Wow, you guys are still clicking to read my column.....amazing. Well, of course, I have another "nonsense-filled" as well as informative column for you guys today, but before I start with the 1st Annual Nonsense Day, we have to usher in everyone's favorite part of the column: The Nonsense Thoughts!
Is it just me or does it seem like Tajiri is in for a big push? I mean, he got on the PPV card one month and then he almost tops the Game. What's next for the Japanese Buzzsaw? In my eyes, hopefully it will be a high mid-card feud, maybe with a returning Triple H, or perhaps with a demon named Batista who is desperate for mid-card singles feuds. Whatever awaits, it seems that Tajiri has at last become appreciated, and McMahon has at last stopped his "big men" wrestler fetish. But then again, we said the same thing with Hurricane...
I really love all the new wrestlers coming into WWE. Eugene Dinsmore, Tyson Tomko, Mordechai, Grandmaster Sexay (not new, but you know what I mean), and a lot others soon to come. I only have one problem....one major problem. Where are all these stars going to? Raw, perhaps? Well, which show has a low roster lately and low slump? Smackdown, perchance? So then why is WWE putting new stars on Raw? Well, it is because of WWE's obsession with Raw being their number one show, which has been that way since about Survivor Series 2002. And this isn't the first time it's been said by me, so don't think this is anything new. All I want is for a good up-and-coming OVW wrestler or maybe some NWA star to go to Smackdown! Maybe that can salvage it.
Anyone see the preview for the NWA-TNA World X Cup Tournament Finals on May 26th? One word....amazing! I have to admit, I have never ordered TNA, haven't followed the storylines or the tournament, and rarely see any of the matches, but a ladder match? AND a gauntlet match? And my personal favorite, the....Ultimate...X...Match!!!! The first one of these was the first TNA match I ever saw, and boy, was it worth it. The second lived up to the hype and even surpassed the first one in my own opinion. Now, we have the third installment, something that will be better than the third installment of other innovative matches such as the third HIAC. Personally, I would like to see the Captains battle off in this one, as Lynn, Williams, Garza, and Nosawa are four men people would never expect to fight in a match. I for one will be buying this probably, and of course, my smile will be huge. Hmm, maybe Sabin, Shane, and Kazarian can make some interference as the innovators of the match!
Well, that's a condensed version of "Nonsense Thoughts" for you this week. No reason other than the fact that there is not much that has incited thought in my mind other than the main point of the column.
And speaking of the main point, why don't we just avoid it this column?
...
Okay, now that you dedicated Nonsense readers are still here, let's get into the column!
Some of you might be confused by the title, and some of you who have been reading my column may not. For those of you confused, there is a Smackdown PPV coming soon.
Yes, that brand is still around.
Yes, Bradshaw is still main eventing it.
Yes, you should still keep watching.
Anyway, I thought I'd share with you some of my match hopes and predictions. Of course, I'm going to list matches that will never ever happen in WWE probably as long as I live, but hey, it's my column, you clicked the link, so you have to read this mindless drivel. Well, there go the rest of the people still here. Anyway, without further ado, I'd like to give you, the reader, the "1st Annual Nonsense Day!"
Smackdown Cup
Battle Royal
We need something to be filler, and something that will give guys some exposure. Now, we haven't had a Battle Royal in a while, have we? Well, we are having it now, but unlike the others, I think this one will mean something. Think about it people, you could have the Cup coming back again and again kind of like the KOTR title, and whoever gets it is due for a huge push.
This is my list of entrants for the Cup: Akio, Billy Gunn, Funaki, Hardcore Holly, Johnny Stamboli, Nunzio, Orlando Jordan, and making his debut, Mordechai!
The way I see it, you have them all go down and be eliminated, until Hardcore Holly and Mordechai are left. Then, of course, we will have Mordechai win to establish himself as a dominant player. However, then we will have Holly Vs. Mordechai on Smackdown in which Mordechai takes a beating and still comes out on top. Then what's next? The sky's the limit. This match has unlimited potential, and we can finally see perhaps the likes of Funaki taking on Stamboli and Jordan and Gunn. I can't wait for this match...oh wait...this is my version. Darn, got all hyped up for nothing. Oh well, moving on...
Rikishi Vs. Scotty 2 Hotty
Anyone see them getting stale lately? They are still good, and entertaining to me, but this team just reminds me that it is still 2000. How to change this? Remember in late 2000 when Rikishi turned heel? Remember how dominant he became? Why can't this happen again?! Have them obtain a rematch against the Odd Couple and win or get the best of the team, and then when they dance, have Rikishi try to hog the spotlight and then eventually take out Scotty for taking away from his moment. Rikishi as a heel is just as good as it gets storyline wise. The only downside is that a heel does not really get pops and whatnot for a Stink Face; however, maybe we can see a new and improved Kish in the ring with Scotty 2 Hotty. And after this, where will Rikishi go? To the top heel spot? Close to it? I can only hope, as I know I see Scotty winning the Cruiser belt. All is well...or would be well if WWE reads this.
WWE Women's Championship
Gauntlet Match
Sable Vs. Torrie Wilson Vs. Miss Jackie Vs. Dawn Marie Vs. Alexis Laree Vs. Shaniqua
So let's see. I lost half my viewers already, and after reading this, it seems I have lost half again! The remaining few are just scratching their heads like Goldberg in wrestling school asking, "Women wrestling on Smackdown? A Women's Title? How is it going to be defended? By Bikini contests? And even more, who the 'Jebus-tap-dancing-on-the-ceiling-Christ' is Alexis Laree?" Well if you would stop asking the darn questions, I'll answer! It's no rumor and no surprise that Women's wrestling on Smackdown is poor and on the level of non-existent. But to make Smackdown better, how are we going to fix this? Well, look at the list I provided. We have Torrie Wilson, who will make the boys tune in; Sable, who in her prime could deliver mediocre matches; Miss Jackie, who fits the mold of a young Sable; Dawn Marie, who was known to deliver some incredible matches in the Indy scene; Shaniqua, who we all know has to be one of the most gifted women on the Smackdown roster; and finally, Alexis Laree, who perhaps is the best un-tapped talent WWE has working for them right now! For those of you who don't know, Alexis Laree is one of the best female wrestlers today and was signed by WWE almost a year ago. She appeared on TV once in a backstage segment, and since then, she has been "training" in OVW. Well, it's about time to call her up. Smackdown needs help, and Alexis is just the woman to do it. Imagine this: Torrie Wilson starts off, only to be killed by Dawn Marie. Next we have Sable who also falls victim to Dawn, but it is short lived, as Miss Jackie is able to upset her quickly. Next, we have the powerhouse Shaniqua pinning the Playboy-hopeful, and who do we have left? Shaniqua and Laree, the two best women on the Smackdown roster (though Laree isn't on it technically). So what do we have? Who wins? Does it really matter? Well, in this writer's opinion, no! While these two feud over the belt, perhaps Jazz and Ivory can come over to Smackdown, shake things up, and enter the title picture. With this title, at last we will see Women as equal wrestlers again, and never again will the only women's match on a PPV be a bikini contest, and finally, will we never have to see Tazz turn into King again.
Spike Dudley Vs. Shannon Moore
Now, think about this. After or around Survivor Series 2003 (I honestly forget, sorry), Shannon Moore quickly became the Spike Dudley or the "underdog" of the Smackdown roster. We had Shannon being killed and destroyed by the likes of Lesnar and Morgan, and it seemed like we had the next Spike on our hands. Well, guess what! Spike is back, and boy, you can't expect him to be compared to a guy with a name Shannon! Think of it this way: Spike equals heel, equals good storyline with Shannon, equals future involvement with brothers, equals space on Velocity as the top heel, equals more than expected of Spike on Smackdown, and finally, equals one happy writer! Even more, if Shannon wins this, who is to say that this can't be the match that propels him into the spotlight, or maybe even the Cruiserweight Title picture? Let's just see how Spike reacts to his brothers becoming heel, and if he too turns heel, well then, you'll see that even the dumbest of writers can be a genius every now and again.
Cruiserweight Championship
Fatal Four Way Elimination Match
Chavo Guerrero (c) Vs. Rey Mysterio Vs. Rob Van Dam Vs. Jamie Noble
First things first, get rid of Jackie as the champ. Not only is this an insult to the Cruiserweight Title, it is also an insult to the brand. WWE really dropped the ball with this, and they even picked a woman who can barely wrestle. If they wanted a woman Cruiser Champ, why couldn't they pick Laree or Lita, then at least we would have women who embody the title and style, but no...we get the porn star. Anyway, after Chavo wins it back...and if he doesn't, I will stop watching Smackdown...we will have a very good Cruiser match in the making. Look at RVD. Perfect face right now. He has all the fans behind him and all the charisma to go with it. So what is the perfect thing to do? Turn him heel! He is pairing up with Rey Mysterio this Thursday night on Smackdown, so I should see no better time to turn heel than on his partner. Then we can set up a tangled web of RVD wanting the Cruiser Title, Mysterio wanting RVD, Noble wanting the spotlight, and Chavo wanting a one-on-one match. We could have a Triple Threat Match to see who faces Chavo at J-Day and have it end in a no contest, leading up to this match more. And besides the buildup, look at the match. Look at its participants. WOW! This is going to be one of those matches you will see on highlight reels describing cruiserweight wrestling; I guarantee it. And if you don't like this match...remember, they could do Jackie Vs. Chavo at the PPV.
United States Championship
John Cena (c) Vs. Rene Dupree
Take a good look people. Do you remember back in 1997 the epic feud over the IC Title between Rock and Austin that lead to Austin throwing the belt off a bridge and into a river? Well, if you don't, pretend you do. Back then, we were treated to a preview of one of the best feuds to come to WWE, as in just 2 years time, they would have another epic feud, and then another one 2 years later, and then another one 2 years later. Now, it all started by feuding with a mid-card title...well look-e-here, what do we have? Cena and Dupree, the future of the company, fighting over the mid-card title! And what better preview do we have of their epic feud than when they are both young and already established as great in-ring workers as well as promo workers. The buildup for this match is already off the charts as it has stretched to involve Torrie Wilson, and as I always say, the more people in the storyline, the better the feud. To me, it really doesn't matter who wins this because we are really the winners as we see the future of WWE competing now! And even if Cena wins, we still have Vengeance, Great American Bash, and Summerslam to see the feud continued!
Undertaker Vs. Booker T
Now, here we have another match that is actually already scheduled, and would I change it? Not in a million years. This match has the possibility to be a winning one either way the victory falls. If Booker T wins, we see a big push coming his way. If Undertaker wins, we see a big push coming his way, which is exactly what I would like to see on Undertaker's last great run. Either way, this match has the best elements. The storyline has become very good as Undertaker becomes a huge face for defending the honor of Smackdown, and Booker T of course becomes the huge heel for taking out a legend in a cheap shot and running like a coward. Even more, look at the match. For those of you who just started watching WWF/WWE programming, I beg of you to go out and rent No Mercy 2001. Here, Booker T as a heel faced Undertaker as a face in the "Invasion" angle. This match has got to be one of the best Undertaker matches of 2001, and even more, it was probably one of Booker's best up until that point. So much emotion went in, so much athleticism, and the end outcome was incredible. Notice how this match is not being mentioned yet. Well, could Booker regain the notion that it was the American Bad Ass who beat him, and that a pathetic little zombie can not even get close to beating him? Let's just wait and see how this match unfolds, because trust me; there is no wrong that can come from this match.
WWE Tag Team Championship
Tables, Ladder, & Chairs V
Odd Couple (c) Vs. Basham Brothers Vs. Shooting Stars Vs. Dudley Boyz
First of all, a lot of you are scratching your heads at the above participants, so let me clear up 2 teams. The Odd Couple are the current Tag Champions, Rico and Charlie Haas, and just ask yourself, is there a better name for the two? Then we have the Shooting Stars. Well, this is perhaps one of the best tag teams in WWE and also one of the most underrated, and if you don't know who I'm talking about, go take a look at Velocity some time, and there you will find the 2 men in the business who execute the SSP almost perfectly, Billy Kidman and Paul London. Anyway, a lot of you are scratching your heads as to why I made this match. Let's face it. The division sucks on Smackdown right now, and it needs to use any means necessary to shake things up. Here we have the Dudleyz, who are around 17 time Tag Team Champions, and because of that and their heel status, the presence can emerge that they are better than the rest. And of course, then they can issue a challenge to the Champions. But then you have the Bashams and the Shooting Stars come in too, and finally, Bubba Ray interjects saying that a good ol' fashioned TLC match is needed. And finally, we have a worthwhile match and semi-feud for the Tag Belts on Smackdown. Even more, from this we can go to 2 feuds between any combination and it all depends on what happens in the ring... Even more, we could see maybe Spike Dudley interfere if he doesn't turn heel and cost the Dudleyz the match, thus setting up a feud there. Whatever happens, this match will be a showstopper, as we have possible SSPs off the ladder, the hard hitting brawling of the Bashams, the crazy antics of Rico, the beautiful work of Haas, and finally, the veteran Dudleyz teaching the others how to do a TLC match and maybe even passing the torch!
WWE Championship
Eddie Guerrero (c) Vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
Well, well, well. Look who the smark put in the main event. Now, let's wait and see how long it takes for someone to hit the back button. Well, as I have lost some of you readers, let me quickly explain my actions to those of you who are getting ready to leave. First off, does anyone remember what Hardcore Holly looked like before he feuded with Brock over the belt? He was horrible! His in-ring work had suffered, and his skills he had honed over his career had vanished. Yet then, miraculously after their feud, the old Holly was back! Why was this? Well, I can answer it to you in a simple phrase: THE SPOTLIGHT IMPROVES YOU! Look at Lesnar after he won the belt. His matches got better as did his charisma and his mic work. So of course, this is going to be a good thing for Bradshaw and his future, as he will once again become the incredible wrestler he was in NWA. Even more, this will definitely help the Smackdown title picture. For so long it's been the same people over and over again, and at last, we have a new face! Well, two new faces! And if I still haven't criticized you, just look at the build-up to this match. All the emotion (remind you of Benoit-Triple H-HBK?), all the skepticism (remind you of Guerrero-Lesnar?), all the racism (remind you of Triple H-Booker T?), all the cheap shots (remind you of Undertaker-Brock Lesnar?), and more (remind you that all of those were good and that this one will be too?)! Come on guys, get off your rants about Bradshaw sucking and give the guy a chance. We have all the buildup, most of the in-ring work, all the mic work, all the charisma, et cetera, so what more can you want? From this writer, there is nothing more that I could ask for than a perfectly billed and pumped up main event that will surely deliver what it promises, which is exactly what we have.
Well, that's my card people. Take it or leave it. Wait, don't leave it, at least take it and put it in the closet, that way I don't feel as much rejection! Well, whatever you choose, at least give it some credibility because like I always say, it's about 100 times better than what the WWE Creative Team will dish out!
Before we embark on the final stretch, I'd like to inform you that I will not be doing a QOTC anymore. The idea of it has gotten trite and out of style, and for those of you people who love it, I can still e-mail them to you if you wish. Yes it has been a part of my column since I began, but it's been almost a year, and it's time for a change! For this column, I will not be having a 4th part of the "final stretch," but I am opening my mind and hand to suggestions for what the 4th part of the "final stretch" should be. If you have any ideas, please e-mail them to me at dougienunny@thewrestlingvoice.com or you can IM me with them at Dougie Nunny. Well, without further ado, let's start the "final stretch."
For this edition's MOTC, I decided that you all need a lesson in the old school and that matches without high flying action or amazing technical skill could still be entertaining. For this MOTC, I have picked:
Ultimate Warrior Vs. Undertaker, UK Rampage 1991
Go out, find it, and enjoy how simple the minds of wrestling fans once were.
And what do we have next? The cheap plug? Of course!
For those of you who don't know, Mike Steele and I opened a new site called "The Wrestling Voice" a little while ago. It was the first of its kind as it only featured columns. Since then, we have branched out and we are now featuring political cartoon-esque wrestling cartoons, and soon, we will branch even more to interviews! We will not have news, however, but to find some of the best views around, come to us! We have the work of many talented writers, such as Mike Steele, myself, Angus Wyrick, Adam Perez, Josh Garzoli, Headliner, Linda Robin, Dean Saliba, Wade Needham, Matthew Hils, Robb Clarke, and many more, and of course, we have the incredible artistic work of Annette Balesteri! Even more, we at TWV have one of the main goals always in mind: to give the young, new columnists a chance to begin and get noticed. So if you think you can write a column or if your passion has always been to be a writer, or if you're just plain bored, go to TWV and fill out an application or e-mail us at jobs@thewrestlingvoice.com for more info! We are always accepting applications!
TheWrestlingVoice.com - The premier site in wrestling columns today!
That's all from "Column O' Nonsense." Make sure to give me some feedback through any of the means listed below, and remember, I always answer feedback and of course, always love to get it. This is Dougie Nunny signing off and hoping I dropped your IQ lower than the time it took for the Triple H-Shawn Michaels feud to come back.
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