Scared you will lose your grip on the title and staff?

Is it just me or is Tomko a dead ringer for Batista? I swear by looking at them and their tats and their faces, it's literally like looking in a mirror. I mean, if they ever saw one another, this is what they would be thinking as they stare at the other:
Tomko: "When did my beard get so thin?"
Batista: "Remember...never sell...I mean, when did my beard get so long?"
Yea, laugh it up people, but it's true. It's the same with any big man with tats they bring in. I swear it's like a watered down version of the Undertaker or Diesel. If you can't even get a gimmick to begin with, don't steal someone else's look.

I hate some of the skepticism Undertaker gets, and it gets me to the point where if I see his name in a title of a post, I skip it. All the reporters say is:
"He doesn't sell which pisses people off, but people still like him."
So he pisses them off, and is still liked? So what's the problem? Even more, a lot of you people fail to realize something. Yes, Undertaker no-sells at times, but is that his fault? If he sold to everyone, how would that make his character look? Like crap? Ding-ding-ding-ding...we have a winner! Seriously, you can tell that Undertaker is capable of selling by his matches against Cena, Flair, Rock, and Big Show as Big Evil/ABA. However, when he gets to the Deadman phase, if he sold to everyone like he did before, how would that make his character look so ominous and great? It wouldn't! Hence, there would be no point. Even more, people complaining about him not jobbing and only doing it to help him look better. Oh...he beat Booker T...the horror! Does it really matter that a feud where a guy incorporated dirt resulted in Taker's favor? Honestly, I think they both lost in this feud. Undertaker critics can shove it, which was the point of this rant that lasted too long and wasted both our time. Sorry.

Well, those were some pretty long "Nonsense Thoughts" and I honestly hope you skipped over them. Anyway, from the look of the title, you probably have a general idea what this is. To clarify something (for readers who told me they got confused at my last column), this is MY card, not WWE's. This is what I want to see. This is not what you will see this Sunday, and probably not what you will see ever knowing WWE writers, but I digress. I got some good matches for you people today, and trust me, they will blow you away. Well, let's get started. I present to you, the 1st annual "Great Nonsense Bash!"

Territorial Rights To Smackdown
The Jafia Vs. FBI
I feel this would be a great way to start off the PPV and start a great new feud. Just think about it for a second. We have the FBI setting up betting tables and what-not on matches of one show, and Jafia (Akio & Sakoda) walk in and tell them they are encroaching on their territory. Nunzio then tells them that they have been here longer, working longer, and things have been going good while they are in charge, so they aren't leaving. Akio & Sakoda tell them that they won't forget this, and then the next week when the FBI gets a Tag Title shot, Jafia screws them out of it. Next, we would see an all out mafia war. Severed horses' head a la The Godfather. Maybe the Jafia getting someone like Matt Morgan to try and do a "hit" on the FBI. Then we get to the match. By this time, the FBI will be fan favorites and give a new twist to the Stable division on Smackdown as we have two warring stables. Of course, I would like to see Jafia win to see how they handle things, but think about the match for a second. First off, we get to see the high cruiserweight action of Jafia and Nunzio, yet then get to switch pace as The Bull comes in as the enforcer of the FBI and quickly takes out everyone. Plus, at the end, we could see Funaki in his first heel turn in a long time come out to help the Jafia win, thus making the score 3 members to 2 for the future and maybe a handicap match at Summerslam. The possibilities that follow this feud are endless and so is my elation if this match makes it on the card!

Too Cool Vs. Bashams
Now, as I expressed earlier, the tag team ranks need a little twisting. I am currently watching a crap load of old PPVs and you know what I see a lot of? Tag matches, tag matches, and tag matches. Did I mention Tag matches? Honestly, it was good. They treated the Tag division just like the singles one. Yes, the Tag title is the most coveted prize, but they are things ore important than that. Like pride. Like revenge. Et cetera. With that said, we know the history between these two. Even more, we know that since NWO, Shaniqua has been off of TV. So why not have the Bashams try and get revenge on Too Cool for taking out their manager/mistress. Why don't we have a tag match that doesn't involve stables, a tag title match, or the tag titles? For anyone who saw NWO this year, they will agree that this was underrated. It wasn't the best, but had lots and lots of potential and opened the door for the future. In the match, what could we see? Perhaps the return of Shaniqua...but as a face?!? She could come to the ring and refuse to help the Bashams and not hand them a chair or whatever weapon they may have. And afterwards? Perhaps we could see the Kish grind it with someone for a change!

Cruiserweight Championship
Rey Mysterio (c) Vs. Chavo Guerrero, Sr.
Guest Ref: Chavo Guerrero, Jr.
Now, how could WWE postpone a father-son match until Summerslam? Oh, I know! I know! Pick me! Pick me! Well, do this. Have Sr. face off against Rey to reclaim his belt. Then have Jr. be placed as guest ref. Leading up to the match, we have the belief that they will be on the same page as each other, but when we get to the match, what happens? Mysterio gets a quick roll up and Chavo then does a quick 3 count, and we have a huge upset! On the following Smackdown, we have Chavo pin Mysterio to become the new champ, and why? Chavo reveals that he didn't want to have to embarrass his dad by proving he was better so he passed the belt onto Mysterio, knowing he could beat him. Well then, we see an epic encounter that rivals the build up of NWO between Eddie and Chavo. While this match may not be good, you always have to look at the aftermath of what will occur in the match and what will follow in the future. With this match, the future is looking good for Summerslam!
Note: Yes, I know we probably won't see Classic in WWE for a while, but let me be delirious for a moment. Please?


WWE World Women's Championship
Gauntlet Match
Sable Vs. Alexis Laree Vs. Nikita Vs. Shaniqua Vs. Jazz Vs. Miss Jackie Vs. Torrie Wilson Vs. Jacqueline Vs. Shannon Moore Vs. Dawn Marie
Ok, honestly, Smackdown needs a good women's division, and to have that, what do we need, people? A title! And even more, how do we get a women's title? Invite every woman on Smackdown to compete. Sable? She used to wrestle, and honestly, she wasn't half-bad. Sure, there was room for improvement, but she won't stink up the ring. Alexis Laree and Nikita? Both untapped OVW resources that have yet to be called up despite their excellent talent. Shaniqua and Miss Jackie? We saw what these girls can somewhat do in TE2 and even though they at times can stink up a match, I don't think them going head to toe with Jazz or Alexis would produce bad results. Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie? To me, they are only there to tide the match and keep some people interested by T&A. Jazz and Jacqueline? Two women who actually can wrestle, are powerhouses, and are sure to raise the bar in this match a lot. And Shannon Moore? Wait...he's a guy! Well, imagine this. Angle signs the match and as he is looking over the Smackdown roster looking for girls to put in this, he adds Shannon's name simply going, "Shannon...what a nice girl's name! I'd like to see her in action." With that, he puts his name on the list, and what happens is a very interesting gauntlet match. We go from Sable Vs. Alexis Laree to Alexis Vs. Nikita to Nikita Vs. Dawn to Nikita Vs. Torrie to Torrie Vs. Miss Jackie to Miss Jackie Vs. Jacqueline to Jacqueline Vs. Shaniqua, and when Shanquia wins, we hear little Shanny Moore come out and see him quickly dispose of her, yet then Jazz comes out and gives Shannon a beating he will never forget. Yes, it may make Shannon look bad, but it will make Jazz look even more incredible as she becomes the first Smackdown Women's champ and this struggling brand finally has a better Women's division!

Moredechai & God Vs. Hardcore Holly & Billy Gunn
This is only intended to put over Mordechai, and sacrifice a team that we all hate anyway. The match itself might bomb, but it helps build their new star a lot. All WWE has to do is have Mordechai declare an open challenge to someone and have Holly answer it with Gunn behind him. Then Mordechai talks about how he can face them by himself, but for the fan's sake, he will have a mystery partner. When he gets there, he will announce that God is his mystery partner as he will help him defeat the sinners. We could see some very funny things in this match as Moredchai tags air and then tags back while Gunn looks befuddled, but honestly, this is a squash match. We all know Mordechai will squash someone on this PPV, so why not two people so he can accelerate quickly in the ring as a monster and avoid another card of him squashing someone?

Handicap Match
Dudley Boyz Vs. Undertaker
This match is going to happen, and I, for a change, love it. The Dudleyz need a strong feud right now as they are just interim heels, and Undertaker just needs someone for the PPV card. Now, to add to this, the feud for this has been incredible. Dudleyz get motivation and they get incentive to do something really big. What bigger than singling out the oldest and most decorated star in WWE? Umm...maybe a gay wedding like in 2002? Eh...wrong! The kidnapping of Paul Bearer and the snatching of the urn is just what the Dudleyz needed to put themselves over even more as heels, and quite honestly, it worked! Now we have the match and the outcome. Goody! Think about this. When is the last time you say Undertaker take a 3D? Or Undertaker give 2 men a Chokeslam at the same time? It's been awhile, hasn't it? Well, I for one am so excited to see these possibilities, and just think of the potential outcome. Perhaps we see Mordechai appear and defend the Dudleyz and destroy the urn. Perhaps we see Undertaker fall in allegiance to his first ever manager in his wrestling career. Perhaps we see a good ol' fashioned brawl that results in a No Contest. Perhaps I shut up and just end this part of the column. Anyway you look at it, with the improving veterans here, nothing can fail.

WWE United States Championship
Six Pack Challenge
John Cena (c) Vs. Rene Dupree Vs. Rob Van Dam Vs. Booker T Vs. Mark Jindrak Vs. Orlando Jordan
Six Pack Challenge? What the hell is that? Well, for those rookies who just started watching WWE programming in the last three years, a six pack challenge is just like a four corners match...except with two more people. If you are having doubts as to my credibility on this, check the records for Survivor Series 2001 and Unforgiven 1999. You will find a Women's Title and a WWE Title Six Pack Challenge match. Now with that said, why would I pick this? Even more, why pick the stars I did? Well, first off, we have our four right now: Rene Dupree, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, and our ever so eloquent champ, John Cena, but why Orlando Jordan and Mark Jindrak? Well, for starters, look at the draft. Look at what happened the first three weeks after it. What did we see? Maybe a heel version of Mark Jindrak that rivaled many heels in WWE today? I think so! He was conniving, despicable, unlikable, arrogant...and if memory serves me correctly, he was hogging the mirror. Ever since then, where has ol' Marky been? Velocity? Dark Matches? The WWE dog house? Does it matter? This is one of the best stars in WWE today and has the potential to be the best, so why not let him get his push started here? We already have four, all we need is a fifth to come out and complain and drone on and on about how he deserves a title shot more as he was a former WCW Tag Champ and has beaten Booker T, Rene Dupree, Rob Van Dam, and John Cena all in singles matches (check WCW and OVW records). Well, now we have five, so we need another, but why Orlando Jordan? Well first off, at this stage, we have 3 heels and 2 faces, correct? Well, don't we need to even that out? Who better to enter the contention for the mid-card title then someone who went toe to toe with John Cena almost a year earlier? Who better than a man who earned the respect and friendship of the Undertaker? No one! Still skeptical? Well, look at it this way: Orlando Jordan is just like Mark Jindrak. He has been lost in the shuffle, but offers more than most in WWE do today, and has the improvement and potential to back it up. All we need to do is have Orlando come out saying that if Kurt is handing out shots at the title, he deserves one as well, and boom! We got ourselves a six pack challenge? Who should win? Pfft...who cares? As long as I get to see 6 of the best in WWE square off in one ring, does it even matter? Look at how many feuds can stem off from this.
Jindrak-Cena
Cena-Booker
Dupree-RVD
RVD-Jindrak
Jordan-Dupree
Booker-Jordan
Or maybe a rematch!
If the past 2 six pack challenges that I have seen show me anything, this match is going to be one for the ages!


WWE Championship
Best 2 out 3 Falls
1st Fall: Bull Rope Match
2nd Fall: Latino Street Fight
3rd Fall: Scaffold Match
Eddie Guerrero (c) Vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
So let's see what my readers must be thinking. First, I put together a random tag match. Then a Cruiser match with someone who isn't in WWE anymore. Than a Women's title match for a brand that has a crap division. And now this. Yea, my credibility as a columnist is soaring through the roof. Anyway, before you leave, please give me a chance to defend my match and especially the stipulation. First, the challenger explanation. A lot of you hate, despise, disrespect, and vomit at JBL, but he really isn't that bad. Now of course, I am overlooking the Nazi incident because even though I lost a lot of respect for JBL, we have seen worse things in pro wrestling (like wrestlers punching out fans). With that said, did anyone actually watch the match at J-Day? JBL delivered...I don't care who you are, JBL delivered. He promised a good match, and quite honestly, that's what he gave. Was it a classic? No. Was it the best? No. Could it have been better? Sure, but with all the doubts JBL received and the level of improvement he showed and especially the emotion in the match, this match turned out to be above average in this writer's opinion. Now that we have that out of the way, why a best 2 out 3 falls match? Well first off, why the hell do we need a Bull Rope match as of right now? It's only favoring Texans and to name names, JBL. I for one, think that's racism. So why don't we give Latino Heat a scenario from his background. If you are confused at what this match is, it is actually one of the many names of the kind of match Eddie Guerrero and John Cena had on September 11, 2003 (RIP 2001) in which Eddie was triumphant. So now, what's with the last stipulation? Well, honestly, my brain was a little fried.
A ladder match? Nah, JBL would never do that.
HIAC? Raw just did one.
Cage match? Ah...too cliche.
So what?
What hasn't WWE used in a long time that is a perfect way to end feuds?
A SCAFFOLD MATCH!
Yet again for those rookies, a scaffold match is one where you have two men fighting on a scaffold or a balcony type place and you win when you knock your opponent off. Honestly people, can this idea fail? We can see Eddie get tied up like a hog, JBL bitch slapped in a parking lot, and then one of the two thrown off a fifty foot high scaffold. Like Bush says with his re-election plans, it can't fail!

Phew...that one took a lot of out of me. I actually wrote half on June 10th, and then finished the other half recently. Why the break? I was at beach week with seven of my friends.
Beach Week 2k4...WAHA WOO!
Sorry...I took my Ritalin.
Anyway, this column was especially hard because in the Smackdown that passed from when I originally wrote this, I had a lot of differences. For one, the Cruiser match made sense, and two, I had a Tag Team Championship match between Haas/Rico and Kidman/London. But storylines and titles change fast in the WWE, so I kept on trucking!

Well, now that you survived the whole column, just remember, you have the final stretch left. QOTC, MOTC, Cheap Plug, and my closer and you are out of here, my friend. Of course, you could cheat and use the back button or the close button, but you aren't a cheater...are you?

Well, for this week's QOTC, I picked a quote from a guy who really doesn't get enough credit as to being one of the funniest men in wrestling today. You can hear him every Monday night, and while his "puppies" remarks can get out of hand, he is still, hands down, one of the funniest today and maybe ever. Anyway, here is the QOTC:

Jerry Lawler: When David killed Goliath, Mae Young called the cops!
Raw, 2000

Well, now it's time for the MOTC, and also the presentation of a special award. Even though the nature of this award is actually quite easy to get and there are many copies of it around, the "Prove Dougie's An Idiot Award!" is one that has started to become a staple in this column. The winner gets the option of picking the MOTC, QOTC, or main point for my next column, and gets a nice little paragraph about his win in the column. Our first winner was Cole Austin way back in March, and today, we have another one. How did the winner come about getting this? Let's see...

In my last column, I referenced a match between Triple H and Shawn Michaels that took place at Armageddon 2003. Well...I know it was 2002 and so do you, but apparently, I was having one of my famous dumb spells that evening. Nevertheless, a faithful reader caught the error and won this prestigious award. Congratulations, Sandeep, for proving me to be an idiot. Yea, it wasn't hard, but hey, you get this little dedication to you!

Anyway, Sandeep picked out a very good match and had this to say as an introduction:

"The match I have picked today is one that rivals many greats of the past. It showed the journey of the challenger and the respect he gained from his opponent in the end. It showed the acts of desperation a champ will go through just to keep his title. It showed psychologically sound elements that many matches today lack. With unique moves out of desperation like the Indian Death Lock and the Harlem Hangover, this is one that showed the struggle to attain the greatest prize of one's brand. The selling, psychology, drama, and wrestling itself made this match one of the best of 2003 and maybe all time, but still was under-rated due to the other matches that were on the card (Lesnar/Angle and Rock/Austin)."

Without further ado, this week's MOTC is:

Triple H Vs. Booker T, World Heavyweight Championship Match, Wrestlemania XIX

Well, I am going to try and keep this next part brief, but will I get rid of it? Never! Yes people, The Wrestling Voice still exists. Stop the groaning please. Back in April, Mike Steele and I started with a simple mind set: to be a haven for columnists. Since then, we have expanded to be a site full of opinions. It's all opinion at TWV, not fact, and to help this, we have added the best sections:
Columns by an extreme staff of Guests and Members
Cartoons by a gifted cartoonist named Annette Balestri who rivals political cartoonists.
Games that help you guys take the role of a wrestler or help you learn more about your favorite stars.
Reviews by an excellent staff that gives their best opinions on all wrestling shows.
Interviews with famous stars that ask the questions we all are thinking and are dying to know.
And Forums where you can express your voice on anything!
Of course, we are still growing, but have done so well that we have gone from a dozen columnists and one section, to almost 8 sections and a staff of about 50 people! Well to sweeten the deal even more, we are accepting applications for any job 24-7! If you think you can be a columnist, reviewer, game maker, or something else, just fill out an application at this address (http://thewrestlingvoice.com/application.shtml) or you can find out more about us by e-mailing jobs@thewrestlingvoice.com.
The Wrestling Voice - The premier site for wrestling games, cartoons, interviews, reviews, and, of course, columns.

Make sure to look out soon for three new topics: "One Year And Still Kicking, The 2nd Annual Nonsense Vengeance," and "The Business." I will be going out of town soon and probably will be gone when you read this, but don't fret, I will only be gone two days, and then you have my devoted writing to look forward to. That's it for now from Column O' Nonsense. Thanks for coming and this is Dougie Nunny signing off and hoping I dropped your IQ lower than the time it took for WWE to take a legend and reduce him to a bumbling fool.

AIM - Dougie Nunny
E-mail - dougienunny@thewrestlingvoice.com

Enter Your E-Mail Address Above

Subscribe | Unsubscribe

Web TheWrestlingVoice.com

Copyright © 2005; TheWrestlingVoice.com & Douglas Nunnally.
All Rights Reserved.
Disclaimer & Privacy Statement